Psalm 27 (KJV): The Lord is my strength, of whom shall I be afraid?

From Psalms

Psalm 27
(Of David.)

¹The LORD is my light and my salvation;
      whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the strength of my life;
      of whom shall I be afraid?
²When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes,
      came upon me to eat up my flesh,
      they stumbled and fell.
³Though a host should encamp against me,
      my heart shall not fear:
though war should rise against me,
      in this will I be confident.

⁴One thing have I desired of the LORD,
      that will I seek after;
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
      all the days of my life,
to behold the beauty of the LORD,
      and to enquire in his temple.
⁵For in the time of trouble
      he shall hide me in his pavilion:
in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me;
      he shall set me up upon a rock.
⁶And now shall mine head be lifted up
      above mine enemies round about me:
therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy;
      I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD.

⁷Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice:
      have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
⁸When thou saidst, Seek ye my face;
      my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek.
⁹Hide not thy face far from me;
      put not thy servant away in anger:
      thou hast been my help;
leave me not, neither forsake me,
      O God of my salvation.
¹⁰When my father and my mother forsake me,
      then the LORD will take me up.
¹¹Teach me thy way, O LORD,
      and lead me in a plain path,
      because of mine enemies.
¹²Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies:
      for false witnesses are risen up against me,
      and such as breathe out cruelty.

¹³I had fainted, unless I had believed
      to see the goodness of the LORD
      in the land of the living.
¹⁴Wait on the LORD:
      be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart:
      wait, I say, on the LORD.

If the Lord is on my side then what harm can any person or worldly thing do to me.  Even a war should rise up against me I am confident in the Lord.  In times of trouble...he shall set me up on a rock.  This psalm would be complete if it ended here in or around verse five.  However, there's more.

This psalm is not just a psalm of praise of the strength and wisdom of God.  It is a psalm of faith.

It is not always easy to see His strength and wisdom working in our lives.  This strength does not always come quickly - nor does it always arrive when we want it.  You see God is a god of patience.  God likes to work with seeds.  When he wants a mighty tree he starts with a seed - often a very small seed.  And we know, unfortunately, not all seeds sprout.  So, we may need to try several times.  Even when they do sprout they need plenty of care, water, sunlight, and time.  The result, however, after providing all of these elements, is often beyond our wildest dreams.

This, I believe, is how this psalm closes.  Be faithful, have courage, and wait on the Lord.  Do these things and He will answer your prayers, strengthen your heart and will help you overcome your fiercest battles and greatest fears.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 26 (KJV): Examine my reins and my heart

From Psalms

Psalm 26
(Of David)


¹Judge me, O LORD;
      for I have walked in mine integrity:
I have trusted also in the LORD;
      therefore I shall not slide.
²Examine me, O LORD, and prove me;
      try my reins and my heart.
³For thy loving kindness is before mine eyes:
      and I have walked in thy truth.
⁴I have not sat with vain persons,
      neither will I go in with dissemblers.
⁵I have hated the congregation of evil doers;
      and will not sit with the wicked.
⁶I will wash mine hands in innocency:
      so will I compass thine altar, O LORD:
⁷That I may publish with the voice of thanksgiving,
      and tell of all thy wondrous works.
⁸LORD, I have loved the habitation of thy house,
      and the place where thine honour dwelleth.

⁹Gather not my soul with sinners,
      nor my life with bloody men:
¹⁰In whose hands is mischief,
      and their right hand is full of bribes.
¹¹But as for me, I will walk in mine integrity:
      redeem me, and be merciful unto me.

¹²My foot standeth in an even place:
      in the congregations will I bless the LORD.

Dear God, you know me and you know that I am not an evil person.  Yet, I struggle to follow your narrow path of truth with integrity.  I am tested daily in whether I am close to you and whether I trust in you.  I am tested in my focus to work the steps, pray, or become closer to you.  I am tested in the temptations that are continuously put in front of me, as I am inundated with sex in the media and marketing all around me.  I am tested in whether or not I objectify women.  I am tested in my support of my family.  I am tested in the presence of cigarettes and alcohol.

I am grateful for these tests for every test is an opportunity for me to learn about my nature and an opportunity to learn about God and how I can become closer to God.  As I learn these things my life becomes richer and more rewarding.

I am grateful that my God is patient and works slowly.  This change in my life has come slowly, one day at a time.  However, when I look back and compare a day now to a day a year ago or two years ago I can see a difference.  In that difference I can see the results of many tests, mostly small, some large, but many, many tests.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 25 (KJV): Pardon mine iniquity for it is great

From Psalms

Psalm 25
(Of David.)


