Psalm 19 (KJV) - The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart

From Psalms

Psalm 19

¹The heavens declare the glory of God;
      and the firmament sheweth his handywork.
²Day unto day uttereth speech,
      and night unto night sheweth knowledge.
³There is no speech nor language,
      where their voice is not heard.
⁴Their line is gone out through all the earth,
      and their words to the end of the world.
In them hath he set a tabernacle for the sun,
⁵      which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
      and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race.
⁶His going forth is from the end of the heaven,
      and his circuit unto the ends of it:
      and there is nothing hid from the heat thereof.

⁷The law of the LORD is perfect,
      converting the soul:
the testimony of the LORD is sure,
      making wise the simple.
⁸The statutes of the LORD are right,
      rejoicing the heart:
the commandment of the LORD is pure,
      enlightening the eyes.
⁹The fear of the LORD is clean,
      enduring for ever:
the judgments of the LORD are true
      and righteous altogether.
¹⁰More to be desired are they than gold,
      yea, than much fine gold:
sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
¹¹Moreover by them is thy servant warned:
      and in keeping of them there is great reward.

¹²Who can understand his errors?
      cleanse thou me from secret faults.
¹³Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins;
      let them not have dominion over me:
then shall I be upright,
      and I shall be innocent from the great transgression.

¹⁴Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart,
      be acceptable in thy sight,
      O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

Psalm 19...where do I start.  Today, Psalm 19 seems so perfect.  It is days like this that helps our trust in the Lord.  Days like today are the days we remember on the bad days to keep us faithful.  The days we remember on the days when we ask how long?  (see Psalm 13).  Indeed, it's these days we can see his laws convert our souls, rejoice our hearts, and enlighten our eyes.  On day's like today, when I can see the impact of my service, his judgments are worth more than gold.

Not only that, Psalm 19 is perfect as I wrap up step 7.  "Cleanse thou me of secret faults."  Those defects of character - especially those that I keep out of the light of day, or rather used to keep out of the light of day.  Let me be open about them (where it is safe to do so).  Let them not rule my life.  That I shall be upright and reflect Your love in the world.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 18 (KJV) - Part 3: Thou hast subdued that which rises up against me

From Psalms

Psalm 18:36-50
³⁶Thou hast enlarged my steps under me,
      that my feet did not slip.

³⁷I have pursued mine enemies, and overtaken them:
      neither did I turn again till they were consumed.
³⁸I have wounded them that they were not able to rise:
      they are fallen under my feet.
³⁹For thou hast girded me with strength unto the battle:
      thou hast subdued under me those that rose up against me.
⁴⁰Thou hast also given me the necks of mine enemies;
      that I might destroy them that hate me.
⁴¹They cried, but there was none to save them:
      even unto the LORD, but he answered them not.
⁴²Then did I beat them small as the dust before the wind:
      I did cast them out as the dirt in the streets.

⁴³Thou hast delivered me from the strivings of the people;
      and thou hast made me the head of the heathen:
      a people whom I have not known shall serve me.
⁴⁴As soon as they hear of me, they shall obey me:
      the strangers shall submit themselves unto me.
⁴⁵The strangers shall fade away,
      and be afraid out of their close places.

⁴⁶The LORD liveth; and blessed be my rock;
      and let the God of my salvation be exalted.

⁴⁷It is God that avengeth me,
      and subdueth the people under me.
⁴⁸He delivereth me from mine enemies:
yea, thou liftest me up above those that rise up against me:
      thou hast delivered me from the violent man.
⁴⁹Therefore will I give thanks unto thee, O LORD,
      among the heathen, and sing praises unto thy name.
⁵⁰Great deliverance giveth he to his king;
      and sheweth mercy to his anointed,
      to David, and to his seed for evermore.

Hmmm...this last section of Psalm 18 is largely about fighting, war, battle, destruction...not the kind of things I look to my God for.  A God of love, mercy, and grace.  Even from proverbial sense, to make my enemy (or enemies) which I conquer my addiction I can't even say that I beat into dust.  Nor can I say I have been my addiction's neck.  My addiction, it seems is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

However, I suppose, on a daily level I am victorious over my addiction, thanks to my God.  This is a battle I fight on a daily basis.  The temptations and urges have not left, and from what I hear at meetings, will never leave.  Like a spark that can re-ignite a fire my addictions sits and smolders.  God willing I will be able to keep it from flaring up.  In that sense God has subdued my addiction, which rises up against me.

