Psalm 139:16-24 (KJV): Search me God and know my heart

Psalm 139:16-24
¹⁶Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect;
      and in thy book all my members were written,
which in continuance were fashioned,
      when as yet there was none of them.
¹⁷How precious also are thy thoughts unto me,
      O God! how great is the sum of them!
¹⁸If I should count them,
      they are more in number than the sand:
      when I awake, I am still with thee.

¹⁹Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God:
      depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
²⁰For they speak against thee wickedly,
      and thine enemies take thy name in vain.
²¹Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee?
      and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?
²²I hate them with perfect hatred:
      I count them mine enemies.
²³Search me, O God, and know my heart:
      try me, and know my thoughts:
²⁴And see if there be any wicked way in me,
      and lead me in the way everlasting.

This last part of psalm 139, for me, strikes at the personal nature of God.  He knows us all even before we are formed (verse 16) - and has a plan for us despite our imperfections.  That despite what face or personality we share with the rest of the world God knows the truth in our hearts.  He is aware of our vanity, greed, hatred - our weaknesses - any wickedness (verse 24).  He is also aware to the extent we are good - how deep our faith is.  How much we are truly committed to live the life he intends for us.  How much we are willing to sacrifice.

Dear Lord, you know my heart and have always known my heart.  You know I struggle with my addictions.  You know of my potential for you have blessed me with great gifts.  You have seen me leverage your gifts and blessing to use them to demonstrate your power.  You have also seen me waste those gifts and possibly even abuse them for selfish gains.  Be with me, as you are with all addicts, forgive me of those sins and lead me in Your way.  Guide me in your plan for me that I may be an example of Your light.  Help me root out the evil and sin in my heart and replace it with love.  For it is by Your son's example, Jesus, that I have learned the most effective weapon against hate is love.  Hate only begets more hate.  However, love is the only thing that destroys hate.  In that way, help me slay the wicked and sinful - not with equal and opposite hatred but with love.  For my hope is that people can tell that I am a follower of Christ by the way I love, and have loved.  It is in Your son's name that I pray for a changed and blessed heart.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 139:1-15 (KJV): In the midst of trouble thou wilt revive me

Psalm 139:1-15
(For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.)

¹I will praise thee with my whole heart:
      before the gods will I sing praise unto thee.
²I will worship toward thy holy temple,
      and praise thy name for thy lovingkindness and for thy truth:
for thou hast magnified thy word above all thy name.
³In the day when I cried thou answeredst me,
      and strengthenedst me with strength in my soul.
⁴All the kings of the earth shall praise thee,
      O LORD, when they hear the words of thy mouth.
⁵Yea, they shall sing in the ways of the Lord:
      for great is the glory of the Lord.
⁶Though the Lord be high,
      yet hath he respect unto the lowly:
but the proud he knoweth afar off.

⁷Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
      thou wilt revive me:
thou shalt stretch forth thine hand against the wrath of mine enemies,
      and thy right hand shall save me.
⁸The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me:
      thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever:
      forsake not the works of thine own hands.
⁹If I take the wings of the morning,
      and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
¹⁰Even there shall thy hand lead me,
      and thy right hand shall hold me.
¹¹If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me;
      even the night shall be light about me.
¹²Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee;
      but the night shineth as the day:
      the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.

¹³For thou hast possessed my reins:
      thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.
¹⁴I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:
      marvellous are thy works;
      and that my soul knoweth right well.
¹⁵My substance was not hid from thee,
      when I was made in secret,
      and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

I heard an inspirational speech yesterday...some of which I'd like to share today.  There were three premises in the speech.  The first is that successful people fail often.  The second is that your capacity for failure will limit your capability for success.  The last, in order for you to be successful you must, not only be willing to fail, you must embrace failure as a path.

Why is this important for addicts?  It is important because a big part of recovery is overcoming our fears.  Our minds create these horrible perspectives of failure, which paralyze us in fear.  Our minds also create these images of other people that nobody has failed the way we have failed.  Nobody has the same obstacles that we face.  Everybody else has much better opportunities than we have.

