Psalm 119 Pt VII: I love thy law, it is my meditation all the day

From Psalms

Psalm 119: 97-112

Mem
⁹⁷O how love I thy law!
      it is my meditation all the day.
⁹⁸Thou through thy commandments hast made me wiser than mine enemies:
      for they are ever with me.
⁹⁹I have more understanding than all my teachers:
      for thy testimonies are my meditation.
¹⁰⁰I understand more than the ancients,
      because I keep thy precepts.
¹⁰¹I have refrained my feet from every evil way,
      that I might keep thy word.
¹⁰²I have not departed from thy judgments:
      for thou hast taught me.
¹⁰³How sweet are thy words unto my taste!
      yea, sweeter than honey to my mouth!
¹⁰⁴ Through thy precepts I get understanding:
      therefore I hate every false way.

Nun
¹⁰⁵Thy word is a lamp unto my feet,
      and a light unto my path.
¹⁰⁶I have sworn, and I will perform it,
      that I will keep thy righteous judgments.
¹⁰⁷I am afflicted very much: quicken me,
      O Lord, according unto thy word.
¹⁰⁸Accept, I beseech thee, the freewill offerings of my mouth,
      O Lord, and teach me thy judgments.
¹⁰⁹My soul is continually in my hand:
      yet do I not forget thy law.
¹¹⁰The wicked have laid a snare for me:
      yet I erred not from thy precepts.
¹¹¹Thy testimonies have I taken as an heritage for ever:
      for they are the rejoicing of my heart.
¹¹²I have inclined mine heart to perform thy statutes alway,
      even unto the end.

My best days start with meditation on psalms...these meditations stay with me the rest of the day.  These days, and weeks, if I can string enough of those days together, allow me to live like the psalmist in these verses.  Where God's word is a lamp unto my feet guiding me in my choices and spirit.  Where my feet (and my fingers on the keyboard) refrain from all evils.  Where I get understanding from God's precepts.  Where my soul is continually in my hand.  Where His testimonies are the rejoicing of my heart.

Between those days there are others where I stray from his word.  Where I consider revisiting my addictions.  Where I forget that God has his hand on me.  Thankfully though those are only passing - and fewer and fewer as time passes in His word.  Thankfully in the end I return to His word, His psalms, and His direction.  I am continually reminded of the beauty and joy that I have in the life the God has planned and destined for me.  I am eternally grateful for God's grace and forgiveness.
Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 119 pt VI: My soul fainteth for thy salvation

From Psalms

Psalm 119: 81-96

(Kaph)
⁸¹My soul fainteth for thy salvation:
      but I hope in thy word.
⁸²Mine eyes fail for thy word, saying,
      When wilt thou comfort me?
⁸³For I am become like a bottle in the smoke;
      yet do I not forget thy statutes.
⁸⁴How many are the days of thy servant?
      when wilt thou execute judgment on them that persecute me?
⁸⁵The proud have digged pits for me,
      which are not after thy law.
⁸⁶All thy commandments are faithful:
      they persecute me wrongfully; help thou me.
⁸⁷They had almost consumed me upon earth;
      but I forsook not thy precepts.
⁸⁸Quicken me after thy lovingkindness;
      so shall I keep the testimony of thy mouth.

(Lamedh)
⁸⁹For ever, O Lord,
      thy word is settled in heaven.
⁹⁰Thy faithfulness is unto all generations:
      thou hast established the earth, and it abideth.
⁹¹They continue this day according to thine ordinances:
      for all are thy servants.
⁹²Unless thy law had been my delights,
      I should then have perished in mine affliction.
⁹³I will never forget thy precepts:
      for with them thou hast quickened me.
⁹⁴I am thine, save me:
      for I have sought thy precepts.
⁹⁵The wicked have waited for me to destroy me:
      but I will consider thy testimonies.
⁹⁶I have seen an end of all perfection:
      but thy commandment is exceeding broad.

My soul is weary and needs some propping up from time to time.  I guess that's normal since we all deal with the struggles and conflicts of life.  Sometimes, though, I get the thought that the propping up can come from a drink of wine, some porn, or even a cup of coffee.  Of course, I know that relief is only momentary.  The same way the energy from a candy bar only lasts for a few minutes and leaves you more drained when its gone.