I just get better at understanding the addiction and knowing how to manage and avoid the temptations.  Truly it is only with my God's support that I am able to recover.  As it says here in verse 46 He is my rock.  For that reason I exalt the God of my salvation - Hallelujah, Praise the Lord.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 18 (KJV) - Part 2: Thou wilt save the afflicted people

From Psalms

Psalm 18 (cont.)

¹⁷He delivered me from my strong enemy,
      and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.
¹⁸They prevented me in the day of my calamity:
      but the LORD was my stay.
¹⁹He brought me forth also into a large place;
      he delivered me, because he delighted in me.

²⁰The LORD rewarded me according to my righteousness;
      according to the cleanness of my hands hath he recompensed me.
²¹For I have kept the ways of the LORD,
      and have not wickedly departed from my God.
²²For all his judgments were before me,
      and I did not put away his statutes from me.
²³I was also upright before him,
      and I kept myself from mine iniquity.
²⁴Therefore hath the LORD recompensed me according to my righteousness,
      according to the cleanness of my hands in his eyesight.

²⁵With the merciful thou wilt shew thyself merciful;
      with an upright man thou wilt shew thyself upright;
²⁶With the pure thou wilt shew thyself pure;
      and with the froward thou wilt shew thyself froward.
²⁷For thou wilt save the afflicted people;
      but wilt bring down high looks.
²⁸For thou wilt light my candle:
      the LORD my God will enlighten my darkness.
²⁹For by thee I have run through a troop;
      and by my God have I leaped over a wall.

³⁰As for God, his way is perfect:
      the word of the LORD is tried:
he is a buckler
      to all those that trust in him.
³¹For who is God save the LORD?
      or who is a rock save our God?
³²It is God that girdeth me with strength,
      and maketh my way perfect.
³³He maketh my feet like hinds' feet,
      and setteth me upon my high places.
³⁴He teacheth my hands to war,
      so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms.
³⁵Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation:
      and thy right hand hath holden me up,
      and thy gentleness hath made me great.

Yayyy - I rejoice in the Lord. I went to a meeting last night where I shared my 7th step prayer, which I posted here in Psalm 9 and a similar prayer in Psalm 15. After the meeting a guy came up to me and thanked me in a very heartfelt way. It felt so good to impact somebody like that - so, this psalm rings very true to me right now.

God is merciful, he has saved this afflicted soul. When my life was unmanageable (froward) God was distant (froward). However, in the last 8 months of my sobriety, God has given me strength and makes my way perfect. Perfect may be a stretch, but as it is said in the meeting, spiritual progress not spiritual perfection, and he certainly gives me progress.  God certainly puts me upon high places.  God makes me fast and fleet, and God enlightens my darkness.

However, despite what this Psalm says, God did not reward me according to my righteousness. He rewarded me according to his grace and mercy.  I am blessed that Jesus died for my sins, that God would save the life of wretched addict like me. Whatever the case, his grace or my righteousness, my cup runneth over and tonight I am very grateful for all the gifts he has given me and I rejoice in the Lord.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 18 (KJV) - Part 1: In my distress I called upon the Lord

From Psalms

Psalm 18
(For the director of music. Of David the servant of the LORD. He sang to the LORD the words of this song when the LORD delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul. He said:)

¹I will love thee, O LORD, my strength.

²The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer;
      my God, my strength, in whom I will trust;
      my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
³I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised:
      so shall I be saved from mine enemies.

⁴The sorrows of death compassed me,
      and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.
⁵The sorrows of hell compassed me about:
      the snares of death prevented me.
⁶In my distress I called upon the LORD,
      and cried unto my God:
he heard my voice out of his temple,
      and my cry came before him, even into his ears.

⁷Then the earth shook and trembled;
      the foundations also of the hills moved
      and were shaken, because he was wroth.
⁸There went up a smoke out of his nostrils,
      and fire out of his mouth devoured:
      coals were kindled by it.
⁹He bowed the heavens also, and came down:
      and darkness was under his feet.
¹⁰And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly:
      yea, he did fly upon the wings of the wind.
¹¹He made darkness his secret place;
      his pavilion round about him were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies.
¹²At the brightness that was before him his thick clouds passed,
      hail stones and coals of fire.
¹³The LORD also thundered in the heavens,
      and the Highest gave his voice; hail stones and coals of fire.
¹⁴Yea, he sent out his arrows, and scattered them;
      and he shot out lightnings, and discomfited them.
¹⁵Then the channels of waters were seen,
      and the foundations of the world were discovered
at thy rebuke, O LORD,
      at the blast of the breath of thy nostrils.

