Psalm 109:1-17 (KJV): But I give myself unto prayer

From Psalms

Psalm 109
(For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.)

¹Hold not thy peace,
      O God of my praise;
²For the mouth of the wicked and the mouth of the deceitful
      are opened against me:
      they have spoken against me with a lying tongue.
³They compassed me about also with words of hatred;
      and fought against me without a cause.
⁴For my love they are my adversaries:
      but I give myself unto prayer.
⁵And they have rewarded me evil for good,
      and hatred for my love.

⁶Set thou a wicked man over him:
      and let Satan stand at his right hand.
⁷When he shall be judged, let him be condemned:
      and let his prayer become sin.
⁸Let his days be few;
      and let another take his office.
⁹Let his children be fatherless,
      and his wife a widow.
¹⁰Let his children be continually vagabonds, and beg:
      let them seek their bread also out of their desolate places.
¹¹Let the extortioner catch all that he hath;
      and let the strangers spoil his labour.
¹²Let there be none to extend mercy unto him:
      neither let there be any to favour his fatherless children.
¹³Let his posterity be cut off;
      and in the generation following let their name be blotted out.
¹⁴Let the iniquity of his fathers be remembered with the LORD;
      and let not the sin of his mother be blotted out.
¹⁵Let them be before the LORD continually,
      that he may cut off the memory of them from the earth.

¹⁶Because that he remembered not to shew mercy,
      but persecuted the poor and needy man,
      that he might even slay the broken in heart.
¹⁷As he loved cursing,
      so let it come unto him:
as he delighted not in blessing,
      so let it be far from him.

But I give myself unto prayer, because I hold resentments.  As I read the first seventeen verses of Psalm 109 I am reminded of those resentments.  Because clearly the psalmist here has some resentments that need to be dealt with.  Like this psalmist it is not uncommon for addicts to also harbor resentments.  However, unlike the psalmist in psalm 109 I have learned not to pray for the subject of my resentment's downfall, rather inspect the source of my resentment.  This is a big part of the fourth step.

The process of the fourth step looked something like this for me.  From Jaywalker, I downloaded this fourth step template, paying close attention to pages 3 and 5 where I dived into my resentments.  Once I understood each in detail I could take my personal inventories.  In this process I learned what I truly feared.  I learned that many of my resentments had recurring themes of insecurity.  I learned most of all my role in these resentments...that I played a role in the way the people or groups behaved towards me.

So, in step 4 I learned to give myself unto prayer.  However, unlike in psalm 109 where the psalmist prays for the downfall of our resentments but for us to see the truth.  Please God help me see the truth.  Please God don't let my perspective blind me to the real situation.  That I should be able to see around my pride, which prevents me from seeing the full picture.  That I should truly understand the situations that baffle me that I can learn from them to create a better situations.  Situations without triggers for my addiction - and thus a life free of the chains that have kept me down.

Thanks for letting me share.