¹Unto thee, O LORD, do I lift up my soul.
²O my God, I trust in thee:
      let me not be ashamed,
      let not mine enemies triumph over me.
³Yea, let none that wait on thee
      be ashamed:
let them be ashamed
      which transgress without cause.

⁴Shew me thy ways, O LORD;
      teach me thy paths.
⁵Lead me in thy truth, and teach me:
      for thou art the God of my salvation;
      on thee do I wait all the day.
⁶Remember, O LORD, thy tender mercies and thy loving kindnesses;
      for they have been ever of old.
⁷Remember not the sins of my youth,
      nor my transgressions:
according to thy mercy remember thou me
      for thy goodness' sake, O LORD.

⁸Good and upright is the LORD:
      therefore will he teach sinners in the way.
⁹The meek will he guide in judgment:
      and the meek will he teach his way.
¹⁰All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth
      unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.
¹¹For thy name's sake, O LORD,
      pardon mine iniquity; for it is great.
¹²What man is he that feareth the LORD?
      him shall he teach in the way that he shall choose.
¹³His soul shall dwell at ease;
      and his seed shall inherit the earth.
¹⁴The secret of the LORD is with them that fear him;
      and he will shew them his covenant.
¹⁵Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD;
      for he shall pluck my feet out of the net.

¹⁶Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me;
      for I am desolate and afflicted.
¹⁷The troubles of my heart are enlarged:
      O bring thou me out of my distresses.
¹⁸Look upon mine affliction and my pain;
      and forgive all my sins.
¹⁹Consider mine enemies; for they are many;
      and they hate me with cruel hatred.
²⁰O keep my soul, and deliver me:
      let me not be ashamed;
      for I put my trust in thee.
²¹Let integrity and uprightness preserve me;
      for I wait on thee.

²²Redeem Israel, O God,
      out of all his troubles.

I am desolate and afflicted, Lord.  Forgive me of my iniquities - and they are great.  Forgive me for the times that I put my need for alcohol and sex ahead of my family.  When I spent money on strippers instead of my wife's birthday present.  When I got angry with kids because I was frustrated with being late - not because of something they did but because I was online watching porn instead of doing things to get ready for the day.

Help my soul dwell in your peace; for in You I trust.  I believe that you have restored my and redeemed me.  You are my salvation and my rock.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 24 (KJV):Who shall stand in his holy place?

From Psalms

Psalm 24
(Of David. A psalm)


¹The earth is the LORD's, and the fulness thereof;
      the world, and they that dwell therein.
²For he hath founded it upon the seas,
      and established it upon the floods.

³Who shall ascend into the hill of the LORD?
      or who shall stand in his holy place?
⁴He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart;
      who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity,
      nor sworn deceitfully.
⁵He shall receive the blessing from the LORD,
      and righteousness from the God of his salvation.
⁶This is the generation of them that seek him,
      that seek thy face, O Jacob.                     Selah.

⁷Lift up your heads, O ye gates;
      and be ye lift up, ye everlasting doors;
      and the King of glory shall come in.
⁸Who is this King of glory?
      The LORD strong and mighty,
      the LORD mighty in battle.
⁹Lift up your heads, O ye gates;
      even lift them up, ye everlasting doors;
      and the King of glory shall come in.
¹⁰Who is this King of glory?
      The LORD of hosts,
      he is the King of glory.                   Selah.

Verse 4 of Psalm 24 has meaning for me that I'd like to share today.  Who shall stand in God's Holy place...as I understand it.  The people with clean hearts, don't lie, and do not lift his soul to vanity or false idols.

Let's begin with clean hands.  Notice the psalmist doesn't say people who have never had dirty hands.  So, how do you get clean hands.  I believe this is what is happens in steps 4-9 of AA.  First, as in Steps 4 and 5 we admit to our faults, sins and dirty hands.  Second, as in 6 and 7 we ask for forgiveness for our faults and dirty hands - in this asking for our forgiveness, we realize that God only forgives those who are willing to forgive others.  Third, we make amends, as we do in steps 8 and 9.  Through these steps we clean our hands of our past sins.

Next, no lying.  Not just no lying.  Being completely honest and open.  No covering up.  No playing dumb.  The whole truth and nothing but the truth.  This is incredibly hard.  No white lies.  No lies to protect other people, or telling them what you know what they want to hear.  The truth.  It is easy to understand but much more difficult to live by.  It requires true strength, true self control and often true faith in God.

