Psalm 30:11-12 (MSG) God, my God, I can't thank you enough

Psalm 30 (The Message)
A Psalm of David

^11-12You did it: you changed wild lament
    into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band
    and decked me with wildflowers.
I’m about to burst with song;
    I can’t keep quiet about you.
God, my God,
    I can’t thank you enough.

This verse is a fitting way to follow up from the transformation discussion of Psalm 29.  The psalmist here acknowledges the changes in his life.  What was once dark has been replaced with joy and beauty.  What was painful in the past, hurts no more.  No doubt this is similar to the joy and relief of several of the breakthroughs and milestones we experience during the recovery from addiction.

Some of these breakthroughs are small, and maybe noticeable only to the addict, while other are more significant and life changing.  Whether it's the presence of sobriety, which could only be measured in minutes or hours, is now measured in days and months.  Or the absence of a spaghetti mess of lies and cover-ups.  All of these breakthroughs in recovery are miracles regardless of magnitude.  For an addict that has tried so many times and failed.  Tried without the 12 steps, tried without an Addicts Anonymous group, and most of all tried without God, and failed.  For an addict that has tried on their own and failed so many times before these breakthroughs are miracles.  Yes, we are allowed to acknowledge these breakthroughs are miracles.  We are allowed to be grateful for these miracles.  I would even go so far as to say that we are encouraged to celebrate these miracles.

Dear Lord, you have brought so many miracles into my life.  Although I am still a work in progress, in many ways I am a different person than when I started this journey several years ago.  It is nothing short of a miracle.  My life is not devoid of pain, but You have equipped me to better handle burdens and suffering.  As a result I feel more joy and my relationships are more rich.    For all this I am beyond grateful, thank you.  The experience of transformation that you have brought into my life in the past has me excited by transformation that lies ahead.  Especially, as I begin this Lenten season of cleansing, sacrifice, and transformation.  With all this excitement I celebrate.  In this celebration though I also pray for the addicts that still suffer.  I pray that my celebration may bear witness to those addicts that still suffer to Thy power, Thy love & Thy way of life.  That I may be a beggar showing them where to get bread.  That my celebration would be a light to them that guides them and gives them hope for the recovery that awaits them.  All this I pray in Jesus' name - Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 29:9 (MSG): The pelting rain strips their branches

Psalm 29:9 (The Message)
A Psalm of David

⁹God's thunder sets the oak trees dancing
A wild dance whirling; the pelting rain strips their branches.
We fall to our knees - we call out, "Glory"!

Psalm 29, especially the Message translation, creates some powerful imagery about transformation.  A thunderstorm so powerful that the thunder shakes the mighty oaks, lightning smashes the solid cedars, and rain so heavy it actually rips the bark right off of the trees.  On initial inspection this might sound like a picture of ruin or possibly disaster.  Then we remember what transformation is...transformation is the act of sacrificing who I am today in order to become the person I am meant to be.

This psalm is, in many ways, a metaphor for the transformation we experience in recovery.  The painful process of pealing away of the facades that we created in our addiction.  The shaking of the very foundation of our beliefs and lives.  All this, as the last verse states, so God can make his people strong, and give his people peace.  The Angels cheer in the first verse, "Encore, Encore" not because they are mischievous, but because they know the beauty, and glory, that this transformation can bring.

Dear Lord, I am not perfect.  I am not even living close to my potential.  However, I have seen your transformative power in my recovery from addiction.  You have been able to help me remove the lies from my life and given me courage to do and say things I was not capable of before.  Still there is more work to be done and more transformation to work through.  I am ready for storms and tests of this transformation.  Please continue to bring the transformation to my life.  That I may leave the life of my addiction, all aspects of it, in the past...where it belongs.  That I may replace a life of addiction with a life serving as an instrument of your peace.  As I pray here I realize I am not alone in my struggle against addiction.  Opioid addiction is ravaging the lives of good people.  Be with the addicts that still suffer and the innocent people who love them.  Show them there that You have another plan for them.   A plan of transformation that will bring them out of their addiction stronger and better than before.  All this I pray in Your name - Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 28:6-7 (MSG) I'm shouting and singing my thanks to God

Psalm 28:6-7 (The Message)
A David Psalm

^6-7Blessed be God -
      he heard me praying.
He proved he's on my side;
      I've thrown my lot in with him.

Now I'm jumping for joy,
      and shouting and singing my thanks to him.

Yesterday, my wife and I were discussing a friend who was involved in a terrible accident.  In the moment, I was struck but what a gift every day is.  What a gift we have in every moment that we have with our loved ones.  Even though, in these moments we understand the magnitude of these gifts it is all too common that after some time we tend to take these gifts for granted.  The daily, instead of becoming a gift, becomes routine.

