Psalm 39 (KJV): My hope is in thee - Deliver me from my transgressions

From Psalms

Psalm 39
(For the director of music. For Jeduthun. A psalm of David.)

¹I said, I will take heed to my ways,
      that I sin not with my tongue:
I will keep my mouth with a bridle,
      while the wicked is before me.
²I was dumb with silence,
      I held my peace, even from good;
      and my sorrow was stirred.
³My heart was hot within me,
      while I was musing the fire burned:
      then spake I with my tongue,

⁴LORD, make me to know mine end,
      and the measure of my days,
      what it is: that I may know how frail I am.
⁵Behold, thou hast made my days as an handbreadth;
      and mine age is as nothing before thee:
      verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity.       Selah.
⁶Surely every man walketh in a vain shew:
      surely they are disquieted in vain:
      he heapeth up riches, and knoweth not who shall gather them.

⁷And now, Lord, what wait I for?
      my hope is in thee.
⁸Deliver me from all my transgressions:
      make me not the reproach of the foolish.
⁹I was dumb, I opened not my mouth;
      because thou didst it.
¹⁰Remove thy stroke away from me:
      I am consumed by the blow of thine hand.
¹¹When thou with rebukes dost correct man for iniquity,
      thou makest his beauty to consume away like a moth:
      surely every man is vanity.                                              Selah.

¹²Hear my prayer, O LORD,
      and give ear unto my cry;
      hold not thy peace at my tears:
for I am a stranger with thee,
      and a sojourner, as all my fathers were.
¹³O spare me, that I may recover strength,
      before I go hence, and be no more.

In the grand scheme of things, my life is not very much - a handsbreadth, nothing in the presence of God and the world.  Even all that I have to offer is nothing but my own vanity.  All my busy-ness is all vanity.  I am starting to realize that the stress and pressure in my life comes from my vain bustling.  Attempting vainly to find purpose in my life.

I get caught up in this bustle and get lost.  The more I get lost the more I lie to myself.  I lie that I have things under control.  I don't have anything under control.  The more I try to control, the more I lose control.  Once I realize that, I realize then that I need to hand control over to God.  The more I hand control over to God, the more control there is in my life.  Sometimes I forget that, so let me pray for some help remembering that.

Hear my prayer, O Lord.  Lord, save me from my transgressions.  Deliver me from my vanity.  Help me focus on what is important.  Help me remember that you are the purpose in my life.  In You, O God, I find peace; I know that to be true because I have seen that.  Without You my life is a manic stressful meaningless bustle.  Spare me, O Lord, that I might find your way and be your servant.  That my life may become purposeful before it is over.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 38 (KJV): I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly

From Psalms

Psalm 38
(A psalm of David. A petition.)

¹O Lord, rebuke me not in thy wrath:
      neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure.
²For thine arrows stick fast in me,
      and thy hand presseth me sore.
³There is no soundness in my flesh because of thine anger;
      neither is there any rest in my bones because of my sin.
⁴For mine iniquities are gone over mine head:
      as an heavy burden they are too heavy for me.

⁵My wounds stink and are corrupt
      because of my foolishness.
⁶I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly;
      I go mourning all the day long.
⁷For my loins are filled with a loathsome disease:
      and there is no soundness in my flesh.
⁸I am feeble and sore broken:
      I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart.

⁹Lord, all my desire is before thee;
      and my groaning is not hid from thee.
¹⁰My heart panteth, my strength faileth me:
      as for the light of mine eyes, it also is gone from me.
¹¹My lovers and my friends stand aloof from my sore;
      and my kinsmen stand afar off.
¹²They also that seek after my life lay snares for me:
      and they that seek my hurt speak mischievous things,
      and imagine deceits all the day long.

¹³But I, as a deaf man, heard not;
      and I was as a dumb man that openeth not his mouth.
¹⁴Thus I was as a man that heareth not,
      and in whose mouth are no reproofs.
¹⁵For in thee, O LORD, do I hope:
      thou wilt hear, O Lord my God.
¹⁶For I said, Hear me, lest otherwise they should rejoice over me:
      when my foot slippeth, they magnify themselves against me.

¹⁷For I am ready to halt,
      and my sorrow is continually before me.
¹⁸For I will declare mine iniquity;
      I will be sorry for my sin.
¹⁹But mine enemies are lively, and they are strong:
      and they that hate me wrongfully are multiplied.
²⁰They also that render evil for good are mine adversaries;
      because I follow the thing that good is.

²¹Forsake me not, O LORD:
      O my God, be not far from me.
²²Make haste to help me,
      O Lord my salvation.

There are days like today, when I feel like I cannot bare the weight of life.  At more than one time during the day - in the past two days I felt like I needed something to take the edge off.  I can't keep up with everything going on.  The stress of work is overwhelming - and things get a little too tense at home.  The alcoholic in me thinks I need a quick drink to take it away.  Thankfully there's nothing in reach to lose my sobriety on.

