Psalm 1 (KJV) - Be like a tree planted by the rivers, bearing fruit

From Psalms

Psalm 1 (KJV)

¹Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly,
nor standeth in the way of sinners,
      nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

²But his delight is in the law of the LORD;
      and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

³And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water,
      that bringeth forth his fruit in his season;
      his leaf also shall not wither;
      and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

⁴The ungodly are not so:
      but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away.

⁵Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment,
      nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.

⁶For the LORD knoweth the way of the righteous:
      but the way of the ungodly shall perish.

This Psalm means more to me than six months ago (or so) when I first wrote it.  At the time I didn't understand the fruits the way I do now.  In a parable kind of way, I feel like the tree by the river, in a way I couldn't have felt six months ago.  I see the fruit of the spirit (Galations 5:22,23) in my life:  love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

I will have many more opportunities to talk about the fruit in later days.  However, for now let's focus on the fruit of peace.  This peace comes from the promises of the 12 steps.  I know now how to handle situations that used to baffle me.  Although my journey through the 12 steps is not complete - I am amazed before I am half-way through.

My entire life during my sex addiction had become unmanageable – not just the addicted part of my life, but my whole life.  You see, lies were not just part of covering up my addiction. Lies were everywhere.  Somedays I couldn't keep them all straight.  The worst part was when I believed the lies I told myself.  Now there is a genuine sense of relief and peace that I now do not have to lie.  The beauty of the 12 steps and my recovery is that I'm more honest about everything now, too.  I am truly grateful for the peace I have found in my recovery. 

I hope you will join me over the next 6 months as I try to journey through Psalms, again, and work on completing my 12 step journey.  I hope this journey will also help you, either with your own addiction, or helping somebody close to you who is afflicted with addiction.

thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 19 (NIV) - Lord keep me from my sinful ways, that they not rule over me

From Psalms

Psalm 19
(New International Version, Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica)
(For the director of music. A psalm of David.)



¹The heavens declare the glory of God;
      the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
²Day after day they pour forth speech;
      night after night they reveal knowledge.
³They have no speech, they use no words;
      no sound is heard from them.
⁴Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
      their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.
⁵     It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
      like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
⁶It rises at one end of the heavens
      and makes its circuit to the other;
      nothing is deprived of its warmth.

⁷ The law of the LORD is perfect,
      refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
      making wise the simple.
⁸The precepts of the LORD are right,
      giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
      giving light to the eyes.
⁹The fear of the LORD is pure,
      enduring forever.
The decrees of the LORD are firm,
      and all of them are righteous.

¹⁰They are more precious than gold,
      than much pure gold;
      they are sweeter than honey,
      than honey from the honeycomb.
¹¹By them your servant is warned;
      in keeping them there is great reward.
¹²But who can discern their own errors?
      Forgive my hidden faults.
¹³Keep your servant also from willful sins;
      may they not rule over me.
Then I will be blameless,
      innocent of great transgression.

¹⁴May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
      be pleasing in your sight,
      O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Today temptation is all around me. I am out of town for work..."on business," as it were. This used to be my great downfall. I could isolate and watch porn or visit new and adventurous strip clubs. I would dig myself deeper into my addiction. Today, though, it is different - I know that I am dealing with a progressive disease that will strike in new ways everyday - even in recovery. So I must be prepared. In fact, my own sponsor recently relapsed after more than 6 months of sobriety despite being at this recovery game much longer than I have. And so I learned that none of us addicts can become complacent lest we fall back into the hole of our addiction. In my preparation I was even ready to find a meeting in this town away from home to help me find fellowship in my recovery - because I know that is our best means in fighting this disease.

And this is the context for which I am looking at Psalm 19, again. The ways of the Lord, His decrees, His law, His word, His precepts, His statutes, His commands, and even the fear of the Lord are great and valuable. More valuable than gold. Sweeter than honey. This I know because in following them, as difficult as it may be, bring joy, beauty, love, and richness of life that is hard to measure.

Knowing this I pray that the Lord forgive my most sinful faults, which I try to hide. Knowing this I pray that the Lord keep me from addictive ways (or willful sins), help me avoid being sucked into the temptations around me, and that they not rule over me.

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in the sight of the Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 18 (NIV) Pt II - You armed me with strength and I destroyed my foes

From Psalms

Psalm 18
(New International Version, Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica)

(For the director of music. Of David the servant of the LORD. He sang to the LORD the words of this song when the LORD delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul. He said:)

³⁶You provide a broad path for my feet,
      so that my ankles do not give way.

