Psalm 16 (KJV) - Thou wilt show me the path of life

From Psalms

Psalm 16
(A miktam of David)

¹Preserve me, O God:
      for in thee do I put my trust.
²O my soul, thou hast said unto the LORD, Thou art my Lord:
      my goodness extendeth not to thee;
³But to the saints that are in the earth,
      and to the excellent, in whom is all my delight.
⁴Their sorrows shall be multiplied
      that hasten after another god:
their drink offerings of blood will I not offer,
      nor take up their names into my lips.

⁵The LORD is the portion of mine inheritance and of my cup:
      thou maintainest my lot.
⁶The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places;
      yea, I have a goodly heritage.

⁷I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel:
      my reins also instruct me in the night seasons.
⁸I have set the LORD always before me:
      because he is at my right hand,
      I shall not be moved.

⁹Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth:
      my flesh also shall rest in hope.
¹⁰For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell (Sheol);
      neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption.
¹¹Thou wilt show me the path of life:
      in thy presence is fullness of joy;
      at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

The life of an addict is no life at all.  It is full of desperation.  It is full of pain and sorrow.  It is full of confusion.  It is full of failure.

Thankfully there is recovery in the 12 steps and in a higher power.  I am reading a great book right now called The Making of a Disciple, by Keith Phillips.  In it he puts a new perspective on Step 3 for me.  In it he talks about self death - the dying of self.  In my case, the person I was as an addict, and replacing it with God.

For me this makes a lot of sense to me - as the path of life.  Specifically because the life I had (as an addict) was empty and truly was no life at all.  However, through God I am experiencing a new joy and new pleasures.  Truly I have a long way to go to what Dr. Phillips expresses as a true disciple, but I think I'm heading in the right direction.  There are many similarities between what Dr. Phillips calls discipling and being a sponsor in twelve step programs.  So, as I make my way through the last four steps I think he has helped give me guidance and goals to aim for in my 12 step journey.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 15 (KJV) - who shall dwell in thy holy hill?

From Psalms

Psalm 15
(A psalm of David.)

¹LORD, who shall abide in thy tabernacle?
who shall dwell in thy holy hill?

²He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness,
      and speaketh the truth in his heart.
³He that backbiteth not with his tongue,
      nor doeth evil to his neighbour,
      nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour.
⁴In whose eyes a vile person is condemned;
      but he honoureth them that fear the LORD.
He that sweareth to his own hurt, and changeth not.
⁵He that putteth not out his money to usury,
      nor taketh reward against the innocent.

He that doeth these things shall never be moved.

A short and simple psalm - with simple truths.  Who shall go to heaven?  The upright and righteous of course. Those who are honest.  Those who do no wrong to their neighbor or gossip.  Those who condemn evil - I have to believe the psalmist means openly.  Those who do not go back on their word, despite what suffering they may experience.  Those who give of reasonably of their money and do not overcharge for it.  Those who does these things will have the strength of the Lord on their side.

It's merely 5 verses.  On the surface it looks so easy - but as I ponder these...these gestures, these actions, I realize it's not so easy to maintain.  I lie and am dishonest.  I gossip.  I turn a blind eye when I see evil.  I break promises.  I take little risk with my money and invest it where I expect to get the best return.  Thinking only of myself.  I may do these things all the time.  I may not do these things everyday.  Nevertheless, I do them and have some spiritual character to develop.

I may be hard on myself - however, I think I need to be realistic about the things I need to fix to realize that I need God's help to remove my defects of character.

Dear Lord, keep me honest with what I know in my heart to be true.  Teach me to think more of others, to be considerate, supportive and selfless.  Guide me in ways that are caring, considerate and loving instead of lustful.  Help me be responsible and thoughtful when my nature is to be reckless, self-indulgent and impulsive. Direct me in ways to keep me calm tempered and patient.  Remind me, when I covet and steal, that the gifts you provide me are worth far more than anything worldly, and I should be more grateful for those.  Finally, give me the courage and strength to be open, when my tendency is to be defensive and withdrawn.

I suppose that's how we humbly ask for God to remove our shortcomings.  That feels good - I think I'll be able to sleep better tonight.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 14 (KJV) - because the Lord is his refuge

From Psalms

Psalm 14
(For the director of music. Of David.)

¹The fool hath said in his heart,
      There is no God.
They are corrupt, they have done abominable works,
      there is none that doeth good.
²The LORD looked down from heaven upon the children of men,
      to see if there were any that did understand, and seek God.
³They are all gone aside,
      they are all together become filthy:
      there is none that doeth good, no, not one.
⁴Have all the workers of iniquity no knowledge?
      who eat up my people as they eat bread, and call not upon the LORD.
⁵There were they in great fear:
      for God is in the generation of the righteous.
⁶Ye have shamed the counsel of the poor,
      because the LORD is his refuge.
⁷Oh that the salvation of Israel were come out of Zion!
      when the LORD bringeth back the captivity of his people,
Jacob shall rejoice, and Israel shall be glad.