How do we overcome that?  We have to have faith that out of every failure comes opportunity for a new beginning.  That in the midst of all problems God has His hand on us.  When I talk to many people who are successful in one way or another at some point in their lives they took a leap of faith.  They saw an opportunity and went for it.  Bet on a long shot.  Followed their heart.  Listened to the voice in their head.  Did what they knew was right.  And somewhere along the way trusted in God.  That no matter how bad it could get knew they would be caught.

Dear Lord.  Thank you for your messages in my life.  Thank you for reviving in the midst of troubles.  For showing me, no matter, how big the risks my mind portrays - the truth is that with You anything is possible.  If I can dream something I can realize it.  If I can visualize days and weeks of sobriety I can experience days and weeks of sobriety.  Thank you for the strength I need to overcome my fears.  Thank you for courage to look for and ask for help when I need it.  Continue to help me be honest with myself and others.  Be with other addicts who struggle with fears.  Give them the support and inspiration they need to be courageous and daring.  Give us the inspiration to pursue our dreams.  Give us the courage to speak our minds and to spread Your message.  In Jesus name I praise Thee.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 138: In the day when I cried thou answeredst me

Psalm 138
(Of David.)

¹I will praise thee with my whole heart:
      before the gods will I sing praise unto thee.
²I will worship toward thy holy temple,
      and praise thy name for thy lovingkindness and for thy truth:
      for thou hast magnified thy word above all thy name.
³In the day when I cried thou answeredst me,
      and strengthenedst me with strength in my soul.

⁴All the kings of the earth shall praise thee,
      O LORD, when they hear the words of thy mouth.
⁵Yea, they shall sing in the ways of the LORD:
      for great is the glory of the LORD.

⁶Though the LORD be high, yet hath he respect unto the lowly:
      but the proud he knoweth afar off.
⁷Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
      thou wilt revive me:
thou shalt stretch forth thine hand against the wrath of mine enemies,
      and thy right hand shall save me.
⁸The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me:
      thy mercy, O LORD, endureth for ever:
      forsake not the works of thine own hands.

Although I walk in trouble, God will revive me.  He stretches our his hand against those things that keep me down.  He keeps his hand on me - His love endures forever.  At the risk of sounding cliche, God has changed my life.  God has given me a new path.  God has given me a choice, an alternative not just addiction, but an alternative to the options of what media and marketing offer up to us everyday.  An alternative to the "buy your way to happiness" mentalities we're sold everyday.  We all know that we can't buy our way to happiness.  Nor can the luxurious meals, alcohol, sex, or any other products that they sell give us any meaningful happiness.  We know this because we've been let down by all that many times before.  Yet, somehow, we still fall into those traps though...time and again.  These consumer traps keep us down much in the same way addiction does.

It can be over though.  The alternative is the path that Christ shared.  One instead of focusing on ourselves and selfish happiness we focus on Christ's message and we focus on others.  Because true happiness is not found in the next great gadget, or the next great beauty product, or the next tastiest desert.  True happiness is found in love.  Love is found whenever and wherever we give of ourselves.  Especially when we sacrifice in the name of others.  For in order to get a hug you need to give a hug.  For those who forgive will be forgiven.  Those who give will receive.  This learning has been a big part of my recovery.

O Lord, may your hand and your mercy be with me and my work.  May your light shine through my work.  I will never forget the day more than two years ago, I cried out and you answered.  May you guide me in answering the cries of other addicts in their time of need.  That I may show them and demonstrate your path in their lives.  May I also show your grace in my life and my choices so that I forgive those who have hurt me and let go of my resentments.  That I will seek your grace and humility in situations where my pride and competitive greed would be a natural tendency.  For the path that You offer is unique in its ability to being true happiness and true hope.  I know if I can demonstrate the power and love of Your path I can bring hope where there is despair.  I pray I can be that instrument of hope and peace.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 137: How shall we sing the Lord's song while in a strange land?

Psalm 137

¹By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, yea, we wept,
      when we remembered Zion.
²We hanged our harps
      upon the willows in the midst thereof.
³For there they that carried us away captive required of us a song;
      and they that wasted us required of us mirth,
      saying, Sing us one of the songs of Zion.

⁴How shall we sing the LORD's song
      in a strange land?
⁵If I forget thee, O Jerusalem,
      let my right hand forget her cunning.
⁶If I do not remember thee,
      let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth;
if I prefer not Jerusalem above
      my chief joy.