There is a way to turn the tide on this attitude of the routine, the accepted, and the mundane.  The first step is daily reminders of the gifts we are given.  This is in daily time with God, whether in prayer or meditation, or something similar.  Something, and some time, that should help us make that connection with our higher power.  The second step is in gratitude.  Taking no moment or experience for granted.  Making use of every minute.  Share emotions and thoughts to let people know you care.  And, it should go without saying, thank God.  Do it loudly.  Thank him Joyfully...Shouting...Singing - just like it says in Psalm 28 above.  Taking these steps will start to turn the tide on your attitude and in your life's path.  At least, that's what I've found.

Dear Lord, this is the day that you have made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.  Thank you for this day.  Please help me use it to be an instrument of your peace - that I would bring light where there is darkness.  All to often, I take these gifts, of yours, for granted.  I become distracted from what is truly important and don't use these gifts fully.  Today, I will make a more conscious effort to recognize the great opportunities that this day presents and show my gratitude by making the most of this day.  I will also show my gratitude with a joyful and positive attitude - showing that God has answered my prayers.  For I am sober and free of my addictions and that is reason enough to be joyful.  Of course, God, I pray that you be with those who struggle with addiction - guide them to a place where they may see that recovery, in your word, is possible.  I pray that you may answer their prayers the same you answered mine.  It is all these things I pray, in the name of your son and our savior, Jesus Christ, AMEN.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 26:2 (MSG): Examine Me God, From Head To Foot

Psalm 26:2 (The Message)
A David Psalm

²Examine me, GOD, From Head to Foot,
      order your battery of tests.
Make sure I'm fit
      inside and out

How cool would it be if we could get a "spiritual" - I'm thinking along the lines of an annual physical a family doctor would give.  Instead of checking your body, would check your heart, your soul.  Instead of checking say blood pressure, maybe there would be a check for generosity or sacrifice.  Instead of a check for cholesterol...maybe, a check for sinful thoughts?  Too crazy?  Hopefully, the prescription would me more prayer instead of more pills.

At least there'd finally be a way to measure how we're doing in Gods eyes.  We could get feedback to see where we're doing well or maybe where we need to make appropriate changes.  In the same way we make changes to diet after our annual physical shows high blood sugar or high cholesterol.  Maybe the feedback from God would be, "You've been too self-centered..," or "...you need more time in church..." or "...I expect you to be more generous with your gifts."  Or maybe...we know in our hearts and conscience what God would tell us if he were to "examine" us from head to foot.  But maybe it would be more critical if it came in the form an "spiritual" - we would take the change we need to make more seriously, and with higher priority.

Dear God, examine me from head to foot.  Today, I ask that You help me to see myself through Your eyes, from Your perspective.  Run a battery of tests on my soul and guide me to live the life You have planned for me.  That I may praise You - and give credit where I see Your hand in my life.  That I may follow, truly follow, in Your son Jesus' path.  That I may willingly sacrifice and be the light where there is darkness.  That I may show others there are ways out of addiction.  That although life me be complicated and, at times, overwhelming, that there are other tools to cope, other than drugs, alcohol, or sex.  That I may show that there is help if, and when, you are willing to ask.  All these things I ask in Your name, amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 25:4 (MSG): School me in your ways

Psalm 25
A David Psalm

⁴Show me how you work, GOD;
School me in your ways.

Psalm 25 has been an amazing prayer for me to meditate on.  When I first started drafting this entry there was a lot going on.  I was struggling at work, I felt overwhelmed, and I didn't know what to do. In fact at one point I said, unconsciously, "I'm dying here."  Despite my best effort many thing went...well, wrong....against me.  Over the time, just in a few short weeks, since I started meditating on this little line it has been amazing the teachers that God has put into my life to teach me of His ways.  It amazing, once I opened myself to His teachings, to see that my life is transforming once, again.

Part of the lesson has been how God responds to our prayer.  As corny as this sounds, I think Morgan Freeman said it best in Evan Almighty:
"If someone prays for patience do you think God gives them patience?  Or does He give them the opportunity to be patient?  If someone prayed for courage does God give them courage?  Or does He give him opportunities to be courageous?"  In the same way, when we pray to be schooled and taught in His ways he give us challenging situations in which to learn from.  Whether that's a challenging co-worker, or an addiction, or a conflict with somebody we love dearly.