¹⁶He sent from above, he took me,
      he drew me out of many waters.

The first time I posted Psalm 18 I tried to post more than one of my hand written page. Only now do I see how heavy that was, and that it was too much for one posting. I have learned my lesson and will limit all of my posts to what I could fit into one 5.5 x 8.5 page.

As I go the first 16 verses of Psalm 18, again, I am drawn to the last verses of part 1.  The channels of waters were seen, and the foundations of the earth were discovered.  He took me, he drew me out of many/deep waters.

The metaphor of deep water is so appropriate for addiction in so many ways.  Addiction will drown us - and for many of us it was that drowning that we had to experience before seeking recovery.  Addiction, like water, is deceiving in that at first the experience seems refreshing and relaxing.  However, to continue to get the same feeling and experience we need to go deeper, and farther out.  Until we've gone so far that we are in over our heads and our lives became unmanageable.  Thankfully, God, through prayers (which even went into his ears) and the 12 steps pushed those waters aside, and pulled us out of deadly waters.

Today my prayers go out to the addicts that still suffers.  That they may be guided or pulled out of those deep waters.  That they may realize that there is a higher power that can help them and save them.  That there are people around them that love them and want to help them.  That they reach out to their higher power and the people in their lives to be rescued.  That they let that higher power and those people into their lives so that they can experience a new life, free of addiction and the problems that addiction brings.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 17 (KJV) - Give ear to my prayer that goeth not out of feigned lips

From Psalms

Psalm 17
(A prayer of David.)

¹Hear the right, O LORD,
      attend unto my cry,
give ear unto my prayer,
      that goeth not out of feigned lips.
²Let my sentence come forth from thy presence;
      let thine eyes behold the things that are equal.

³Thou hast proved mine heart; thou hast visited me in the night;
      thou hast tried me, and shalt find nothing;
      I am purposed that my mouth shall not transgress.
⁴Concerning the works of men,
      by the word of thy lips
I have kept me from the paths of the destroyer.
⁵Hold up my goings in thy paths,
      that my footsteps slip not.

⁶I have called upon thee, for thou wilt hear me, O God:
      incline thine ear unto me, and hear my speech.
⁷Show thy marvellous loving kindness,
      O thou that savest by thy right hand
      them which put their trust in thee from those that rise up against them.
⁸Keep me as the apple of the eye,
      hide me under the shadow of thy wings,
⁹From the wicked that oppress me,
      from my deadly enemies, who compass me about.

¹⁰They are inclosed in their own fat:
      with their mouth they speak proudly.
¹¹They have now compassed us in our steps:
      they have set their eyes bowing down to the earth;
¹²Like as a lion that is greedy of his prey,
      and as it were a young lion lurking in secret places.

¹³Arise, O LORD, disappoint him, cast him down:
      deliver my soul from the wicked, which is thy sword:
¹⁴From men which are thy hand, O LORD,
      from men of the world, which have their portion in this life,
and whose belly thou fillest with thy hid treasure:
      they are full of children,
      and leave the rest of their substance to their babes.
¹⁵As for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness:
      I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy likeness.

The Psalms of lament, which Psalm 17 is, seem to be especially comforting to me.  Give ear to my prayer, hear my cry, I am not feigning this crisis.  You are my last hope - that probably no human power can relieve me of this overpowering addiction.

It's 3:00 in the morning, I have just woken up from a fairly vivid dream about sex.  These dreams were more common in the first three months of my sobriety/abstinence.  However, work has been a little stressful recently and I'm feeling very tired when I come home - so, it's not surprising that they've come back.  I find this kind of rundown feeling is a strong catalyst to falling back into my old patterns.  I have talked about how HALT (Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, Tired) can be a path back into the hole of addiction.  So, it is important that I... or we, as addicts, monitor this closely.  I guess I'm thankful that this was just a dream and not a real experience in acting out.

Nevertheless, it is very fitting that I have Psalm 17 to comfort me.  To help me get through this and reassure me that God understands that my demons waits like a lion lurking in secret places, that are too dark even for me to know.  That if I continue to work at this, I will behold His face of righteousness, I shall be satisfied with the likeness of Christ.

Thanks for letting me share.