Lastly, no false idols (as it is translated in NIV) and no lifting our souls unto vanity (KJV).  In this day and age there are false idols that take higher importance than God everywhere.  We are inundated with messages of how worldly items will bring us instant happiness.  Cars, Money, Homes, Electronic Gadgets.  We are sold on sex, and inundated with porn.  Many rely on alcohol to calm our nerves and give us strength - instead of God.  Coffee, instead of prayer, is the source of strength of many in the morning.  Money and Career is often more important than God, too.  Whether you call it vanity or false idols the answer is clear.  The solution is losing the idea of self and living a life centered around God; not around selfish pursuits.

None of those objectives comes easily.  All of those needs something special to support those goals.  That's where the rest of the psalm comes in.  God is strong and mighty.  God is a king of glory.  With God we can achieve these things.  Through God we can live a life of truth, without vanity and false idols, pure heart and clean hands.  Only through God will you live a life worthy of living in His holy place.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 23 (KJV): He restoreth my soul

From Psalms

Psalm 23
¹The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
²He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
³He restoreth my soul:
      he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness
      for his name's sake.
⁴Yea, though I walk through
      the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil:
      for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff
      they comfort me.

⁵Thou preparest a table before me
      in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil;
      my cup runneth over.
⁶Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
      all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

The Grand-daddy of all Psalms. Psalm 23, probably the best known Psalm of them all. Books have been written on recovery and Psalm 23. For the longest time I didn't understand what was so great about it.  I now believe its greatness is in its simplicity.  Although I think it's important it's hard for me to call the most important psalm.

Nevertheless, I now see how God leads me in paths of righteousness - not into temptation.  How, in hindsight, when I have fear I am not close to God. In the dark valleys of my addiction I shall not fear as long as I am with God.  I do see how all the gifts and blessings I have are from God - and my cup runneth over.  I thank God that he has restored my soul.  Surely his goodness and his mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.

That is not to say every day will be easy and without failure or frustration.  However, I have faith that even in failure and disappointment that I will learn something from those experiences.  Learn to forgive; gain strength and self control; be able to be more patient; not question my faith; be guided to be gentle; love selflessly; be able to find peace in all situations; acquire true goodness of heart.

I wish I had something more meaningful to say about Psalm 23 - but it kind of speaks for itself.  I'd rather you have that than procrastinate on it any longer.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 22 (KJV) - Pt III (30-31): We shall declare his righteousness

From Psalms

Psalm 22 Pt III Verses 30, 31

³⁰A seed shall serve him;
      it shall be accounted to the Lord for a generation.
³¹They shall come, and shall declare his righteousness
      unto a people that shall be born,
      that he hath done this.

Wow, I can't believe I've been away from my psalms postings for almost two weeks.  There has been a lot going on.  Thankfully nothing of it is related to my addictions.  I have been very busy with my family...being present with my kids...being loving...and sharing the love of Jesus.  I shall praise God for this - and declare his righteousness for these blessings in my life

I realized that I was using this to help procrastinate on other things in my life that are probably more important.  So, I believe this little break has been healthy...but I will try to keep it a little more healthy going forward.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 22 (KJV) - Part II (Verses 16-29): They pierced my hands and feet

From Psalms

Psalm 22 Part II (Verses 16-29)

¹⁶For dogs have compassed me:
      the assembly of the wicked have inclosed me:
      they pierced my hands and my feet.
¹⁷I may tell all my bones:
      they look and stare upon me.
¹⁸They part my garments among them,
      and cast lots upon my vesture.

¹⁹But be not thou far from me, O LORD:
      O my strength, haste thee to help me.
²⁰Deliver my soul from the sword;
      my darling from the power of the dog.
²¹Save me from the lion's mouth:
      for thou hast heard me from the horns of the unicorns.

²²I will declare thy name unto my brethren:
      in the midst of the congregation will I praise thee.
²³Ye that fear the LORD, praise him;
      all ye the seed of Jacob, glorify him;
      and fear him, all ye the seed of Israel.
²⁴For he hath not despised nor abhorred
      the affliction of the afflicted;
neither hath he hid his face from him;
      but when he cried unto him, he heard.

²⁵My praise shall be of thee in the great congregation:
      I will pay my vows before them that fear him.
²⁶The meek shall eat and be satisfied:
      they shall praise the LORD that seek him:
      your heart shall live for ever.
²⁷All the ends of the world
      shall remember and turn unto the LORD:
and all the kindreds of the nations
      shall worship before thee.
²⁸For the kingdom is the LORD's:
      and he is the governor among the nations.

