Psalm 52 (KJV): I trust in the mercy of God

From Psalms

Psalm 52
(For the director of music. A maskil of David. When Doeg the Edomite had gone to Saul and told him: “David has gone to the house of Ahimelek.”)

¹Why boastest thou thyself in mischief, O mighty man?
      the goodness of God endureth continually.
²The tongue deviseth mischiefs;
      like a sharp razor,
      working deceitfully.
³Thou lovest evil more than good;
      and lying rather than to speak righteousness.            Selah.
⁴Thou lovest all devouring words,
      O thou deceitful tongue.

⁵God shall likewise destroy thee for ever,
      he shall take thee away, and pluck thee out of thy dwelling place,
      and root thee out of the land of the living.                   Selah.
⁶The righteous also shall see, and fear,
      and shall laugh at him:
⁷Lo, this is the man
      that made not God his strength;
but trusted in the abundance of his riches,
      and strengthened himself in his wickedness.

⁸But I am like a green olive tree
      in the house of God:
I trust in the mercy of God
      for ever and ever.
⁹I will praise thee for ever,
      because thou hast done it:
and I will wait on thy name;
      for it is good before thy saints.

Here's a psalm which highlights David's feelings when he was betrayed by Doeg, a man who professed to be his friend.  Not only does he sin but he boasts about his sin (verse 1).  A child of God does not boast about sin.  But nor will he lie about it - but boasting about sin is a sign of a person who is not faithful to God.  Then this psalm then tells us that this evil person will prefer deceit and lying to honesty and righteousness.

As I read this psalm and think about what I'm reading I realize that I allow my addiction to make me evil.  That's not to say I'm truly evil but I allow my addiction to cloud my judgement so that I choose evil over good.  I expect I'm not alone.  As addicts we try to cover up our problem.  We deceive and betray friends, just as Doeg does to David.  Sometimes, I expect we even brag about it.

To this day I hide my addiction from most people (I still live with the disease I am just now able to manage it).  More than just lying to cover up my addiction, in my addiction I would lie, I would steal, I would covet, and I would commit adultery (if even in spirit).  I fear all of these behaviors more than I fear acting out in my addiction itself because these are what made my life unmanageable.  It was all these things that made sex and alcohol a problem in my life.

Thankfully, I have the 12 steps, I have psalms and prayer that keep me close to God and give me perspective on my addictions.  When I lose touch with those my natural tendencies rise up, again.  However, as long as I trust in these things I remain powerful over my addictions.  This power and strength is what I need to recover.  My help comes from the Lord.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 51 (KJV) 1-16: Create in me a clean heart, O God

From Psalms

Psalm 51: 1-16
(For the director of music, A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.)

¹Have mercy upon me, O God,
      according to thy lovingkindness:
according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies
      blot out my transgressions.
²Wash me throughly from mine iniquity,
      and cleanse me from my sin.

³For I acknowledge my transgressions:
      and my sin is ever before me.
⁴Against thee, thee only, have I sinned,
      and done this evil in thy sight:
that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest,
      and be clear when thou judgest.
⁵Behold, I was shapen in iniquity;
      and in sin did my mother conceive me.
⁶Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts:
      and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.

⁷Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean:
      wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
⁸Make me to hear joy and gladness;
      that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
⁹Hide thy face from my sins,
      and blot out all mine iniquities.

¹⁰Create in me a clean heart, O God;
      and renew a right spirit within me.
¹¹Cast me not away from thy presence;
      and take not thy holy spirit from me.
¹²Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation;
      and uphold me with thy free spirit.

¹³Then will I teach transgressors thy ways;
      and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
¹⁴Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,
      thou God of my salvation:
      and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
¹⁵O Lord, open thou my lips;
      and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
¹⁶For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it:
      thou delightest not in burnt offering.

This is a big psalm for me because in spirit, as a sex addict, I also committed adultery, like David.  It wasn't exactly the same.  However, when I visited strip clubs, and lied about it, I was unfatihful.  When I watched porn and lied about it I was unfaithful.  David, one of the most holy people to ever lived.  One God's ordained children.  He, like myself, for a point in time, was unable to control his lust for a woman and broke two commandments.  So, this psalm has a special place for the sex addict.  In line with the 12 steps this psalm, has: a cry conscience, a cry of confession and clemency, a cry for cleansing and communion.

Let's highlight these as I simply recite this as means of redemption of my sins.  Cry of conscience: "For I acknowledge my transgressions and they are ever before me."  Cry of confession and clemency: "Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom."  The idea that the thought of sin is as bad as committing the sin.  Cry for cleansing and communion: "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit in me."

I think this last line will be my mantra for the day.  "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit in me."

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 51:17-19 (KJV): Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices

From Psalms

Psalm 51:17-19

¹⁷The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit:
      a broken and a contrite heart,
     O God, thou wilt not despise.

¹⁸Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion:
      build thou the walls of Jerusalem.
¹⁹Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness,
      with burnt offering and whole burnt offering:
      then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.