Thankfully, too, I have psalms.  In psalms I know I'm not alone, in psalms I know I have salvation and help, in psalms I have perspective.

God, help me in this stress and pressure.  Help me get through these budgets and projects.  Help me keep your way - and let go of my need to control everything.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 37:23-40 (KJV): the Lord is their strength in times of trouble

From Psalms

Psalm 37:23-40
(Of David.)



²³The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD:
      and he delighteth in his way.
²⁴Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down:
      for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.

²⁵I have been young, and now am old;
      yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken,
      nor his seed begging bread.
²⁶He is ever merciful, and lendeth;
      and his seed is blessed.

²⁷Depart from evil, and do good;
      and dwell for evermore.
²⁸For the LORD loveth judgment,
      and forsaketh not his saints;

they are preserved for ever:
      but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off.
²⁹The righteous shall inherit the land,
      and dwell therein for ever.

³⁰The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom,
      and his tongue talketh of judgment.
³¹The law of his God is in his heart;
      none of his steps shall slide.

³²The wicked watcheth the righteous,
      and seeketh to slay him.
³³The LORD will not leave him in his hand,
      nor condemn him when he is judged.

³⁴Wait on the LORD,
      and keep his way,
and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land:
      when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it.

³⁵I have seen the wicked in great power,
      and spreading himself like a green bay tree.
³⁶Yet he passed away, and, lo, he was not:
      yea, I sought him, but he could not be found.

³⁷Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright:
      for the end of that man is peace.
³⁸But the transgressors shall be destroyed together:
      the end of the wicked shall be cut off.

³⁹But the salvation of the righteous is of the LORD:
      he is their strength in the time of trouble.
⁴⁰And the LORD shall help them, and deliver them:
      he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them,
      because they trust in him.

The last part of psalm 37 seems interesting to me, today.  It's about comparing the wicked and the righteous.  Clearly there is a fine because even the righteous sin.  The psalmist seems to understand this in verse 23 in saying the that the righteous do fall, but not cast down.  However, I think there are some things outlined here which give us an indication of the difference between the righteous and the wicked.

Let's look at verse 31 - the righteous hold the law (or laws) of the Lord in their heart.  To me this means a couple of things.  First, to me it says that even though we may sin or have transgression it's not with mal intent in their heart.  Not the way the wicked are described in verse 32, in the way they seek to slay the righteous, with seemingly hate in their heart.

The law of the lord also prompts the righteous to admit their wrongs, to seek forgiveness, and to make amends.  The law of Lord also tells us that we can only be forgiven when we are willing to forgive.  We know that everyone around us are just as capable of sin as we are - so this is a big part of what being righteous is.

Lastly, the righteous trust in the Lord.  The wicked seek protection and strength elsewhere.  Seek the lord and He will become your strength in times of trouble.

Being righteous doesn't mean being perfect.  We, followers of Jesus, seek progress not perfection.  We seek to forgive.  We seek to bring faith where there is doubt.  We seek to bring hope where there is despair, bring joy where there is sorrow, and love where there is hate.  Join me in this journey won't you?

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 37:1-22 (KJV): fret not thyself with...those who prosper in their own way

From Psalms

Psalm 37
(Of David.)

¹Fret not thyself because of evildoers,
      neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.
²For they shall soon be cut down like the grass,
      and wither as the green herb.

³Trust in the LORD, and do good;
so shalt thou dwell in the land,
      and verily thou shalt be fed.
⁴Delight thyself also in the LORD:
      and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

⁵Commit thy way unto the LORD;
      trust also in him;
      and he shall bring it to pass.
⁶And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light,
      and thy judgment as the noonday.

⁷Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him:
      fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way,
because of the man who bringeth wicked
      devices to pass.
⁸Cease from anger, and forsake wrath:
      fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.
⁹For evildoers shall be cut off:
but those that wait upon the LORD,
      they shall inherit the earth.

¹⁰For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be:
      yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.
¹¹But the meek shall inherit the earth;
      and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

¹²The wicked plotteth against the just,
      and gnasheth upon him with his teeth.
¹³The LORD shall laugh at him:
      for he seeth that his day is coming.
¹⁴The wicked have drawn out the sword,
      and have bent their bow,
to cast down the poor and needy,
      and to slay such as be of upright conversation.
¹⁵Their sword shall enter into their own heart,
      and their bows shall be broken.

¹⁶A little that a righteous man hath is better
      than the riches of many wicked.
¹⁷For the arms of the wicked shall be broken:
      but the LORD upholdeth the righteous.

¹⁸The LORD knoweth
      the days of the upright:
and their inheritance
      shall be for ever.
¹⁹They shall not be ashamed
      in the evil time:
and in the days of famine
      they shall be satisfied.

²⁰But the wicked shall perish,
      and the enemies of the LORD shall be as the fat of lambs:
they shall consume;
      into smoke shall they consume away.