²⁹All they that be fat upon earth shall eat and worship:
      all they that go down to the dust shall bow before him:
      and none can keep alive his own soul.

This is a big psalm - not just in the fact it needs to be broken into three parts, and more than I led on yesterday.  This psalm, through the grace of God, is the spirit of Christ speaking through the psalmist, well in advance of his presence on earth. Obviously, they pierced his hands and feet in the crucifixion - just as part II starts here today in verse 16. In the part I, a couple of days ago, I failed to mention how Matthew (27:46) describes Jesus "cried out in a loud voice...'My God, my God, why have you foresaken me?'" Earlier in Matthew (27:36) They divided up his clothes by casting lots - just as the psalmist writes here in verse 18.

So, now that I have mentioned these things...why is this important to an addict?  This confirms our faith in him as the Messiah.  With that the tone changes around verse 22.  From one of suffering, and portraying the story of the crucifixion to something much greater.  To a tone of praise and redemption.  It makes sense to me, that at this turning point, that the spirit has risen from the cross.  For all this suffering was not in vain (verse 24) and God did not abhor this nor did he hide his face from Christ.  In fact, when Christ cried out God heard, and all debts for sins have been repaid.

Thankfully these sins include all those evils we did while our minds were addicted.  The lies and the stealing.  The envy and the selfishness.  In the extreme cases, like those poor drunks who have killed while driving intoxicated, the murder.  If we seek forgiveness we will be forgiven.  If we seek recovery we will be saved from our addiction.  This forgiveness does not come easily though.   The path to salvation comes through a fairly demanding path for an addict.  It includes admitting the true nature of our wrongs, asking for help with those wrongs and making amends wherever possible.  All this requires turning our lives over to our Higher Power and requires perseverance every day.

I know this to be true because I am starting to see it in my life.  Just as I have seen it in other addicts and alcoholics lives around me.  I am rebuilding my marriage.  I have stopped lying and covering up where I've been and where I've been spending money.  Slowly but surely I am making amends where I need to and filling in the holes that my addiction left behind.  With the will of God my life is slowly becoming whole again - a hope that I have for all addicts out there.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 22 (KJV) - Part I: My God, why hast thou forsaken me?

From Psalms

Psalm 22
(For the director of music.  To the tune of "The Doe of the Morning."  A psalm of David.)

¹My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?
      why art thou so far from helping me,
      and from the words of my roaring?
²O my God, I cry in the day time, but thou hearest not;
      and in the night season, and am not silent.

³But thou art holy,
      O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel.
⁴Our fathers trusted in thee:
      they trusted, and thou didst deliver them.
⁵They cried unto thee, and were delivered:
      they trusted in thee, and were not confounded.

⁶But I am a worm, and no man;
      a reproach of men, and despised of the people.
⁷All they that see me laugh me to scorn:
      they shoot out the lip, they shake the head, saying,
⁸He trusted on the LORD that he would deliver him:
      let him deliver him, seeing he delighted in him.

⁹But thou art he that took me out of the womb:
      thou didst make me hope when I was upon my mother's breasts.
¹⁰I was cast upon thee from the womb:
      thou art my God from my mother's belly.
¹¹Be not far from me;
      for trouble is near;
      for there is none to help.

¹²Many bulls have compassed me:
      strong bulls of Bashan have beset me round.
¹³They gaped upon me with their mouths,
      as a ravening and a roaring lion.
¹⁴I am poured out like water,
      and all my bones are out of joint:
my heart is like wax;
      it is melted in the midst of my bowels.
¹⁵My strength is dried up like a potsherd;
      and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws;
      and thou hast brought me into the dust of death.

How many addicts have uttered, "My God, why hast thou forsaken me?  Why do you stay far away?  I cry out but you don't hear my prayers."

How do we get into these situations that we feel God is far away?  I believe the answer has two parts.  The first is that God does not stay away from us - but rather we grow away and stray away from God.  As a result he puts us in situations, often fairly dire, so that we can understand that truth.  God intends that good things can come out of all situations.  Listen to the story of most recovering addicts and alcoholics.  In their addiction they had grown farther from God.  Fallen into a hole of the addiction and replaced their need of God with something else.