Let's pray.  Dear God - show us how you work.  The world, which You have laid out for us is often complicated and overwhelming.  The plan that You have for us in that world is often less clear.  So, we plead, school us in Your ways and Your plans.  Give us just a glimmer of clarity and shed some light on Your ways.  Open our hearts and our minds to those people in our lives who You call to guide us and teach us.  Especially those of us who are struggling with addiction.  Give us a sign of Your love and that you are with us.  Teach us how to overcome the evil of addiction that has too much power over our lives and thoughts.  In our battle over addiction, give us patience (to accept the things we cannot change), courage (to change the things we can) and wisdom (to know the difference).  Finally, give us opportunities that we may teach others in Your ways.  That we may be a guide in this confusing and overwhelming world that we live.  All of these things I pray in Your sons name, Jesus Christ - AMEN.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 24:1-2(MSG) God claims world and all who live on it

Psalm 24
A David Psalm

^1-2God claims Earth and everything in it,
     God claims World and all who live on it.
He built it on Ocean foundations,
     laid it out on River girders.

The first two verses of Psalm 24 remind me that this is the day that the Lord has made.  This day, this world, this earth - god has made and given to us.  We have a choice, every day, whether we take it for granted  or to actually fulfill something greater.  Today, I am going to make a conscious decision to let God use me, where I am, to spread his message of hope and peace.  As I learned in the 3rd step prayer (see below), I desire to fulfill his claim on my life and world.

Before I go into prayer today I would like to discuss the martial arts concept of Kata, which I was reminded of last week.  One aspect of Kata practice is that it is done in a repetitive manner so that the movements and techniques are internalized with the goal that they be executed and adapted under different circumstances, without hesitation or thought.  This the way a martial arts master's moves appear simple and smooth.  As addicts, I believe we can apply the repetitive practice concepts of Kata to prayers, repeating them daily, until we can use them to master any situation we face.  Many of you may recognize the third step prayer verses in my prayer today - and part of my Kata.

God I offer myself to Thee -
To build with me
and do with me what as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do thy will.
Take away my difficulties,
that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of Thy Power,
Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.
May I do Thy will always...
Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy Love,
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee,
Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee,
Take my intellect and use every power as Thou choose,
Take my will, and make it Thine; It shall no longer be mine...
All these things I pray in Jesus' name, Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 22:6-8 (MSG) Here I am...something to step on

Psalm 22:6-8 (The Message)
A David Psalm

^6-8And here I am, a nothing—an earthworm,
      something to step on, to squash.
Everyone pokes fun at me;
     they make faces at me, they shake their heads:
“Let’s see how God handles this one;
     since God likes him so much, let him help him!”

Let's face it we all have bad days.  Days where things go wrong.  I had one of those yesterday.  It feels like the worst day in at least a year.  Possibly more than 5.  Sometimes it happens because of things we can control - like when we forget something important.  Other times we have no control over it at all, like when somebody we love dies.  The times when we have control it seem worse, we feel so stupid, so little, like an earthworm.  It makes you want to shrink up into a hole and hide-away.  Or worse, it makes you want to bury it in addiction to cover it up.

As David writes here, "Let's see how God handles this one."  Do we let God handle this one?  Do we really have the faith that these bad days are part of his plan.  That these bad days are making us stronger?  That these bad days are preparing us for something bigger?  These days obviously test our faith.  We need to take a deep breath and turn it over to God and let him handle them.  Especially on those days where we have made a mess of things.  I find it's easy to turn things over that were out of my control...however, messes I created or could have prevented are much harder.  I tend to dwell on them and beat myself up, well beyond anything that makes sense.  I dwell on the situation beyond the the point of making things right, again.  So, today I will trust in his plan and will not bury the situation in my addiction.

Dear God, give me perspective I need to understand we are living under your plan.  Thank you for your people, who surround me and give me this perspective.  Continue to have them surround me that I may have this perspective to be free of my addictions.  Give me strength and faith on days where I struggle.  Strength and perseverance to get through the trial, without falling back on my addiction, and faith that I will know that you are preparing me for something bigger.  For I know that you do not call those who are prepared, rather that you prepare those who are called.  And these trials are preparing me for to be in service to you and your people.  For that I am ready to be prepared.  Lastly, I want to pray for the addicts that still suffer.  Give them this same perspective, strength and faith, which I pray for, that they may come to you and live free from their addiction before they are overcome by their addiction.  All this I pray in your name.  Amen.

Psalm 21:13 (MSG) Show your strength, God, so no one can miss it

Psalm 21:13 (The Message)
A David Psalm

¹³Show your strength, GOD, so no one can miss it.
      We are out singing the good news!