²¹The wicked borroweth,
      and payeth not again:
but the righteous sheweth mercy,
      and giveth.
²²For such as be blessed of him
      shall inherit the earth;
and they that be cursed of him
      shall be cut off.

I love the lines, "fret not" for many reasons.  It kind of reminds me that one of the biggest things addicts tend to do is worry.  When we worry we make things bigger than they really are.  We make their consequences more dire.  The effort more significant.  And our situation much worse than it needs to be.  One of the best pieces of advice I've received, and I believe it comes from Dale Carnegie, is that worry uses a lot of energy and produces nothing, when you're worried about something the most effective thing you can do is pray.

When we pray we show our trust in the Lord.  Many times in Psalm 37 we see this recurring theme.  Fret not...trust in the Lord.  Verses 1, Fret not thyself because of evildoers. Verse 7, fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way.  Verse 8, fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.

Fret not,  and wait on the Lord, because the promises and the rewards of the righteous is much greater than the prosperity of the wicked.  The righteous has the fruit of the holy spirit - this is much better than the prosperity of the wicked.  A little that a righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked.  I know this because my life is largely greater in the way of the Lord than the days when I was following the wicked and struggling with my addiction.  Call it karma, call it fate, in due time God will always make sure good will come to the people who commit their way to the Lord.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 36 (KJV): In thy light shall we see light

From Psalms

Psalm 36

¹The transgression of the wicked saith within my heart,
      that there is no fear of God before his eyes.
²For he flattereth himself in his own eyes,
      until his iniquity be found to be hateful.
³The words of his mouth are iniquity and deceit:
      he hath left off to be wise, and to do good.
⁴He deviseth mischief upon his bed;
he setteth himself in a way that is not good;
      he abhorreth not evil.

⁵Thy mercy, O LORD, is in the heavens;
      and thy faithfulness reacheth unto the clouds.
⁶Thy righteousness is like the great mountains;
      thy judgments are a great deep:
O LORD, thou preservest man and beast.

⁷How excellent is thy lovingkindness,
O God! therefore the children of men
      put their trust under the shadow of thy wings.
⁸They shall be abundantly satisfied
      with the fatness of thy house;
and thou shalt make them drink
      of the river of thy pleasures.
⁹For with thee is the fountain of life:
      in thy light shall we see light.

¹⁰O continue thy lovingkindness
      unto them that know thee;
and thy righteousness
      to the upright in heart.
¹¹Let not the foot of pride come against me,
      and let not the hand of the wicked remove me.

¹²There are the workers of iniquity fallen:
they are cast down,
      and shall not be able to rise.

One of the groups that I meet with uses the concept of circles to describe activities in terms of our addiction.  Outer circle is healthy activities, including activities unrelated to my addiction and activities related to recovery.  These could include going to church, going for a run, or working the steps.  Middle circle is activities which generally lead to my addiction behaviors but aren't my addiction themselves.  These would include going to a restaurant (or bar) with the guys from work, working on my computer while home alone, or looking up massage parlors online.  Generally, risky behavior but not acting out in my addiction, things that I need to avoid, or be very careful and aware with.  Where as inner circle are my addictive behaviors which would "reset" my sobriety date; drinking alcohol, watching porn, masturbating.

I go through phases where I find I am spending more time in my middle circle.  Placing myself at risk.  I give this background because as I read through Psalm 36 I realize the person being discussed is not somebody else - it's the enemy within.  I lay awake plotting (verse 4) - justifying that I could stop by a new strip club, and how I could do it.  I continue to lie about my problems (verse 3) - I am not completely open and honest, I continue to cover up.  I flatter myself in the progress that I have made (verse 2) - knowing full well that this journey of recovery is still on-going and there is much more healing to be done.

Some people may say this enemy within is Satan; whispering undermining thoughts into our minds.  I'm not so sure that I buy this explanation.  I believe that it's just the selfish lazy part of me that is looking for the easy path to gratification.  Whatever the source of this evil, as I finish up this writing for the day, an urge that filled me when I started this has passed and is now gone.  Showing once again, when we focus on God he will guide the way - and in thy light shall we see light.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 35 Verses 20-28: And my tongue shall speak of thy righteousness

From Psalms

Psalm 35:20-28

²⁰For they speak not peace:
      but they devise deceitful matters
      against them that are quiet in the land.
²¹Yea, they opened their mouth wide against me, and said, Aha, aha,
      our eye hath seen it.

²²This thou hast seen, O LORD: keep not silence:
      O Lord, be not far from me.
²³Stir up thyself, and awake to my judgment,
      even unto my cause, my God and my Lord.
²⁴Judge me, O LORD my God, according to thy righteousness;
      and let them not rejoice over me.
²⁵Let them not say in their hearts, Ah, so would we have it:
      let them not say, We have swallowed him up.

²⁶Let them be ashamed and brought to confusion
      together that rejoice at mine hurt:
let them be clothed with shame and dishonour
      that magnify themselves against me.
²⁷Let them shout for joy, and be glad,
      that favour my righteous cause:
yea, let them say continually, Let the LORD be magnified,
      which hath pleasure in the prosperity of his servant.
²⁸And my tongue shall speak of thy righteousness
      and of thy praise all the day long.