Of course, I know that true strength and endurance comes from something deeper than that.  I am grateful for the psalms for they remind me that although I have my struggles and conflict that God can give me that strength, and His word can give me that hope.

Thank you God for the strength and hope that you provide everyday.  Continue to guide me on my journey.  Quicken me after thy lovingkindness so shall I keep the testimony of thy mouth.  Unless thy law had been my delights, I should have perished in mine affliction.  I am thine, save me...continue to save me.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 119 pt V: It is good for me that I have been afflicted

From Psalms

Psalm 119 v:65-80

(Teth)
⁶⁵Thou hast dealt well with thy servant,
      O Lord, according unto thy word.
⁶⁶Teach me good judgment and knowledge:
      for I have believed thy commandments.
⁶⁷Before I was afflicted I went astray:
      but now have I kept thy word.
⁶⁸Thou art good, and doest good;
      teach me thy statutes.
⁶⁹The proud have forged a lie against me:
      but I will keep thy precepts with my whole heart.
⁷⁰Their heart is as fat as grease;
      but I delight in thy law.
⁷¹It is good for me that I have been afflicted;
      that I might learn thy statutes.
⁷²The law of thy mouth is better unto me than thousands of gold and silver.

(Yodh)
⁷³Thy hands have made me and fashioned me:
      give me understanding, that I may learn thy commandments.
⁷⁴They that fear thee will be glad when they see me;
      because I have hoped in thy word.
⁷⁵I know, O Lord, that thy judgments are right,
      and that thou in faithfulness hast afflicted me.
⁷⁶Let, I pray thee, thy merciful kindness be for my comfort,
      according to thy word unto thy servant.
⁷⁷Let thy tender mercies come unto me,
      that I may live: for thy law is my delight.
⁷⁸Let the proud be ashamed; for they dealt perversely with me without a cause:
      but I will meditate in thy precepts.
⁷⁹Let those that fear thee turn unto me,
      and those that have known thy testimonies.
⁸⁰Let my heart be sound in thy statutes;
      that I be not ashamed.

One concept that I struggle with is that "It is good for me that I have been afflicted," from verse 71.  It has been good for me to have my sex addiction and alcoholism.  I understand that without them I would not have learned a true faith in God - or learned his statutes.  I've had to hand over probably the biggest struggles in my life.  Obviously that doesn't mean you have to be an addict to have fatih in God, but I've heard people attribute more things to the hand of God in a 12 step meeting than maybe anywhere else.  Nevertheless, to think that the pain the addictions has brought to me and those around me are somehow good.  That's where I struggle.

I guess it's easier for me to hear this concept in Laura Story's Blessings.  Somehow it makes sense when she sings it in this context.  This reminds me of another phrase I've heard while training for triathlons.  That is, "Pain is merely weakness leaving you body."  This, in a weird way, give me hope - for the process of pain and suffering is making me stronger and better equipped for what life has for me.  I guess its a lot like the cliche, "That which does not kill me only makes me stronger."  Nevertheless, its a common theme in psalm 119 that I pray that God may quicken me with his word.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 119 pt IV: The earth, O Lord, full of thy mercy

From Psalms

Psalms 119:49-64

^(Zayin)
49Remember the word unto thy servant,
      upon which thou hast caused me to hope.
⁵⁰This is my comfort in my affliction:
      for thy word hath quickened me.
⁵¹The proud have had me greatly in derision:
      yet have I not declined from thy law.
⁵²I remembered thy judgments of old, O Lord;
      and have comforted myself.
⁵³Horror hath taken hold upon me because of the wicked
      that forsake thy law.
⁵⁴Thy statutes have been my songs
      in the house of my pilgrimage.
⁵⁵I have remembered thy name, O Lord,
      in the night, and have kept thy law.
⁵⁶This I had,
      because I kept thy precepts.


^(Heth)
57Thou art my portion, O Lord:
      I have said that I would keep thy words.
⁵⁸I intreated thy favour with my whole heart:
      be merciful unto me according to thy word.
⁵⁹I thought on my ways,
      and turned my feet unto thy testimonies.
⁶⁰I made haste, and delayed not
      to keep thy commandments.
⁶¹The bands of the wicked have robbed me:
      but I have not forgotten thy law.
⁶²At midnight I will rise to give thanks unto thee
      because of thy righteous judgments.
⁶³I am a companion of all them that fear thee,
      and of them that keep thy precepts.
⁶⁴The earth, O Lord, is full of thy mercy:
      teach me thy statutes.

