Psalm 88 (KJV):Lord, I have called daily upon thee

From Psalms

Psalm 88
(A Song.  A psalm of the Sons of Korah.  For the director of music.  According to mahalath leanoth.  A maskil of Heman the Ezrahite.)

¹O lord God of my salvation,
      I have cried day and night before thee:
²Let my prayer come before thee:
      incline thine ear unto my cry;

³For my soul is full of troubles:
      and my life draweth nigh unto the grave.
⁴I am counted with them that go down into the pit:
      I am as a man that hath no strength:
⁵Free among the dead,
      like the slain that lie in the grave,
whom thou rememberest no more:
      and they are cut off from thy hand.

⁶Thou hast laid me in the lowest pit,
      in darkness, in the deeps.
⁷Thy wrath lieth hard upon me,
      and thou hast afflicted me with all thy waves.
                                        Selah.

⁸Thou hast put away mine acquaintance far from me;
      thou hast made me an abomination unto them:
I am shut up, and I cannot come forth.
⁹Mine eye mourneth by reason of affliction:
LORD, I have called daily upon thee,
      I have stretched out my hands unto thee.
¹⁰Wilt thou shew wonders to the dead?
      shall the dead arise and praise thee?
                                        Selah.
¹¹Shall thy lovingkindness be declared in the grave?
      or thy faithfulness in destruction?
¹²Shall thy wonders be known in the dark?
      and thy righteousness in the land of forgetfulness?

¹³But unto thee have I cried, O LORD;
      and in the morning shall my prayer prevent thee.
¹⁴LORD, why castest thou off my soul?
      why hidest thou thy face from me?

¹⁵I am afflicted and ready to die from my youth up:
      while I suffer thy terrors I am distracted.
¹⁶Thy fierce wrath goeth over me;
      thy terrors have cut me off.
¹⁷They came round about me daily like water;
      they compassed me about together.
¹⁸Lover and friend hast thou put far from me,
      and mine acquaintance into darkness.

Lord, I have called upon you, and cried night and day to you.  You have answered - but sometimes you have let me sit and cry.  In those times that I have been left to sit and cry and wonder why you cast off my soul.  Why would you hide your face from me.  I realize now that you didn't answer because I wasn't truly ready to have you answer.

I know now that there is a difference between wanting, or needing, to change and being ready for change.  The difference is similar to how a farmer plows, harrows, fertilizes, and harrows his field before he plants.  All this I learned in step 6 - "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."  In an addict this is hard spiritual work.  God, I now realize you can't change me unless I am willing to change.  Unless I first admit my weaknesses and know how those weaknesses need to be transformed.

Lord, please help prepare my heart for the lessons you have for me today.  As I continue to work on my weaknesses of procrastination, fear, and selfishness.  As I ask for you to change those weaknesses into the strengths of focus, courage, and selflessness.  Please do that for the other addicts I share these pages with as well - turning their weaknesses into strengths.  Finally, be with the addicts that still suffer.  Through the people in their lives show them that there is another way, the path of your light, a path of love and hope.

Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.