I was reading one of my recovery books tonight on step 8.  It said that step 8 is about forgiveness.  In order to move forward with amends - first we need to forgive the people in our lives that we had, or have resentments with.

Those people who created conflict.  Those who have plotted and spoke against me.  All those that it would be much easier for me to ask the Lord to wake to my judgement than it would be to forgive.  Forgive them 7x70 times.

I think if you, O Lord, can help me forgive these people who have scarred me with their words - then I will praise you as the most powerful.  For I can hold some serious grudges.  Please help me let go of those resentments and see their perspective so that I can begin the process of forgiveness.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 35 (KJV) Verses 1-19: Lord, how long wilt thou look on?

From Psalms

Psalm 35
(Of David.)

¹Plead my cause, O LORD, with them that strive with me:
      fight against them that fight against me.
²Take hold of shield and buckler,
      and stand up for mine help.
³Draw out also the spear,
      and stop the way against them that persecute me:
say unto my soul,
      I am thy salvation.

⁴Let them be confounded and put to shame
      that seek after my soul:
let them be turned back and brought to confusion
      that devise my hurt.
⁵Let them be as chaff before the wind:
      and let the angel of the LORD chase them.
⁶Let their way be dark and slippery:
      and let the angel of the LORD persecute them.
⁷For without cause have they hid for me their net in a pit,
      which without cause they have digged for my soul.
⁸Let destruction come upon him at unawares;
      and let his net that he hath hid catch himself:
      into that very destruction let him fall.
⁹And my soul shall be joyful in the LORD:
      it shall rejoice in his salvation.
¹⁰All my bones shall say,
      LORD, who is like unto thee,
which deliverest the poor from him that is too strong for him,
      yea, the poor and the needy from him that spoileth him?

¹¹False witnesses did rise up;
      they laid to my charge things that I knew not.
¹²They rewarded me evil for good
      to the spoiling of my soul.
¹³But as for me, when they were sick, my clothing was sackcloth:
      I humbled my soul with fasting;
and my prayer returned into mine own bosom.
¹⁴I behaved myself as though he had been my friend or brother:
I bowed down heavily,
      as one that mourneth for his mother.
¹⁵But in mine adversity they rejoiced, and gathered themselves together:
      yea, the abjects gathered themselves together against me,
      and I knew it not; they did tear me, and ceased not:
¹⁶With hypocritical mockers in feasts,
      they gnashed upon me with their teeth.
¹⁷Lord, how long wilt thou look on?
      rescue my soul from their destructions,
      my darling from the lions.
¹⁸I will give thee thanks in the great congregation:
      I will praise thee among much people.

¹⁹Let not them that are mine enemies
      wrongfully rejoice over me:
neither let them wink with the eye
      that hate me without a cause.

There are times, days, weeks, sometimes months, when things seem to work against us.  And we wonder how long it will go on (verse 17).  We have to ask, "What am I supposed learn from all this?"  Otherwise why would this be part of God's plan for me.  In these times it feels like our prayers come back to us (unanswered) instead of falling on the ear of the Lord (verse 13).

There are two aspects or types of answers to these questions, that I have come to believe over the past 9 months, or so, while working the 12 steps.  The first aspect is that we need a certain level of distress and trouble in our lives to give us perspective, to learn from, to become stronger, to become wiser, or simply to become more faithful in God.

The second type of answer is related to a bigger picture in life.  Sometimes God's plan includes putting us through hardship so that we can be in the right place at the right time to fulfill our purpose - and believe me, you do have a purpose.  For example, Joseph, kidnapped by his own brothers and sold as a slave to Egyptians.  As rocky as my marriage and career got during my addiction I would have to say it was nothing as bad as what we refer to today as human trafficking.  However, God's plan didn't end there for Joseph.  As we know, Joseph becomes prime minister and is in a unique position to save his family during a grave famine.  So, when we look at the whole story, the big picture, everything happened to Joseph, happened for good.

The "moral"?  God's will is for good, in one of a couple of ways.  Sometimes things tend to get worse before they get better.  During those times we need to trust in the Lord, and trust that everything that happens, happens for good.  Either helps us to grow or helps to place us in a better situation.  The lessons during recovery need to help us believe in that truth.  That truth is hopeful - that hope helps us manage our lives through good times and bad - that is recovery.  So, that we know we have God in those times - and don't need our addictions.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 34 (KJV): This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him

From Psalms

Psalm 34
(Written by David when he pretended to be crazy in front of Abimelech, so that Abimelech would send him away, and David could leave.)


¹I will bless the LORD at all times:
      his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
²My soul shall make her boast in the LORD:
      the humble shall hear thereof, and be glad.
³O magnify the LORD with me,
      and let us exalt his name together.