In recovery though they slowly returned to God.  Placed their faith in Him and slowly found strength to overcome their addiction, as well as the other problems in their lives.  In that journey their lives were transformed.  The 12 steps is not just about learning how to stop drinking, using drugs, or acting out in some other compulsive behavior.  The 12 steps is about finding a new life in your higher power.  Recovery is about transformation.

So, why in the world should we be ashamed of worshiping a powerful God that can transform the life of a "worm?"  (Verse 6-8)  This seems kind of silly but is still a real emotion that many addicts face.  That we still fear being mocked for our belief, often a strong belief, in a higher power.  Especially given what we've seen Him do in our lives.  To which I simply say, "If god is for us who can be against us." (Romans 8:31)  Why should we worry about what men say when we know that God is on our side?  How do we know he's on our side?  Because we've seen him pull us out of our hole of addiction and restore us to a healthy and meaningful life.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 21 (KJV) - His glory is great in my salvation

From Psalms

Psalm 21
(For the director of music.  A psalm of David.)

¹The king shall joy in thy strength, O LORD;
      and in thy salvation how greatly shall he rejoice!
²Thou hast given him his heart's desire,
      and hast not withholden the request of his lips.        Selah.
³For thou preventest him with the blessings of goodness:
      thou settest a crown of pure gold on his head.
⁴He asked life of thee, and thou gavest it him,
      even length of days for ever and ever.
⁵His glory is great in thy salvation:
      honour and majesty hast thou laid upon him.
⁶For thou hast made him most blessed for ever:
      thou hast made him exceeding glad with thy countenance.
⁷For the king trusteth in the LORD,
      and through the mercy of the most High
      he shall not be moved.

⁸Thine hand shall find out all thine enemies:
      thy right hand shall find out those that hate thee.
⁹Thou shalt make them as a fiery oven in the time of thine anger:
the LORD shall swallow them up in his wrath,
      and the fire shall devour them.
¹⁰Their fruit shalt thou destroy from the earth,
      and their seed from among the children of men.
¹¹For they intended evil against thee: they imagined a mischievous device,
      which they are not able to perform.
¹²Therefore shalt thou make them turn their back,
      when thou shalt make ready thine arrows upon thy strings against the face of them.

¹³Be thou exalted, LORD, in thine own strength:
      so will we sing and praise thy power.

Verses 1-7 echo my current state so well.  I am so grateful for the blessings of God, the 12 steps and the people around me.  I asked for a new life - and He granted me my wish.  I have more joy, more happiness, more strength, and more courage.  His glory is great in my salvation.  In his mercy I shall not be moved.

Then psalm 21 concludes (lucky verse 13) this sentiment so well.  I am glad that I have this blog to tell my story and to share is his glory, where I can exalt His strength and praise his power.

As I make my list of people to whom I need to make amends to, I am grateful for the opportunity.  I know it will be a growing experience.  I know that it will be an opportunity to reflect the love God.  As I've been learning, being Christian means being conspicuous about my love of my brothers and sisters.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 20 (KJV) - The Lord hear thee in the day of trouble

From Psalms

Psalm 20
(For the director of music. A psalm of David.)

¹The LORD hear thee in the day of trouble;
      the name of the God of Jacob defend thee;
²Send thee help from the sanctuary,
      and strengthen thee out of Zion;
³Remember all thy offerings,
      and accept thy burnt sacrifice;                         Selah.
⁴Grant thee according to thine own heart,
      and fulfil all thy counsel.
⁵We will rejoice in thy salvation,
      and in the name of our God we will set up our banners:
the LORD fulfil all thy petitions.

⁶Now know I that the LORD saveth his anointed;
      he will hear him from his holy heaven
      with the saving strength of his right hand.
⁷Some trust in chariots, and some in horses:
      but we will remember the name of the LORD our God.
⁸They are brought down and fallen:
       but we are risen, and stand upright.

⁹Save, LORD: let the king hear us when we call.

Now I know I was having a great day when I did Psalm 19...something that not everybody else was experiencing with me.  For those people who were not having a good day, I dedicate Psalm 20.  Whether that's your addiction creeping back up, family issues, or things not going smoothly with your career, Psalm 20 is for you.  May the Lord answer you in your day of need, and may the Lord be with you.

There is a catch to this though - your faith and trust must be in the Lord.  Some trust in chariots, some in horses.  Some trust in money, and other trust in worldly assets.  When things are bleak you cannot trust that a drink will take off the edge.  When we are had an argument with someone close to us we cannot believe that going to the store and buying a new gadget or new clothes will bring happiness.  When we are feeling lonely we cannot believe that love will be in a strip club or in an online chat room.