This is David's closing for his big prayer, from his adultery with Bathsheba, that we looked at yesterday.  This loses up his request for cleansing with praises to God.  Not only does he desire to praise God but he also wants to please God.

How do we please God?  We give of our love freely - just as Jesus showed.  For even if we sin much we can be forgiven if we make things aright and love much.  When was the last time you wept over your sins?  Thankfully our God is gracious and gave his son to be willing to forgive our sins.  However, this grace is at a small price.  That price is confession, a contrite heart, and amends on our part.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 50:15-23: call upon me in day of trouble: I will deliver thee

From Psalms

Psalm 50:15-23

¹⁵And call upon me in the day of trouble:
      I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.

¹⁶But unto the wicked God saith,
      What hast thou to do to declare my statutes,
      or that thou shouldest take my covenant in thy mouth?
¹⁷Seeing thou hatest instruction,
      and casteth my words behind thee.
¹⁸When thou sawest a thief, then thou consentedst with him,
      and hast been partaker with adulterers.
¹⁹Thou givest thy mouth to evil,
      and thy tongue frameth deceit.
²⁰Thou sittest and speakest against thy brother;
      thou slanderest thine own mother's son.
²¹These things hast thou done, and I kept silence;
      thou thoughtest that I was altogether such an one as thyself:
but I will reprove thee,
      and set them in order before thine eyes.

²²Now consider this, ye that forget God,
      lest I tear you in pieces, and there be none to deliver.
²³Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me:
      and to him that ordereth his conversation
      aright will I shew the salvation of God.

Starting in verse 16 God identifies all of our hypocrisy.  Our lies, our stealing, procrastination, speaking evil, disregard for the words of the bible.  Through all this God has been silent - but that doesn't mean he has approved.  Nevertheless, God does not want to destroy us because of our sin.  No he wants to use his grace on those who seek forgiveness and change their ways.  Those that make their conversation, and their way, aright will be saved.  That is what God wants.

Everyday is a new day.  Everyday I need to make sure I am correcting my natural tendency to seek pleasure outside of his word.  That I am not seeking pleasure in places I shouldn't be like in a bottle or in sex.  That's the way I had been doing it for years.  And I expect it will take years to change that tendency - and will only be able to do it with the help of God.  And so it everyday that I need to pick up the steps, pick up psalms, and pray for God to save me, and help me aright my way.  One day at a time I will recover a little stronger than the day before.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 50:1-14: Never mind the bullocks

From Psalms

Psalm 50:1-14
(A psalm of Asaph)


¹The mighty God, even the LORD,
      hath spoken, and called the earth
      from the rising of the sun unto the going down thereof.
²Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty,
      God hath shined.
³Our God shall come, and shall not keep silence:
      a fire shall devour before him,
      and it shall be very tempestuous round about him.
⁴He shall call to the heavens from above,
      and to the earth, that he may judge his people.
⁵Gather my saints together unto me;
      those that have made a covenant with me by sacrifice.
⁶And the heavens shall declare his righteousness:
      for God is judge himself.                                            Selah.

⁷Hear, O my people, and I will speak;
      O Israel, and I will testify against thee:
      I am God, even thy God.
⁸I will not reprove thee for thy sacrifices
      or thy burnt offerings, to have been continually before me.
⁹I will take no bullock out of thy house,
      nor he goats out of thy folds.
¹⁰For every beast of the forest is mine,
      and the cattle upon a thousand hills.
¹¹I know all the fowls of the mountains:
      and the wild beasts of the field are mine.
¹²If I were hungry, I would not tell thee:
      for the world is mine, and the fulness thereof.
¹³Will I eat the flesh of bulls,
      or drink the blood of goats?
¹⁴Offer unto God thanksgiving;
      and pay thy vows unto the most High:

This, I am told, is a psalm of judgement.  1-3 we are told of the coming of God.  Something that should be a glorious anticipation of the children of God.  That is, if you are ready to be judged by God himself.  Verses 7-10 show us we may not be ready to be judged.

We may have been going to church, we may have been giving our sacrifices, our $20 on the plate, even volunteering at church.  Not that any of these things are bad - but if it's just going through the motions it won't mean anything to God.  What is any of that to God, anyway?  Does God want or need our money?  God wants us to build a relationship with him.  As the Sex Pistols (sort of) said never mind the bullocks (verse 9) God wants a relationship with you.  Clearly I added the last part, but you get the message.

So, let me get to what this has to with my addiction, lately.  I have been spending time, recently, doing things that put me at risk of losing my sobriety.  For example, even if I have sparkling water when I go out with the guys from work, just being at a bar puts me at risk.  There are finer lines with my sex addiction.  YouTube, as an example, does not host porn.  However, some of the videos there could very well put me at risk of losing my sexual sobriety.  At any rate, when I am involved in these gray areas I am certainly not building my relationship with God.  I am certainly not doing the will of God, as I vowed I would do when I completed my work in step three.  And doing his will, and building my relationship with God, is what I need to be doing instead.

Thanks for letting me share.