⁴I sought the LORD,
      and he heard me,
 and delivered me
      from all my fears.
⁵They looked unto him, and were lightened:
      and their faces were not ashamed.
⁶This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him,
      and saved him out of all his troubles.

⁷The angel of the LORD encampeth round
      about them that fear him, and delivereth them.
⁸O taste and see that the LORD is good:
      blessed is the man that trusteth in him.

⁹O fear the LORD,
      ye his saints:
for there is no want to them that fear him.
¹⁰The young lions do lack,
      and suffer hunger:
but they that seek the LORD
      shall not want any good thing.

¹¹Come, ye children, hearken unto me:
      I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
¹²What man is he that desireth life,
      and loveth many days, that he may see good?
¹³Keep thy tongue from evil,
      and thy lips from speaking guile.
¹⁴Depart from evil, and do good;
      seek peace, and pursue it.

¹⁵The eyes of the LORD are upon the righteous,
      and his ears are open unto their cry.
¹⁶The face of the LORD is against them that do evil,
      to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.
¹⁷The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth,
      and delivereth them out of all their troubles.
¹⁸The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart;
      and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

¹⁹Many are the afflictions of the righteous:
      but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.
²⁰He keepeth all his bones:
      not one of them is broken.

²¹Evil shall slay the wicked:
      and they that hate the righteous shall be desolate.
²²The LORD redeemeth the soul of his servants:
      and none of them that trust in him shall be desolate.

I'm beginning to enjoy King James Version of psalms.  I use to see it as stodgy and sometime difficult to understand.  This may make me sound as crazy as David was trying to come across here, however, there's a few things this translation teaches me.  First, in KJV, we are the Lord's saints - not just his people (verse 9).  That certainly carries with it a slightly greater implications than simply being one of his people or children.

The other thing I like is the use of affliction, which, sounds like addiction and, is defined as the source or cause of suffering.  The term is used in other translations but not as frequently I find.  What we learn here is that you can be afflicted but still be righteous - not only that but (from verse 19) the righteous will likely have many afflictions.  This baffled me for the longest time.  I thought somehow my affliction of addiction made me incapable of a real relationship with God.  What I know now is you simply need to let go and trust in the Lord before he will always bring you safely through - but know he will bring you safely through.

How do I know?  Well because in my time of need.  When I had no hope left.  When everything had seemed lost (the emotions of verse 18) I finally cried out.  I finally asked for help - His help.  He heard me and he saved me out of all my troubles.  OK, saved seems out of place.  It's out of place because I'm still in the process of being saved.  It's more like He's saving me.  The truth is the trouble never stops so I guess it will be a continual process of saving.  A process which I am praising and blessing God for every day, one day at a time.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 33 (KJV): a mighty man is not delivered by much strength

From Psalms

Psalm 33

¹Rejoice in the LORD, O ye righteous:
      for praise is comely for the upright.
²Praise the LORD with harp:
      sing unto him with the psaltery and an instrument of ten strings.
³Sing unto him a new song;
      play skilfully with a loud noise.

⁴For the word of the LORD is right;
      and all his works are done in truth.
⁵He loveth righteousness and judgment: the earth is full of the goodness of the LORD.

⁶By the word of the LORD were the heavens made;
      and all the host of them by the breath of his mouth.
⁷He gathereth the waters of the sea together as an heap:
      he layeth up the depth in storehouses.
⁸Let all the earth fear the LORD:
      let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him.
⁹For he spake, and it was done;
      he commanded, and it stood fast.
¹⁰The LORD bringeth the counsel of the heathen to nought:
      he maketh the devices of the people of none effect.
¹¹The counsel of the LORD standeth for ever,
      the thoughts of his heart to all generations.

¹²Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD;
      and the people whom he hath chosen for his own inheritance.
¹³The LORD looketh from heaven;
      he beholdeth all the sons of men.
¹⁴From the place of his habitation he looketh upon
      all the inhabitants of the earth.
¹⁵He fashioneth their hearts alike;
      he considereth all their works.
¹⁶There is no king saved by the multitude of an host:
      a mighty man is not delivered by much strength.
¹⁷A horse is a vain thing for safety:
      neither shall he deliver any by his great strength.
¹⁸Behold, the eye of the LORD is upon them that fear him,
      upon them that hope in his mercy;
¹⁹To deliver their soul from death,
      and to keep them alive in famine.

²⁰Our soul waiteth for the LORD:
      he is our help and our shield.
²¹For our heart shall rejoice in him,
      because we have trusted in his holy name.
²²Let thy mercy, O LORD, be upon us,
      according as we hope in thee.

In this world there are some things that no human power can accomplish - as verse 16 implies.  One of those things is overcoming and recovering from addiction.  From (Page 60, Chapter 5, "How it works"of ) the AA big/blue book:

"Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventure before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if he were sought.