So we will remember to have our trust in the Lord.  That trust and faith will allow us to rise up from our distress and stand firm (in our recovery).

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 19 (KJV) - The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart

From Psalms

Psalm 19

¹The heavens declare the glory of God;
      and the firmament sheweth his handywork.
²Day unto day uttereth speech,
      and night unto night sheweth knowledge.
³There is no speech nor language,
      where their voice is not heard.
⁴Their line is gone out through all the earth,
      and their words to the end of the world.
In them hath he set a tabernacle for the sun,
⁵      which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
      and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race.
⁶His going forth is from the end of the heaven,
      and his circuit unto the ends of it:
      and there is nothing hid from the heat thereof.

⁷The law of the LORD is perfect,
      converting the soul:
the testimony of the LORD is sure,
      making wise the simple.
⁸The statutes of the LORD are right,
      rejoicing the heart:
the commandment of the LORD is pure,
      enlightening the eyes.
⁹The fear of the LORD is clean,
      enduring for ever:
the judgments of the LORD are true
      and righteous altogether.
¹⁰More to be desired are they than gold,
      yea, than much fine gold:
sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
¹¹Moreover by them is thy servant warned:
      and in keeping of them there is great reward.

¹²Who can understand his errors?
      cleanse thou me from secret faults.
¹³Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins;
      let them not have dominion over me:
then shall I be upright,
      and I shall be innocent from the great transgression.

¹⁴Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart,
      be acceptable in thy sight,
      O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

Psalm 19...where do I start.  Today, Psalm 19 seems so perfect.  It is days like this that helps our trust in the Lord.  Days like today are the days we remember on the bad days to keep us faithful.  The days we remember on the days when we ask how long?  (see Psalm 13).  Indeed, it's these days we can see his laws convert our souls, rejoice our hearts, and enlighten our eyes.  On day's like today, when I can see the impact of my service, his judgments are worth more than gold.

Not only that, Psalm 19 is perfect as I wrap up step 7.  "Cleanse thou me of secret faults."  Those defects of character - especially those that I keep out of the light of day, or rather used to keep out of the light of day.  Let me be open about them (where it is safe to do so).  Let them not rule my life.  That I shall be upright and reflect Your love in the world.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 18 (KJV) - Part 3: Thou hast subdued that which rises up against me

From Psalms

Psalm 18:36-50
³⁶Thou hast enlarged my steps under me,
      that my feet did not slip.

³⁷I have pursued mine enemies, and overtaken them:
      neither did I turn again till they were consumed.
³⁸I have wounded them that they were not able to rise:
      they are fallen under my feet.
³⁹For thou hast girded me with strength unto the battle:
      thou hast subdued under me those that rose up against me.
⁴⁰Thou hast also given me the necks of mine enemies;
      that I might destroy them that hate me.
⁴¹They cried, but there was none to save them:
      even unto the LORD, but he answered them not.
⁴²Then did I beat them small as the dust before the wind:
      I did cast them out as the dirt in the streets.

⁴³Thou hast delivered me from the strivings of the people;
      and thou hast made me the head of the heathen:
      a people whom I have not known shall serve me.
⁴⁴As soon as they hear of me, they shall obey me:
      the strangers shall submit themselves unto me.
⁴⁵The strangers shall fade away,
      and be afraid out of their close places.

⁴⁶The LORD liveth; and blessed be my rock;
      and let the God of my salvation be exalted.

⁴⁷It is God that avengeth me,
      and subdueth the people under me.
⁴⁸He delivereth me from mine enemies:
yea, thou liftest me up above those that rise up against me:
      thou hast delivered me from the violent man.
⁴⁹Therefore will I give thanks unto thee, O LORD,
      among the heathen, and sing praises unto thy name.
⁵⁰Great deliverance giveth he to his king;
      and sheweth mercy to his anointed,
      to David, and to his seed for evermore.

Hmmm...this last section of Psalm 18 is largely about fighting, war, battle, destruction...not the kind of things I look to my God for.  A God of love, mercy, and grace.  Even from proverbial sense, to make my enemy (or enemies) which I conquer my addiction I can't even say that I beat into dust.  Nor can I say I have been my addiction's neck.  My addiction, it seems is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

However, I suppose, on a daily level I am victorious over my addiction, thanks to my God.  This is a battle I fight on a daily basis.  The temptations and urges have not left, and from what I hear at meetings, will never leave.  Like a spark that can re-ignite a fire my addictions sits and smolders.  God willing I will be able to keep it from flaring up.  In that sense God has subdued my addiction, which rises up against me.