God is great.  God was the only thing powerful enough to stop me from my addictions.  To me, Psalm 21 is about His greatness.  The great life he planned, and gave, to David.  Now I'm not the kind of person who compares his himself to great people - in fact, I kind of hate it when people consider themselves to be great like that.  However, as I read psalm 21, I feel like God has piled blessings on me, in the same way he piled blessings on David.

At one point in my life, I was so close to losing everything.  Now I have more than I could have dreamed. I wanted a good life and God gave it to me.  He's filled my arms with gifts, and delivered me from my addiction.  So, it should be no surprise that I would want to share this kind of power with the world.  That it would be my hope that this power, which can liberate all people from evil, reign over the world.  This shall be my song today.

Dear Lord, be with us today, as we sing your good news.  As we bear witness to your power over evil.  As we bear witness to your glory and your way of life.  There are so many people who suffer from the prison of addiction, Lord.  Relieve of us of our bondage of self that we may help those addicts who still suffer.  In helping the addicts that suffer, help us play our role in liberating them from evil.  Let us help in a way that those addicts who still suffer can experience arms filled with gifts and a good life.  All this we pray in your name, Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 20:6 (MSG) An answer's on the way

Psalm 20:6 (The Message)
A David Psalm

⁶That clinches it - help's coming
      an answer's on the way,
      everything's going to work out.

There are days, and some situations, when faith and hope are hard to come by.  On those days it is hard to believe that everything that everything is going to work out.  We all have those days.  and they test our faith.  Recently, I have been able to listen to sermon radio.  One pastor, in particular (I won't name him) says that faith is about expecting positive things in your life.  Expecting that everything will work out.  He believes that if you have this expectation it will happen.  If you don't, he continues, you bring about a negativity that allows things to go wrong.  So, in that way, faith is about maintaining high expectations in the face of bad days and disappointment.

Let's be clear, I don't believe that you can will things to happen just by having a positive attitude.  Some things are just not part of God's will - as much as we'd like to believe they are.  So, our will or expectation will not have much influence in those areas.  However, I do believe the things we think impact the paths some things take.  For example, if we think people are generally good, then we will find the good in people.  If you give people a chance most people will rise to the occasion.  If you have faith that all problems can be solved, and you are patient, as well as persistent, problems will be solved.  On the flip side of that, I also believe, like Dale Carnegie, that worrying doesn't help anything, and the perfect way to conquer worry is to pray.  If you can pray, well, like Psalm 20, verse 6, says, "An answer's on the way."

Dear Lord, we know there are always days that seem like nothing can go right.  Like the world is ending.  Like there are no answers.  Show us that, in fact, help is coming.  Help us to conquer our worrying.  Show us that an answer's on the way - even if it's not the easy answer we were hoping for.  Remind us that our addiction is not the answer and won't make our problems go away.  Every now and then we all need this kind of hope.  Teach us that your plan is that everything works for good.  Then when tables are turned and we have the opportunity to share your light to someone who needs help or an answer - let us be that light.  Let us be that person who provides Your love, who provides Your answer, who helps everything work out.  In the name of Jesus, and our savior, Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 19:11-13 (MSG) Keep me from my stupid sins

Psalm 19:1-2
A David Psalm

^11-13There’s more: God’s Word warns us of danger
      and directs us to hidden treasure.
Otherwise how will we find our way?
      Or know when we play the fool?
Clean the slate, God, so we can start the day fresh!
      Keep me from stupid sins,
      from thinking I can take over your work;
Then I can start this day sun-washed,
      scrubbed clean of the grime of sin.

I have a confession to make.  I can hold a grudge.  Sometimes, it is very difficult for me to forgive.  In those situations where I find it hard to forgive I also forget to reach out to God for help.  This all came to light for me this week when I was finally able to forgive somebody at work, let's call him Andy.  For the past several months Andy had been lying, saying nasty things about my work, and saying different things in different situations.  To me he'd say one thing and to a peer he'd say the opposite.  It became very difficult to trust Andy and to be completely honest, when I thought about the things he did, I called him the devil.  One of my co-workers, who is a much better person than I, confronted Andy about his actions to understand his motivation.  He began to understand a little better what was at play.  For me though, I avoided Andy, ignored him, and talked with others behind his back.  It wasn't until this week, when I found out that Andy had decided to leave the company, that I was able to forgive him.  It was such a relief - but I believe it is something I should have been able to do earlier, had I been able to ask God for help.