So, for the second time in just over a month I am travelling for business.  I am tempted - I am lustful.  Thankfully, my schedule has kept me quite busy so that venturing out on my own to find a strip bar or massage parlor in the area isn't really an option.  At night I've been tired that I can actually sleep well, but not so tired I don't have my wits about me that I need to buy an adult movie.

Keeping my mind focused this morning on Psalms, and on God, helps.  It helps a lot, because the Lord is my refuge.  He captures my mind and is my captivity.  However as I read this psalm through, again, I have to wonder are we all filthy?  Filthy, yes, but not without hope.  There is hope that in this world of shallowness and greed - that He shall make his way known to us.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 13 (KJV) - How long wilt thou forget me...he hath dealt bountifully to me

From Psalms

Psalm 13
(For the director of music. A psalm of David.)

¹How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever?
      how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
²How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
      having sorrow in my heart daily?
      how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?

³Consider and hear me, O LORD my God:
      lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;
⁴Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him;
      and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.
⁵But I have trusted in thy mercy;
      my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.
⁶I will sing unto the LORD,
      because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

Today my blog received its first comment. I was so stoked only to find out it somebody who was just trying to make money from his adsense. His comment had nothing to do with my blog. It was very disappointing.  Nevertheless, on this blogger's site he had a prayer which reminded of the "Paradoxes of Prayer" which is in step seven of "The Twelve Steps for Christians" (p 120) from RPI Publishing.  Psalm 13 also reminds of this prayer - with the paradox of "having sorrow in my heart daily..." yet at the same time, "he hath dealt bountifully with me."

Paradoxes of Prayer

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve

I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey...

I asked for health, that I might do greater things

I was given infirmity, that I might do better things...

I asked for riches, that I might be happy

I was given poverty, that I might be wise...

I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men

I was given weakness, that I might feel the need for God...

I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life

I was given life, that I might enjoy all things...

I got nothing that I asked for - but everything I had hoped for

Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered

I am among all, most richly blessed!

How true this fits to my current pursuit in humbly asking God to remove my defects of character.  There's not much else to say...all I can do is sit and meditate on these thoughts.

Thank you for letting me share.

Psalm 12 (KJV) - With a double heart do they speak

From Psalms

Psalm 12
(For the director of music. According to sheminith (musical term). A psalm of David.)

¹Help, LORD; for the godly man ceaseth;
      for the faithful fail from among the children of men.
²They speak vanity every one with his neighbor:
      with flattering lips and with a double heart do they speak.
³The LORD shall cut off all flattering lips,
      and the tongue that speaketh proud things:
⁴Who have said, With our tongue will we prevail;
      our lips are our own: who is lord over us?
⁵For the oppression of the poor,
      for the sighing of the needy,
now will I arise, saith the LORD;
      I will set him in safety from him that puffeth at him.
⁶The words of the LORD are pure words:
      as silver tried in a furnace of earth,
      purified seven times.
⁷Thou shalt keep them, O LORD,
      thou shalt preserve them from this generation for ever.
⁸The wicked walk on every side,
      when the vilest men are exalted.

This is great psalm...I think you'll find I say that about a lot of Psalms because, I guess, I have come to appreciate the honesty of psalms.

It just so happens this is what this psalm is all about - honesty.  We all lie.  We exaggerate, we withhold information, we play dumb, we cover up, we deflect...and then sometimes we just down right lie.  We tell people we were somewhere when we weren't.  Or that we weren't when we were.  We all lie, unfortunately.  And because lying is a sin, we are all sinful.  There is no longer any godly person among us.  Even the most faithful believer fails.

When we take step one as addicts and alcoholics lying and dishonesty is a big part of our (un)manageability.     As addicts we lied, we were deceitful, and we covered up our problem.  We lied to our spouses, we lied to our kids, we lied to our co-workers - and we especially lied to ourselves.  We lied so much we couldn't keep track of our lies - and sometimes had to double back on our lies when our lies conflicted.

One of the biggest things for me, in recovery, I am now more aware of where I spent my time.  When I was acting out, at the end of a busy week, I knew I had been busy but I couldn't tell you where I spent my time because I couldn't be honest with myself about the time I had spent acting out.  Now, it's so nice to know where I spent my time at the end of a busy week.  In general, it's so nice not to have to keep track of the lies.

Don't get me wrong, there is still more work I am doing to be honest.  I had lied to my wife so much that sometimes I still don't understand that I can, and need to, be honest with her all the time.  I continue to pray to God to remove my dishonest nature - and everyday, bit by bit, slowly, I can see him working this process in my heart.

Thanks for letting me share.