I just get better at understanding the addiction and knowing how to manage and avoid the temptations.  Truly it is only with my God's support that I am able to recover.  As it says here in verse 46 He is my rock.  For that reason I exalt the God of my salvation - Hallelujah, Praise the Lord.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 18 (KJV) - Part 2: Thou wilt save the afflicted people

From Psalms

Psalm 18 (cont.)

¹⁷He delivered me from my strong enemy,
      and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.
¹⁸They prevented me in the day of my calamity:
      but the LORD was my stay.
¹⁹He brought me forth also into a large place;
      he delivered me, because he delighted in me.

²⁰The LORD rewarded me according to my righteousness;
      according to the cleanness of my hands hath he recompensed me.
²¹For I have kept the ways of the LORD,
      and have not wickedly departed from my God.
²²For all his judgments were before me,
      and I did not put away his statutes from me.
²³I was also upright before him,
      and I kept myself from mine iniquity.
²⁴Therefore hath the LORD recompensed me according to my righteousness,
      according to the cleanness of my hands in his eyesight.

²⁵With the merciful thou wilt shew thyself merciful;
      with an upright man thou wilt shew thyself upright;
²⁶With the pure thou wilt shew thyself pure;
      and with the froward thou wilt shew thyself froward.
²⁷For thou wilt save the afflicted people;
      but wilt bring down high looks.
²⁸For thou wilt light my candle:
      the LORD my God will enlighten my darkness.
²⁹For by thee I have run through a troop;
      and by my God have I leaped over a wall.

³⁰As for God, his way is perfect:
      the word of the LORD is tried:
he is a buckler
      to all those that trust in him.
³¹For who is God save the LORD?
      or who is a rock save our God?
³²It is God that girdeth me with strength,
      and maketh my way perfect.
³³He maketh my feet like hinds' feet,
      and setteth me upon my high places.
³⁴He teacheth my hands to war,
      so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms.
³⁵Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation:
      and thy right hand hath holden me up,
      and thy gentleness hath made me great.

Yayyy - I rejoice in the Lord. I went to a meeting last night where I shared my 7th step prayer, which I posted here in Psalm 9 and a similar prayer in Psalm 15. After the meeting a guy came up to me and thanked me in a very heartfelt way. It felt so good to impact somebody like that - so, this psalm rings very true to me right now.

God is merciful, he has saved this afflicted soul. When my life was unmanageable (froward) God was distant (froward). However, in the last 8 months of my sobriety, God has given me strength and makes my way perfect. Perfect may be a stretch, but as it is said in the meeting, spiritual progress not spiritual perfection, and he certainly gives me progress.  God certainly puts me upon high places.  God makes me fast and fleet, and God enlightens my darkness.

However, despite what this Psalm says, God did not reward me according to my righteousness. He rewarded me according to his grace and mercy.  I am blessed that Jesus died for my sins, that God would save the life of wretched addict like me. Whatever the case, his grace or my righteousness, my cup runneth over and tonight I am very grateful for all the gifts he has given me and I rejoice in the Lord.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 18 (KJV) - Part 1: In my distress I called upon the Lord

From Psalms

Psalm 18
(For the director of music. Of David the servant of the LORD. He sang to the LORD the words of this song when the LORD delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul. He said:)

¹I will love thee, O LORD, my strength.

²The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer;
      my God, my strength, in whom I will trust;
      my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
³I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised:
      so shall I be saved from mine enemies.

⁴The sorrows of death compassed me,
      and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.
⁵The sorrows of hell compassed me about:
      the snares of death prevented me.
⁶In my distress I called upon the LORD,
      and cried unto my God:
he heard my voice out of his temple,
      and my cry came before him, even into his ears.

⁷Then the earth shook and trembled;
      the foundations also of the hills moved
      and were shaken, because he was wroth.
⁸There went up a smoke out of his nostrils,
      and fire out of his mouth devoured:
      coals were kindled by it.
⁹He bowed the heavens also, and came down:
      and darkness was under his feet.
¹⁰And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly:
      yea, he did fly upon the wings of the wind.
¹¹He made darkness his secret place;
      his pavilion round about him were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies.
¹²At the brightness that was before him his thick clouds passed,
      hail stones and coals of fire.
¹³The LORD also thundered in the heavens,
      and the Highest gave his voice; hail stones and coals of fire.
¹⁴Yea, he sent out his arrows, and scattered them;
      and he shot out lightnings, and discomfited them.
¹⁵Then the channels of waters were seen,
      and the foundations of the world were discovered
at thy rebuke, O LORD,
      at the blast of the breath of thy nostrils.