Lord, I am very capable of stupid sins.  The bible is full of warnings, yet I forget and ignore those warnings.  You guide us to the true treasures in life.  Instead, in my stupidity I chase the treasures of men, and find myself focused on filling my retirement investment fund.  Thankfully, at least once a week, you help me see the err of my ways.  You give me many chances, to learn and change the way I act and improve the decisions that I make.  For this I am grateful - and I praise you.  Continue, God, to keep me from my stupid, selfish, sins.  Help me make amends for the sins that I have committed in the past.  Help me wipe the slate clean so that I can start this day, and every day, as a fresh start - with my record scrubbed clean of the grime of sin. AMEN.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 18:1-2 (MSG) I love you God - You make me strong

Psalm 18:1-2 (The Message)
A David Song - after he was saved from his enemies and Saul.

^1-2I love you, GOD -
    you make me strong.
GOD is bedrock under my feet,
    the castle in which I live,
    my rescuing knight.
My God - the high crag
    where I run for dear life,
    hiding behind the boulders,
    safe in the granite hideout.

This week has been a good week.  One where I feel organized and "productive."  I feel strong.  This by itself is not extraordinary, what makes it unique is the hard drive on my laptop died.  In the past, this would have killed me (figuratively of course).  I would have fallen apart and blamed everything wrong in my life on the hard drive failing.  No doubt, it would have triggered me into my addiction.  Now some of the data was backed-up - and I am most happy about the pictures of my family that I retrieved from the back-up.  However, there is a good year or so of work that was lost when the drive failed.

However, with God I am stronger.  I know in the grand scheme of His plans, the data that was lost was not really significant.  I also know that there was nothing lost that can't be found elsewhere if it's truly critical.  With these thoughts I am able to let go of my worries and concerns of the lost data.  That is just part of the way I am stronger today than 5 years ago, when I started this journey.

God, thank you for making us stronger.  Thank you for blessing us as the castle's in which we live.  Thank you for being a granite hideout for us to run to.  You bring us not only strength but hope.  For all this, we love You.  Help me reflect that and let me bring the same hope and strength to others, that you have brought to me.  Especially to the addicts that still suffer and are in desperate need of hope and strength - help me be a light and a source of strength for them. All these things we pray, and praise, in your name, Hallelujah, and Amen.

Psalm 17:8-9 (MSG) Keep your eye on me

Psalm 17:8-9 (The Message)
A David Prayer

^8-9Keep your eye on me;
      hide me under your cool wing feathers
From the wicked who are out to get me,
      from mortal enemies closing in.

It's funny, as I continue on my way through psalms I am really drawn to verses like these.  I wrote this draft weeks, ago, and without really thinking about it, but this post is very similar to my last one in that it's about God's protection.  It's very coincidental but I guess that's what I'm looking for the most.  I've never really felt about how much fear plays a role in my life - but if I'm constantly drawn to God's protection fear must be pretty important.

When I think about it, fear and insecurity leads to so many bad things.  How many things do we do because we're afraid or insecure.  When I'm afraid of losing my "stuff" I put walls and locks.  Or worse I take proactive steps and I start attacking people who I perceive are a threat.  I start to analyze people to determine if they're a threat or not.  This leads to a vicious cycle where my distrust leads to another person's distrust of me - and in a worst case, we end up competing to be the first destroy the other.  What ends up happening is that our fear and insecurity ends up leading us to very situation we fear in the first place.

God, we often find ourselves in situations where we are unsure.  We are afraid.  It might be a situation where we are confronted with new ideas.  Initially, these ideas may seem to threaten our very beliefs and values.  In the face of these new ideas, help us be secure and have faith in You and Your word.  In these situations, help us seek to understand, not to be understood, that we might be an instrument of thy peace.  For we understand that is only a strong faith can we seek to sow love where there is hate...instead of perpetuating more hate.  There are many addicts, who still suffer, who are afraid and insecure.  They have put up walls around them and usually suffer in isolation.  Help them find security in you that they may bring down those walls.  Guide them to a faith that allows them to stop hiding behind their addiction.  To a faith that gives them a new life in Your word and Your way of life.  A new life, of Your path, where in forgiving, we are forgiven.  All this we pray in Your sons name, and our savior, Jesus - Amen.

Thanks so much for letting me share.

Psalm 15:5 (MSG) Keep your word even when it costs you

Psalm 15:5  (The Message)
A David Psalm

5"Keep your word even when it costs you,
make an honest living
      never take a bribe.

"You'll never get
blacklisted
if you live like this."

This Psalm lists several important do's and don'ts - but of this list, I specifically chose the set of do's out of the list for a couple of reasons.  The first is that it is impossible to live by don'ts.  The only way to be successful at don't is to focus on do's.  The second reason is that lying becomes a significant part of the problem(s) in the life of an addict that suffers.