⁷Remember, O Lord, the children of Edom in the day of Jerusalem;
      who said, Rase it, rase it, even to the foundation thereof.
⁸O daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed;
      happy shall he be, that rewardeth thee as thou hast served us.
⁹Happy shall he be, that taketh
      and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

The setting for Psalm 137 is Babylon after they had taken the Israelites captive out of the homeland.  How could the Isrealites sing for Babylonians the song(s) of our Lord?   They have brought so much pain and suffering to the Israelites.  Some scholars point out that those who are happy at calamities, especially the calamities of Israel, shall not go on unpunished.  However, I believe in these situations we shall hope for God to intercede.  For in the Lord's prayer we learn that we cannot be forgiven unless we first forgive others.  We must remember that Jesus died for the forgive of us our sins - he paid the ultimate price for us.  So, as hard as it may seem, when people trespass against we must forgive them.

Lord, our father in heaven.  Hallowed be thy name.  Thy Kingdom come.  Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us today our daily bread.  Forgives us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.  Lead us us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  For thine is the power and the glory forever.

For if we give those who sin against us - your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  Amen

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 136:14-26 (KJV): To him which led his people through the wilderness

Psalm 136: 14-26
¹⁴And made Israel to pass through the midst of it:
      for his mercy endureth for ever:
¹⁵But overthrew Pharaoh and his host in the Red sea:
      for his mercy endureth for ever.

¹⁶To him which led his people through the wilderness:
      for his mercy endureth for ever.

¹⁷To him which smote great kings:
      for his mercy endureth for ever:
¹⁸And slew famous kings:
      for his mercy endureth for ever:
¹⁹Sihon king of the Amorites:
      for his mercy endureth for ever:
²⁰And Og the king of Bashan:
      for his mercy endureth for ever:
²¹And gave their land for an heritage:
      for his mercy endureth for ever:
²²Even an heritage unto Israel his servant:
      for his mercy endureth for ever.

²³Who remembered us in our low estate:
      for his mercy endureth for ever:
²⁴And hath redeemed us from our enemies:
      for his mercy endureth for ever.
²⁵Who giveth food to all flesh:
      for his mercy endureth for ever.

²⁶O give thanks unto the God of heaven:
      for his mercy endureth for ever.

Today my blog format changes slightly.  Every now and then life...I'm not sure if it's God this time...but life throws us a curve ball.  It could be God testing my commitment to my recovery, I suppose.  I any case the curveball, today, came in the form of Google migrating its Picasa platform to Google Plus.  Normally, I guess this shouldn't be a big deal.  However, in Google Plus there's no longer a "link to this photo" option.  So, I had to import the photo manually - which created a bit of a format change - and took some time to set-up.  Hence some of the delay in getting this blog up.

The point of all this, is this, just as we get comfortable, things change, and we have to adapt.  That's all part of the story.  Some changes are going to be acceptable and easy to manage.  Others, especially when we're more set in our ways, are going to seem near impossible to get used to.  These changes bring fear, frustration, and in extreme cases, threaten us.  If we learn to rely on our faith in times of small change, then we will tend to rely on our faith in times of large, or larger, change.

As was the case for God's people, here in Psalm 136, whom he brought out of Egypt, and brought change into their lives.  The journey through desert is likely a good metaphor for change.  Especially, in our case of recovery.  Our journey through recovery seems long and arduous, lonely and overwhelming.  We may feel like we are wandering at times.  Nevertheless, we need to learn from the Isrealites lessons that change is always an opportunity.  God brings these changes, with the fear and frustration, as opportunities to rely on our faith to reach a destination or goal.  Ultimately, a goal of some kind of salvation.

Lord, be with me today on my journey as I continue to experience changes.  Changes which will bring opportunities to more holy, and opportunities where I can continue to share your light.  As I experience these changes, whether small or large, help me and guide me so that my faith in you can grow and become stronger.  Help bring me to a point that my faith is so strong that I can truly embrace change without fear.  For I know that fear means failure.  For in fear we freeze, when we freeze we are incapable of growth.  Fear keeps me from a strong relationship with You, Lord.  Give me the faith and courage to live a life you intend.  In Yours sons name.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.