It's important to note that the "recovering" from addiction is because addiction is a symptom of greater wounds that we have hidden and often open on our soul.  The process of recovery is more the fact that sobriety by itself healing.  The 12 steps go to the wounds that are driving our addiction.  We eliminate addiction by healing those wounds, not simply be removing the substances from our lives.  We heal those wounds with deep relationship with God.

I don't care how smart you are.  How good looking you might be.  How rich you are.  How strong you are.  How many friends you have.  Or how big your army is.  These wounds, which drive our addictions, will not healed without a relationship with God.  Only in God can this life long struggle be won.

For the relationship with God, which I continue to build in the 12 steps, I rejoice and praise the name of the Lord.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 32 (KJV): Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven

From Psalms

Psalm 32

¹Blessed is he
      whose transgression is forgiven,
      whose sin is covered.
²Blessed is the man
      unto whom the LORD imputeth not iniquity,
      and in whose spirit there is no guile.

³When I kept silence,
      my bones waxed old
      through my roaring all the day long.
⁴For day and night
      thy hand was heavy upon me:
my moisture is turned
      into the drought of summer.                     Selah.
⁵I acknowledge my sin unto thee,
      and mine iniquity have I not hid.
I said, I will confess
      my transgressions unto the LORD;
and thou forgavest
      the iniquity of my sin.                              Selah.

⁶For this shall every one that is godly pray unto thee
      in a time when thou mayest be found:
surely in the floods of great waters
      they shall not come nigh unto him.
⁷Thou art my hiding place;
      thou shalt preserve me from trouble;
      thou shalt compass me about with songs of
            deliverance.                                      Selah.

⁸I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go:
      I will guide thee with mine eye.
⁹Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule,
      which have no understanding:
whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle,
      lest they come near unto thee.
¹⁰Many sorrows shall be to the wicked:
      but he that trusteth in the LORD,
      mercy shall compass him about.

¹¹Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, ye righteous:
      and shout for joy, all ye that are upright in heart.

God is good - and He will forgive us of our sins.  However, in order to be forgiven we must be honest.  We must confess our sins.  As long as we try to cover up or deny our sins, or remain silent about them, God's hand will be heavy in our lives - as the psalmist points out here.  However, as soon we confessed our sins to the Lord he forgave us of those sins...Selah.

This is marvelous thing, and it reminds me of the work I did in Step 5 when I presented the true nature of my wrongs to God.  This put a new perspective on my wrongs and showed me how selfish I was and how small my thinking had become.  When we confess our sins and ask forgiveness of our sins from God, if its done honestly, it should be one of the first steps towards giving up our own lives and living for God.  The whole concept of self-death is very important in living lives that are God centered and no longer centered around our selfish "needs" or desires.  This is certainly the discovery and experience I felt during step 5 and gave me a whole new perspective on life.

So, the psalmist writes, everyone who is godly shall do this in times when we sin.  I would even go so far as to say anyone who is looking for recovery shall do this in their time.  For even in floods of great waters they will not come near to him.  God will protect, shelter, redeem, and deliver us.  We will be guided in the path we were meant to go - because he has a plan for each and every one of us.  So, be glad, be strong, rejoice, and shout for joy...all you who are upright in heart...all you who are searching for recovery.  For God is near.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 31 (KJV) Verses 21-24:Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart

From Psalms

Psalm 31:21-24

²¹Blessed be the LORD:
      for he hath shewed me his marvellous kindness
      in a strong city.
²²For I said in my haste,
      I am cut off from before thine eyes:
nevertheless thou heardest the voice
      of my supplications when I cried unto thee.

²³O love the LORD, all ye his saints:
      for the LORD preserveth the faithful,
      and plentifully rewardeth the proud doer.
²⁴Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart,
      all ye that hope in the LORD.

I'll probably never forget my first meeting listening to a man who talked about how his life changed in sobriety.  A big part of his life before was making appointments up on his calendar so that it looked like he was working when he really off doing something else related to his addiction.  That hit close to home.  I also remember thinking, "Wow, I want what that guy has."  I also remember as I progressed through my recovery it was easier for me to remember where I actually spent my time during the week.  This week I was able to start, and finish, several tasks I had been procrastinating on for a couple of months.  Somehow in my mind these tasks had become larger and more difficult than they really were.  In at least two of the three cases the major stumbling block was simply asking for some kind of help.  So, in all counts, I would say I am starting to see more of what that guy in my first meeting had.  It's a kind of freedom, control, and strength in one.  All thanks to the blessings of the Lord.

And so it is, with the last four verses are fitting to retell this.  Blessed be the Lord for he has shown me marvelous kindness.  He heard my cry for help.  Love the lord for he will save and preserve us.  Be of good courage and he will strengthen your heart, as he did mine; all you who put your hope in the Lord.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 31 (KJV) Verses 1-20:But I trust in you Lord

From Psalms

Psalm 31
(For the director of music.  A psalm of David.)