At first, a lie seems easy.  "It won't hurt anybody," we think.  It's just a white lie - or sometimes it's just an omission.  "What they don't know won't hurt them," we tell ourselves.  The lies certainly seem easier than the alternative of getting caught doing something wrong.  Eventually though all the lies, cover ups and hiding grows until it becomes impossible to keep consistent.  It's quite literally a hell that becomes unbearable.  Then we start our recovery and we see all those lies aren't necessary.  We don't have to be perfect.  We don't have to worry about how people perceive us along as we're authentic to ourselves.  There it is it, eventually it becomes obvious that the person who suffered the most of all at the hands of our lies were ourselves.  So once we could shed the lies we could become the person God intended us to be.

Dear Lord, I am grateful.  Grateful for your truth.  Grateful for the plan you have for me.  Most of all I am grateful that you keep your word.  Be with those who are still suffering from an addiction.  The ones who are buried in their own lies.  Show them there is a better way.  A way, in your word, where the lies are not necessary.  A way, where it will be easier for them to keep their word.  A way, where they can be happier and have greater peace.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 14:4 (MSG) Treating people like a fast food meal

Psalm 14:4 (The Message)
A David Psalm

⁴Don't they know anything,
      all of these impostors?
Don't they know
      they can't get away with this -
Treating people like a fast food meal
      over which they are too busy to pray?

I struggled with this psalm today.  After going through several of the verses I finally decided on verse 4 as having the most meaning to my recovery.  In particular, for line about eating up "people like a fast food meal."  Our society teaches us we can treat people like objects or statistics.  People have become target markets, eyes on a website, and demographics of liberals and conservatives part of red and blue states.  So, it should not come as a surprise when we feel like we are objectified.  This, to me, is one of the saddest things of what our society has come to.

We've lost the stories of the people.  Everyone of us has a story, which is comprised of many many smaller stories.  These stories are God's plan for us and every one of them is unique and important.  Some are tales of adventure while others are stories of persistence and perseverance.  Yet, we disregard those of others while we try to make our own seem more important.  We have to stop this, stop treating people like fast food meals.  We need to listen to other people's stories and treat them with the dignity they deserve, as another one of God's children.  For it will require that we start doing this, ourselves, can we expect that others will do it as well.  Only then will we start to see a difference in the way society views people - not as statistics but as individual children of God.

Dear Lord, be with us today as we do more to value our brothers and sisters.  Help us to make time and put away our distractions so we can focus on their stories.  For we know that hearing these stories will bring understanding.  Understanding then creates bonds of respect and friendship.  This respect and these friendships are part of your light - and through your light we will have peace.  This message of peace, after all, is the message Jesus that we celebrate every year at Christmas.  Help us spread and celebrate this message of peace, by sharing stories, especially now in this time of lent.  Through this let us, at the same time, experience your peace and bring your peace to others.  For you have taught us that it is only in giving that we shall receive.  All this we pray in your name.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 12:6-8 (MSG) God, keep us safe from their lies

Psalm 12:6-8 (The Message)
A David Psalm

^6-8God's words are pure words,

Pure silver words refined seven times
In the fires of his word-kiln,
Pure on earth as well as is in heaven.
GOD, keep us safe from their lies,
From the wicked who stalk us with lies,
From the wicked who collect honors
For their wonderful lies.

We are bombarded with images about what our lives should look like.  Bombarded with advertisements about all of the things we should have.  Bombarded with images about what success should look like.  An example of these images, is how alcohol ads show drinking beer is an essential thing that you must do with friends - implying that drinking alcohol is the way to guarantee a good time.  We all know the implied and promised messages in ads aren't true.  We all know that none of those things bring true happiness.  We all know it's all lies.

Yet, somehow we get sucked in to hype.  Eventually, progressively chasing these things turns into a habit, then into something that's mandatory, and finally we lose control.  Whether it's from gambling, drinking, sex addiction, or shopping addiction.  The stories are all the very similar.  Somehow, the ads never show the problems that come from addiction - just the bliss.  The ads and images never show the bankruptcies, the lost relationships, or the broken careers.

That's why it's so important to follow and believe in the words of God.  They are pure.  God's promises are not about worldly wealth or success.  His idea of an abundant life is where we thrive with blessing that can't be measured, in love, in happiness.  His word and His promises see through the lies of the companies and people, who benefit from our addictions and our downfall.  The companies care only about their own success and profitability.  They don't care about addiction or the ruin that addiction creates.  They stalk us looking for ways to keep us "loyal" - adding more alcohol, sugar, or caffeine making their products more addictive.  But God, and his word, is pure.  We will be safe if we follow His word.