¹⁶He sent from above, he took me,
      he drew me out of many waters.

The first time I posted Psalm 18 I tried to post more than one of my hand written page. Only now do I see how heavy that was, and that it was too much for one posting. I have learned my lesson and will limit all of my posts to what I could fit into one 5.5 x 8.5 page.

As I go the first 16 verses of Psalm 18, again, I am drawn to the last verses of part 1.  The channels of waters were seen, and the foundations of the earth were discovered.  He took me, he drew me out of many/deep waters.

The metaphor of deep water is so appropriate for addiction in so many ways.  Addiction will drown us - and for many of us it was that drowning that we had to experience before seeking recovery.  Addiction, like water, is deceiving in that at first the experience seems refreshing and relaxing.  However, to continue to get the same feeling and experience we need to go deeper, and farther out.  Until we've gone so far that we are in over our heads and our lives became unmanageable.  Thankfully, God, through prayers (which even went into his ears) and the 12 steps pushed those waters aside, and pulled us out of deadly waters.

Today my prayers go out to the addicts that still suffers.  That they may be guided or pulled out of those deep waters.  That they may realize that there is a higher power that can help them and save them.  That there are people around them that love them and want to help them.  That they reach out to their higher power and the people in their lives to be rescued.  That they let that higher power and those people into their lives so that they can experience a new life, free of addiction and the problems that addiction brings.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 17 (KJV) - Give ear to my prayer that goeth not out of feigned lips

From Psalms

Psalm 17
(A prayer of David.)

¹Hear the right, O LORD,
      attend unto my cry,
give ear unto my prayer,
      that goeth not out of feigned lips.
²Let my sentence come forth from thy presence;
      let thine eyes behold the things that are equal.

³Thou hast proved mine heart; thou hast visited me in the night;
      thou hast tried me, and shalt find nothing;
      I am purposed that my mouth shall not transgress.
⁴Concerning the works of men,
      by the word of thy lips
I have kept me from the paths of the destroyer.
⁵Hold up my goings in thy paths,
      that my footsteps slip not.

⁶I have called upon thee, for thou wilt hear me, O God:
      incline thine ear unto me, and hear my speech.
⁷Show thy marvellous loving kindness,
      O thou that savest by thy right hand
      them which put their trust in thee from those that rise up against them.
⁸Keep me as the apple of the eye,
      hide me under the shadow of thy wings,
⁹From the wicked that oppress me,
      from my deadly enemies, who compass me about.

¹⁰They are inclosed in their own fat:
      with their mouth they speak proudly.
¹¹They have now compassed us in our steps:
      they have set their eyes bowing down to the earth;
¹²Like as a lion that is greedy of his prey,
      and as it were a young lion lurking in secret places.

¹³Arise, O LORD, disappoint him, cast him down:
      deliver my soul from the wicked, which is thy sword:
¹⁴From men which are thy hand, O LORD,
      from men of the world, which have their portion in this life,
and whose belly thou fillest with thy hid treasure:
      they are full of children,
      and leave the rest of their substance to their babes.
¹⁵As for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness:
      I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy likeness.

The Psalms of lament, which Psalm 17 is, seem to be especially comforting to me.  Give ear to my prayer, hear my cry, I am not feigning this crisis.  You are my last hope - that probably no human power can relieve me of this overpowering addiction.

It's 3:00 in the morning, I have just woken up from a fairly vivid dream about sex.  These dreams were more common in the first three months of my sobriety/abstinence.  However, work has been a little stressful recently and I'm feeling very tired when I come home - so, it's not surprising that they've come back.  I find this kind of rundown feeling is a strong catalyst to falling back into my old patterns.  I have talked about how HALT (Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, Tired) can be a path back into the hole of addiction.  So, it is important that I... or we, as addicts, monitor this closely.  I guess I'm thankful that this was just a dream and not a real experience in acting out.

Nevertheless, it is very fitting that I have Psalm 17 to comfort me.  To help me get through this and reassure me that God understands that my demons waits like a lion lurking in secret places, that are too dark even for me to know.  That if I continue to work at this, I will behold His face of righteousness, I shall be satisfied with the likeness of Christ.

Thanks for letting me share.