¹In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust;
      let me never be ashamed:
      deliver me in thy righteousness.
²Bow down thine ear to me;
      deliver me speedily:
be thou my strong rock,
      for an house of defence to save me.
³For thou art my rock and my fortress;
      therefore for thy name's sake lead me, and guide me.
⁴Pull me out of the net that they have laid privily for me:
      for thou art my strength.
⁵Into thine hand I commit my spirit:
      thou hast redeemed me, O LORD God of truth.

⁶I have hated them that regard lying vanities:
      but I trust in the LORD.
⁷I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy:
      for thou hast considered my trouble;
      thou hast known my soul in adversities;
⁸And hast not shut me up into the hand of the enemy:
      thou hast set my feet in a large room.


⁹Have mercy upon me, O LORD, for I am in trouble:
      mine eye is consumed with grief,
      yea, my soul and my belly.
¹⁰For my life is spent with grief,
      and my years with sighing:
my strength faileth because of mine iniquity,
      and my bones are consumed.
¹¹I was a reproach among all mine enemies,
      but especially among my neighbours,
and a fear to mine acquaintance:
      they that did see me without fled from me.
¹²I am forgotten as a dead man out of mind:
      I am like a broken vessel.
¹³For I have heard the slander of many:
      fear was on every side:
while they took counsel together against me,
      they devised to take away my life.

¹⁴But I trusted in thee, O LORD:
      I said, Thou art my God.
¹⁵My times are in thy hand:
      deliver me from the hand of mine enemies,
      and from them that persecute me.
¹⁶Make thy face to shine upon thy servant:
      save me for thy mercies' sake.
¹⁷Let me not be ashamed, O LORD;
      for I have called upon thee:
let the wicked be ashamed,
      and let them be silent in the grave.
¹⁸Let the lying lips be put to silence;
      which speak grievous things proudly
      and contemptuously against the righteous.

¹⁹Oh how great is thy goodness,
      which thou hast laid up for them that fear thee;
which thou hast wrought for them that trust in thee
      before the sons of men!
²⁰Thou shalt hide them in the secret of thy presence
      from the pride of man:
thou shalt keep them secretly in a pavilion
      from the strife of tongues.

Why are the (12) steps so hard?  I look around the meetings I attend and very few have made it as far in the steps that I have with similar lengths of sobriety.  Although I am making much progress I still struggle.  Of course, no solid recovery can come without work and struggle, I know.  However, Step 8 should not be as difficult as I'm making it.  I know the people I have hurt by my addiction.  Yet I can't complete the list.  In fact, I am having trouble getting past the first person.  I fear that if my steps stagnate that I will become complacent and lose my sobriety - get into a situation where I lose control, again.

Lord, I am in trouble; my strength fails because of my iniquity/affliction; I was the slander of many and fear was on every side.  Ah, but I trust in you Lord; My times are in your hand; deliver me from evil, from the hand of my enemies, and my addiction; Make your face shine upon me for your mercies' sake.  Let me not be ashamed for calling upon you.  Oh how great is your goodness.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 30 (KJV): Weeping may last the night but joy will come in the morning

From Psalms

Psalm 30
(A psalm.  A song.  For the dedication of the temple.  Of David.)

¹I will extol thee, O LORD;
      for thou hast lifted me up,
      and hast not made my foes to rejoice over me.
²O LORD my God, I cried unto thee,
      and thou hast healed me.
³O LORD, thou hast brought up my soul from the grave (hebrew sheol):
      thou hast kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.


⁴Sing unto the LORD, O ye saints of his,
      and give thanks at the remembrance of his holiness.
⁵For his anger endureth but a moment;
      in his favour is life:
weeping may endure for a night,
      but joy cometh in the morning.

⁶And in my prosperity I said,
      I shall never be moved.
⁷LORD, by thy favour thou
      hast made my mountain to stand strong:
thou didst hide thy face,
      and I was troubled.

⁸I cried to thee, O LORD;
      and unto the LORD I made supplication.
⁹What profit is there in my blood,
      when I go down to the pit?
Shall the dust praise thee?
      shall it declare thy truth?
¹⁰Hear, O LORD, and have mercy upon me:
      LORD, be thou my helper.

¹¹Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing:
      thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
¹²To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent.
      O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.

Today, while reading I was reminded of some of the thoughts that got me started in this journey through psalms.  What was going through my head as I started this path of healing and recovery.  You see I enjoy running - and competing in marathons.  I train regularly.  I used to train more regularly.  Every week trying to train my body to go farther or faster.

So, when I started I wanted a marathon training program for my soul.  I knew that psalms could be that.  I knew that reading, or in my case, writing one psalm a day would give me a new ability to pray and, I hoped, would bring me closer to God.

This attitude was echoed, Wild at Heart, "A man will devote long hours of is finances when he has a goal of early retirement; he'll endure rigorous training when he aims to run a 10k or even a marathon.  The ability to discipline himself is there, but dormant for many of us."