Dear God, thank you for your word.  Continue to keep us safe from the wicked who bombard and stalk us with lies.  Help us see through the lies, and that happiness does not come from having or consuming a particular product.  Help us, rather, see that happiness comes from living in your word.  Continue to remind us that it is in giving that will shall receive.  Let us not forget that it is in our forgiveness that we will be forgiven, and that it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life.  All this we pray in your name, Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 109:1-17 (KJV): But I give myself unto prayer

From Psalms

Psalm 109
(For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.)

¹Hold not thy peace,
      O God of my praise;
²For the mouth of the wicked and the mouth of the deceitful
      are opened against me:
      they have spoken against me with a lying tongue.
³They compassed me about also with words of hatred;
      and fought against me without a cause.
⁴For my love they are my adversaries:
      but I give myself unto prayer.
⁵And they have rewarded me evil for good,
      and hatred for my love.

⁶Set thou a wicked man over him:
      and let Satan stand at his right hand.
⁷When he shall be judged, let him be condemned:
      and let his prayer become sin.
⁸Let his days be few;
      and let another take his office.
⁹Let his children be fatherless,
      and his wife a widow.
¹⁰Let his children be continually vagabonds, and beg:
      let them seek their bread also out of their desolate places.
¹¹Let the extortioner catch all that he hath;
      and let the strangers spoil his labour.
¹²Let there be none to extend mercy unto him:
      neither let there be any to favour his fatherless children.
¹³Let his posterity be cut off;
      and in the generation following let their name be blotted out.
¹⁴Let the iniquity of his fathers be remembered with the LORD;
      and let not the sin of his mother be blotted out.
¹⁵Let them be before the LORD continually,
      that he may cut off the memory of them from the earth.

¹⁶Because that he remembered not to shew mercy,
      but persecuted the poor and needy man,
      that he might even slay the broken in heart.
¹⁷As he loved cursing,
      so let it come unto him:
as he delighted not in blessing,
      so let it be far from him.

But I give myself unto prayer, because I hold resentments.  As I read the first seventeen verses of Psalm 109 I am reminded of those resentments.  Because clearly the psalmist here has some resentments that need to be dealt with.  Like this psalmist it is not uncommon for addicts to also harbor resentments.  However, unlike the psalmist in psalm 109 I have learned not to pray for the subject of my resentment's downfall, rather inspect the source of my resentment.  This is a big part of the fourth step.

The process of the fourth step looked something like this for me.  From Jaywalker, I downloaded this fourth step template, paying close attention to pages 3 and 5 where I dived into my resentments.  Once I understood each in detail I could take my personal inventories.  In this process I learned what I truly feared.  I learned that many of my resentments had recurring themes of insecurity.  I learned most of all my role in these resentments...that I played a role in the way the people or groups behaved towards me.

So, in step 4 I learned to give myself unto prayer.  However, unlike in psalm 109 where the psalmist prays for the downfall of our resentments but for us to see the truth.  Please God help me see the truth.  Please God don't let my perspective blind me to the real situation.  That I should be able to see around my pride, which prevents me from seeing the full picture.  That I should truly understand the situations that baffle me that I can learn from them to create a better situations.  Situations without triggers for my addiction - and thus a life free of the chains that have kept me down.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 14 (NIV) - The LORD looks to down...to see if there are any...who seek God

From Psalms

Psalm 14 (New International Version, ©2011)
(For the director of music. Of David.)

¹The fool says in his heart,
     “There is no God.”
They are corrupt, their deeds are vile;
     there is no one who does good.

²The LORD looks down from heaven
     on all mankind
to see if there are any who understand,
     any who seek God.
³All have turned away, all have become corrupt;
     there is no one who does good,
     not even one.

⁴Do all these evildoers know nothing?

     They devour my people as though eating bread;
     they never call on the LORD.
⁵But there they are, overwhelmed with dread,
     for God is present in the company of the righteous.
⁶You evildoers frustrate the plans of the poor,
     but the LORD is their refuge.

⁷Oh, that salvation for Israel would come out of Zion!
     When the LORD restores his people,
     let Jacob rejoice and Israel be glad!

Rarely was I successful in my recovery for more than two weeks before I would relapse, again.  I bring this up because Psalm 14 marked the two week period of my sobriety.  I believe my previous attempts at sobriety failed because I didn't have anything positive to focus on.  During these failed attempts I was focusing on not acting out, not watching porn, not relapsing - Since I was focusing on the negative behavior I was doomed to fail.  Psalms, and praying psalms to God, were the positive outlet that I needed to be successful.  Eventually, I would start to see God working in my life as a result of my prayers.