³⁷I pursued my enemies and overtook them;
      I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
³⁸I crushed them so that they could not rise;
      they fell beneath my feet.
³⁹You armed me with strength for battle;
      you humbled my adversaries before me.
⁴⁰You made my enemies turn their backs in flight,
      and I destroyed my foes.
⁴¹They cried for help, but there was no one to save them—
      to the LORD, but he did not answer.
⁴²I beat them as fine as windblown dust;
      I trampled them like mud in the streets.
⁴³You have delivered me from the attacks of the people;
      you have made me the head of nations.
   People I did not know now serve me,
⁴⁴   foreigners cower before me;
      as soon as they hear of me, they obey me.
⁴⁵They all lose heart;
      they come trembling from their strongholds.

⁴⁶The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!
      Exalted be God my Savior!
⁴⁷He is the God who avenges me,
      who subdues nations under me,
⁴⁸   who saves me from my enemies.
You exalted me above my foes;
      from a violent man you rescued me.
⁴⁹Therefore I will praise you, LORD, among the nations;
      I will sing the praises of your name.

⁵⁰He gives his king great victories;
      he shows unfailing love to his anointed,
      to David and to his descendants forever.

Today, I feel good - and ready to face another day with new strength. God has a way of answering our prayers even in ways we don't necessarily expect.  I was having a bad day yesterday. One that, in the past, would have inevitably lead me to acting out. However, I went to a meeting where we were doing a reading from Step 4 from "The 12 steps for Christians" (Please see my "Books" section for more information).  As we were reading this I realized that I was having a bad day because I wasn't being honest with myself.  I was trying to do too much - and had committed to too many things at work and at home.  I was being stretched between the two, home and work, and wasn't supporting either very well.

I started to go over the day again and analyzed how I would do it again if I were to do it over.  As I went over it I understood my role in creating the situation.  You see during the day I felt like people were out to get me - which is common for addicts.  As we go through step 4 we realize that's not really the case.  We realize that there are probably things that we do to make these situations happen.  At some point along the way I had forgotten these key truths.

So, today I am armed with strength and I am armed with knowledge.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 18 (NIV) Pt I - He reached down...drew me out of deep waters

From Psalms

Psalm 18
(New International Version, Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica)

(For the director of music. Of David the servant of the LORD. He sang to the LORD the words of this song when the LORD delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul. He said:)
¹I love you, LORD, my strength.

² The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
     my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
     my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

³I called to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
     and I have been saved from my enemies.
⁴The cords of death entangled me;
     the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
⁵The cords of the grave coiled around me;
     the snares of death confronted me.

⁶In my distress I called to the LORD;
     I cried to my God for help.
     From his temple he heard my voice;
     my cry came before him, into his ears.
⁷The earth trembled and quaked,
     and the foundations of the mountains shook;
     they trembled because he was angry.
⁸Smoke rose from his nostrils;
     consuming fire came from his mouth,
     burning coals blazed out of it.
⁹He parted the heavens and came down;
     dark clouds were under his feet.
¹⁰He mounted the cherubim and flew;
     he soared on the wings of the wind.
¹¹He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—
     the dark rain clouds of the sky.
¹²Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,
     with hailstones and bolts of lightning.
¹³The LORD thundered from heaven;
     the voice of the Most High resounded.
¹⁴He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy,
     with great bolts of lightning he routed them.
¹⁵The valleys of the sea were exposed
     and the foundations of the earth laid bare
     at your rebuke, LORD,
     at the blast of breath from your nostrils.

¹⁶He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
     he drew me out of deep waters.
¹⁷He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
     from my foes, who were too strong for me.
¹⁸They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
     but the LORD was my support.
¹⁹He brought me out into a spacious place;
     he rescued me because he delighted in me.

²⁰The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
     according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.
²¹For I have kept the ways of the LORD;
     I am not guilty of turning from my God.
²²All his laws are before me;
     I have not turned away from his decrees.
²³I have been blameless before him
     and have kept myself from sin.
²⁴The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
     according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.

²⁵To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
     to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
²⁶to the pure you show yourself pure,
     but to the devious you show yourself shrewd.
²⁷You save the humble
     but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.
²⁸You, LORD, keep my lamp burning;
     my God turns my darkness into light.
²⁹With your help I can advance against a troop;
     with my God I can scale a wall.

³⁰As for God, his way is perfect:
     The LORD’s word is flawless;
     he shields all who take refuge in him.
³¹For who is God besides the LORD?
     And who is the Rock except our God?
³²It is God who arms me with strength
     and keeps my way secure.
³³He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
     he causes me to stand on the heights.
³⁴He trains my hands for battle;
     my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
³⁵You make your saving help my shield,
     and your right hand sustains me;
     your help has made me great.