So, how does this relate to this to psalm 30?  Well, my life was in a pit while I was in my addiction.  It was no coincidence either.  I was spiritually unfit.  Spiritually obese.  If there was a way to measure Body Mass Index for spirituality, mine might have been off the charts.  Now though, after some rigor, some fellowship, and a whole of guidance, he lifts me up.  God has brought me from the grave, the pit, a hell of addiction where my mourning is now dancing.

I may not be the equivalent of an Olympic athlete but at least I now consider myself healthy.  Which is more than I see in a world that suffers and struggles the same way I did.  Don't mistake this for pride - I am noting this because I know in time it will be my role to help others who struggle the way I did.  And a statement of hope.  That if I can do it, then so can they.  For we may be sad and weeping tonight, for the moment - but joy will come in the morning, and will last with us for the rest of our lives.

And so it is, God, that I will give thanks to thee forever.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 29 (KJV):The Lord will give strength unto his people

From Psalms

Psalm 29
(A Psalm of David.)

¹Give unto the LORD, O ye mighty,
      give unto the LORD glory and strength.
²Give unto the LORD the glory due unto his name;
      worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness.

³The voice of the LORD is upon the waters:
      the God of glory thundereth:
      the LORD is upon many waters.
⁴The voice of the LORD is powerful;
      the voice of the LORD is full of majesty.
⁵The voice of the LORD breaketh the cedars;
      yea, the LORD breaketh the cedars of Lebanon.
⁶He maketh them also to skip like a calf;
      Lebanon and Sirion like a young unicorn.

⁷The voice of the LORD divideth the flames of fire.
⁸The voice of the LORD shaketh the wilderness;
      the LORD shaketh the wilderness of Kadesh.

⁹The voice of the LORD maketh the hinds to calve,
      and discovereth the forests:
and in his temple doth
      every one speak of his glory.

¹⁰The LORD sitteth upon the flood;
      yea, the LORD sitteth King for ever.
¹¹The LORD will give strength unto his people;
      the LORD will bless his people with peace.

The Lord is mighty, even his voice alone is strong enough to split apart the mighty and strong cedars of Lebanon.  It is exactly this voice that will give strength unto his people, and will bless his people with peace.  He gives the blessing of life, and the destruction of floods and tsunamis.  It is in that strength, His strength, that we addicts can heal and recover from our addictions.

Recovery and healing is a very personal journey.  In Wild at Heart by John Eldredge he points out Jesus even healed blind people 5 different ways in 5 different instances.  He goes on to say, "There are no formulas with God.  For some, [healing] comes in a moment of divine touch.  For others, it takes place over time with the help of another, maybe several others."  He links this later on, that there is something in common with true healing.  "For only in God will we find the healing of our wound."

That is why the 12 steps have shown themselves to be so effective.  They are flexible in that recovering addicts can move through them at their own pace, and for each person incorporate different activities - but for all rely on growing closer to a God of their understanding.  For we are only able to heal if God's awesome strength and mercy is part of our recovery.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 28 (KJV): The Lord is my strength and my shield

From Psalms

Psalm 28
(Of David.)

¹Unto thee will I cry, O LORD my rock;
      be not silent to me:
lest, if thou be silent to me,
      I become like them that go down into the pit.
²Hear the voice of my supplications,
      when I cry unto thee,
when I lift up my hands
      toward thy holy oracle.

³Draw me not away with the wicked,
      and with the workers of iniquity,
which speak peace to their neighbours,
      but mischief is in their hearts.
⁴Give them according to their deeds,
      and according to the wickedness of their endeavours:
give them after the work of their hands;
      render to them their desert.
⁵Because they regard not the works of the LORD,
      nor the operation of his hands,
he shall destroy them,
      and not build them up.

⁶Blessed be the LORD,
      because he hath heard the voice of my supplications.
⁷The LORD is my strength and my shield;
      my heart trusted in him, and I am helped:
therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth;
      and with my song will I praise him.

⁸The LORD is their strength,
      and he is the saving strength of his anointed.
⁹Save thy people, and bless thine inheritance:
      feed them also, and lift them up for ever.

The Lord is my strength and my shield.  The Lord is not silent with me and he hears my cries for help.  In one week I will have 9 months have sobriety.  That 9 months has been full of temptation and urges and thoughts of acting out - but with the help of God I have remained abstinent and sober.  With the help of the Lord he keeps me from my pit of addiction.  (This use of a pit, is a visual that we have seen earlier in psalms, that I particularly like to describe pull and oppression of addiction.)

This 9 months has also come with a lot of healing and recovery.  Healing and recovery from wounds that I both ignored and didn't realize existed.  At only step 8 of the 12 step program I know I still have many wounds that I need to revisit and heal.  However, having seen the healing from where I began 9 months ago it easy for me to continue to trust in the Lord, and I rejoice in the healing that I have experienced thus far.  With this blog I praise him.

Like this Psalm, I will close with a prayer for others who suffer like I did.  That God, through the people in their lives, touch them like he touched me.  That He lift them up, our their pits of addiction.  That He feed them with the nourishment that makes them stronger and helps them heal and recover.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.