My behavior didn't change overnight, though.  I slowly began become more aware of my triggers - that lead to my acting out.  A few things, like stress at work, lack of sleep, would lead me into my home office where I would previously log in to my lap to initiate the process of acting out.  Previously, I would use my laptop to find some new exploit, looking for strip clubs, massage parlors, or free internet porn sites.  However, with the project of re-writing psalms, instead of opening my laptop, I would open my NIV Bible.

In these moments of clarity I began to see how things, common in other addicts, like H.A.L.T. (Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, Tired) could trigger my previous behaviors which would lead me deeper into my hole of addiction.  Psalms made sure I would not allow these things to lead to my hole of addiction.  From there, not only could I stop these things from leading me astray, as time went on, I began to be able to prevent those triggers in the first place.  Praise the Lord, indeed.  That is part of the true path of recovery.  Obviously this led to even bigger and better things - like being able to rely more on God and understanding that my addiction was simply a symptom of larger problems in my life.  Nevertheless, initially, simply being able to avoid the behavior which had previously consumed my life seemed like huge progress.  Something I know I could not have done without God's healing hand - something that seemed only possible with Psalms.

Thanks for letting me share.

Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over addiction...pt I

Anyone who has stepped into a meeting knows the power of their addiction and the struggle to fight it. It seems that its only in the most dire circumstances that we admit there's nothing we can do:
- losing a job
- losing a marriage
- getting charged with a crime

There's a little more to step one though. Step one is about putting our addiction on the table, and putting it into the light. It's the first step towards honesty - and the first step towards healing and recovery.

Over the next three days I will list a some exercises and questions that will help with that honesty.  Now these exercises are focused on Sex Addiction because my addiction to the natural endorphines released at orgasm are the substance that I had the most trouble with. Nearly all the books on my books page will also have similar exercises - which will help in being honest with how bad things had gotten.

So, let's start with powerlessness.  This is the urge to act out which takes the seemingly illogical precedence over family, work, safety and health concerns.  The inability to control the type, time, place or circumstances of our sexual behavior.  Promises, to ourselves and to others are broken - all best intentions are thwarted.  To gain a better understanding of how powerless you have become to your sexual behavior here are some behaviors I would like you to cite examples (at least 2 per topic) of: (Find a piece of paper where you can write this down)

Pre-occupation: Thinking about, looking forward to, planning, fantasizing about, setting up, or hiding sexual behavior:  (also determine how much time you spend every week just with preoccupation)

Attempts to Control: Switching Sexual Partners or Behaviors, internet filters, previous treatments, journal, self-imposed celibacy or abstinence, geographic moves.

Destructive Behavior:  Physical injury or risk of physical injury to self or others, diseases or infections, abusive behaviors to others, destroyed relationships, money spent on sex when it was needed for rent or food.

Progression of disease: Masturbation to porn to strip clubs to webcams; or cruising to paid sex to public anonymous sex.

This is the first exercise of step 1.  We will start to drill into each of these areas and explore more as we expose how bad our disease had really gotten over the next few days.  This honesty, in no way, will be easy.  However, it is necessary for recovery.

Thanks for letting me share.

Why Psalms?

As my first post – I wanted to give you an idea of why I chose this path through psalms to help with my recovery.  Let me begin by saying I had started down the path of the 12 steps before and failed.  So, I generally knew that I need the help of God, or at the time, a higher power.  I also knew that I would have to become better at praying in order for God to help.  I also knew from my previous attempts that I would not be successful if I focused on “not doing the negative” – I would have to have a new, and positive activity, to focus on.  So instead of saying “don’t act out”, “don’t drink”, I would say -  time to pray, time to re-write psalms.

At one point in the past few years a pastor at our church mentioned reading one psalm every day is an excellent way to learn how to pray.  I kind of saw it as a training course in prayer, similar to training for a marathon or triathlon.  Only now, in hindsight, do I see how true this is.

I also knew from previous successes in battling addiction that I would need something that lasted at least 90 days.  Somehow 90 days in significant for the mind to make a significant change like this.  After seeing that there are 150 psalms I knew that this would fit the bill.

Finally, I needed some negative reinforcement to help keep me on track.  For that, I decided that in any point over the next 150 days if I acted out on either of my sex addiction or alcoholism I would need to start over at Psalm 1.  That was a big factor in my success of the first 30-60 days.
Once I started with Psalms then I started to see God work in my life.  Help started to appear and I began to see real progress in my life with many aspects  – not just my addiction…well I invite you to watch and see.