Psalm 18 marks the first of many psalms that I could not fit into 1 page. So, Psalm 18 will span multiple days. This is good because then I can share more messages...more good news...about this Psalm.

In any case, let's start with verse 16-19, because this stands out to me.  During my recovery he reached down from high, took hold of me; pulled me out deep waters.  Lord knows I was in over my head in my addiction - and drowning.  He rescued me from my enemy, which was my addiction, which was too strong and powerful for me (step 1).  My addiction confronted me in the day of my disaster but God was my support.  He brought me to a good and spacious place...where I was out of danger.

Then from verses 25-29.  God is faithful - and those who are faithful to God, know this.  You are blameless, and those who are blameless know this.  You are pure - and those who are pure, know this, too.  However, when people are devious and choose to follow their own plan - they know You are shrewd.  You save the humble, turn darkness to light.  With God nothing is impossible - with You I can scale a wall.

I have mentioned in the past that I have a problem with some of these Psalms.  It's not a problem with the Psalms per se, as much as it is a problem with me.  You see, verses 20-24, the Lord did not save me because I am righteous.  He saved me because he is righteous.  He saved me because he is a forgiving Lord.  He saved me according to His righteousness.  That's not to say I don't try everyday to be more like Jesus than the day before.  But try as I might, I still fail.  I am not perfect.  However, God knows this - and he saves me regardless.  For that I am truly grateful.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 17 (NIV) - I call on you, my God, for you will answer me

From Psalms

Psalm 17 (New International Version, Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica)
(A prayer of David.)

¹ Hear me, LORD, my plea is just;
     listen to my cry.
Hear my prayer—
     it does not rise from deceitful lips.
²Let my vindication come from you;
     may your eyes see what is right.

³Though you probe my heart,
     though you examine me at night and test me,
you will find that I have planned no evil;
     my mouth has not transgressed.
⁴Though people tried to bribe me,
     I have kept myself from the ways of the violent
     through what your lips have commanded.
⁵My steps have held to your paths;
     my feet have not stumbled.

⁶I call on you, my God, for you will answer me;
     turn your ear to me and hear my prayer.
⁷Show me the wonders of your great love,
     you who save by your right hand
     those who take refuge in you from their foes.
⁸Keep me as the apple of your eye;
     hide me in the shadow of your wings
⁹from the wicked who are out to destroy me,
     from my mortal enemies who surround me.

¹⁰They close up their callous hearts,
     and their mouths speak with arrogance.
¹¹They have tracked me down, they now surround me,
     with eyes alert, to throw me to the ground.
¹²They are like a lion hungry for prey,
     like a fierce lion crouching in cover.

¹³Rise up, LORD, confront them, bring them down;
     with your sword rescue me from the wicked.
¹⁴By your hand save me from such people, LORD,
     from those of this world whose reward is in this life.
May what you have stored up for the wicked fill their bellies;
     may their children gorge themselves on it,
     and may there be leftovers for their little ones.

¹⁵As for me, I will be vindicated and will see your face;
     when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.

I have to admit I have a bit of problem with Psalm 17, especially verses 3-5.  For who has not stumbled in His path?  Who has not lied?  Who's mouth has not transgressed?  Who among us is without sin?  That is what I find so amazing about our Christian God.

Despite being deceitful.  Despite being liars.  Despite being addicts.  Despite all that, God still shows everything in verses 6-15.  God still answers our prayers.  God still shows us "the wonders of his great love."  He keeps each of us as the apple of His eye.  He hides us in the shadow of His wings.  He rescues us from the wicked.  He does all of this because we are forgiven because, here on Good Friday, we remember Jesus died on the cross for us.

Let me put this into context.  In the past few days I have had to deal with addictive urges.  6 months into my sobriety, I find my thoughts on sex can still be consuming.  There has been a lot of stress at work; I have been working a lot; not getting much sleep.  I still have a part of my brain that feels the need to mask that stress with porn, and of course the endorphins.  So, I have to pray.  I have to focus on Psalms.  I have to focus on the 12 steps.  Focus until the urge and temptation within me subsides, because as strong as the urge is, I have faith that it will subside.  It does subside, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, but it does subside.  With God's grace, he answers my prayers and the urges subside, and once again I can move forward in His path.  I breathe a sigh of relief and move forward - and I feel like I am forgiven.

Thanks for letting me share.