Of anything, hope, is the thing that makes the greatest changes.  Hope, like faith, allows us to believe in things that we have yet to accomplish.  If love is the water that allows a seed to grow then hope is the sunshine.  Hope is seeing a sobriety birthday cake at a meeting.  Hope is seeing your son learn about the dangers of addiction earlier rather than later.  Hope is the prayers in psalms.  Hope is seeing God's love in a neighbor.

Hope is around us, much in the same way God's mercy fills the earth.  Sometimes its a glimmer.  Sometimes its as overwhelming brilliant as the sunshine.  The trick for me, no matter how brilliant, is when I catch it to let it inspire me to make the most of it.  To reflect to others.  To guide me in sobriety and in the way of truth.  To teach others in God's way.

God, keep your words and your law with me.  For your word give me hope (v. 49).  This hope sustains me.  Be merciful unto me.  For your mercy gives me hope.  This hope gives me strength and inspiration.  Let this inspiration be a light for others to see.  A light that may lead them out of the darkness of addiction.  Just as I was lead out of the darkness.  Give them this hope, and faith, that there is a way out.  Hope that if they take some steps (12?) in the right direction they will find this light.  Hope that in this light they will find a new life, a life free of addiction, free of lies, and full of hope.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 119 pt III: Incline my heart unto your testimonies

From Psalms

Psalm 119: 33-48

(He)
³³Teach me, O Lord, the way of thy statutes;
      and I shall keep it unto the end.
³⁴Give me understanding, and I shall keep thy law;
      yea, I shall observe it with my whole heart.
³⁵Make me to go in the path of thy commandments;
      for therein do I delight.
³⁶Incline my heart unto thy testimonies,
      and not to covetousness.
³⁷Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity;
      and quicken thou me in thy way.
³⁸Stablish thy word unto thy servant,
      who is devoted to thy fear.
³⁹Turn away my reproach which I fear:
      for thy judgments are good.
⁴⁰Behold, I have longed after thy precepts:
      quicken me in thy righteousness.


(Waw)
⁴¹Let thy mercies come also unto me,
      O Lord, even thy salvation, according to thy word.
⁴²So shall I have wherewith to answer him that reproacheth me:
      for I trust in thy word.
⁴³And take not the word of truth utterly out of my mouth;
      for I have hoped in thy judgments.
⁴⁴So shall I keep thy law continually
      for ever and ever.
⁴⁵And I will walk at liberty:
      for I seek thy precepts.
⁴⁶I will speak of thy testimonies also before kings,
      and will not be ashamed.
⁴⁷And I will delight myself in thy commandments,
      which I have loved.
⁴⁸My hands also will I lift up unto thy commandments,
      which I have loved; and I will meditate in thy statutes.

 Oh Lord teach me in you ways (v 33), Give me understanding (v 34), Guide me in your path (v 35), Incline my heart unto my your testimonies and not to covetousness (v 36).  This a great part of psalm 119 because these things are all I ask for.  These are everything I need to overcome my addictions, which still lurk in my life.  These are no small requests though...these things are about making a change in the way I think, feel and act.

Nevertheless, I trust that God can teach me and give me understanding to handle and manage those temptations.  I've seen Him do it in the past.  I know that if I am committed to learning his word, then He will teach me in the ways of his statutes so that I can keep them to the end.  I have faith that He can quicken me and incline my heart to his testimonies rather than allowing me to turn to covetousness or beholding vanity.

I believe that I have seen the first part of these changes in my life.  I must stay committed to complete this journey.  It is not easy and there are many temptations and distractions that pull me away.  It would be easier if I knew where the end would be or if there was an end to this change at all.  I understand how alcoholics, and addicts in general, can fall off the wagon before is complete.  It is a long road to recovery.  So I must keep praying and keep focused.  I must keep my faith that God will continue to teach me, guide me, and protect me throughout this journey.

Thanks for letting me share.