Psalm 123: O Lord, have mercy on us

From Psalms

Psalm 123 

¹Unto thee lift I up mine eyes,
      O thou that dwellest in the heavens.
² Behold, as the eyes of servants look unto the hand of their masters,
      and as the eyes of a maiden unto the hand of her mistress;
so our eyes wait upon the Lord our God,
      until that he have mercy upon us.

³ Have mercy upon us, O Lord, have mercy upon us:
      for we are exceedingly filled with contempt.
⁴ Our soul is exceedingly filled with the scorning of those that are at ease,
      and with the contempt of the proud.

O Lord, we are all sinners.  There are those among us who take your word and twist it for it for personal and political gain.  There are programs on television that purport to maintain christian values only to win over christian viewers to their own corporate goals.  We use your word to justify our own decisions and lifestyles - and to vilify those who choose otherwise.  There are those who purport to be prophets of parables but forget, probably the most eloquent parable that you gave us, the parable of the good Samaritan.

O Lord, like most things in life it is difficult to understand your will for us, both personally and as a community and society.  So, we give thanks that you so understood our nature, that you gave your only son as forgiveness of our sins.  Continue to have mercy on us.  Although we wait on you, the choices we make have complex consequences.  Guide us, teach us, and be with us in our quest to fulfill your will on earth.  At this time of year, and throughout the year, continue to help us to be like the good Samaritan.  To be a light for all of those around us.  To be a model of good will towards all of your children, regardless of their belief.  That we may use your word, instead of justifying our own selfish choices, rather to show your love, your peace, and your power.  In your name we pray.  Amen
.
Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 122: They shall prosper that love thee

From Psalms

Psalm 122
¹I was glad when they said unto me,
      Let us go into the house of the Lord.
²Our feet shall stand
      within thy gates, O Jerusalem.

³Jerusalem is builded as a city
      that is compact together:
⁴Whither the tribes go up,
      the tribes of the Lord,
unto the testimony of Israel,
      to give thanks unto the name of the Lord.
⁵For there are set thrones of judgment,
      the thrones of the house of David.

⁶Pray for the peace of Jerusalem:
      they shall prosper that love thee.
⁷Peace be within thy walls,
      and prosperity within thy palaces.
⁸For my brethren and companions' sakes,
      I will now say, Peace be within thee.
⁹Because of the house of the Lord
      our God I will seek thy good.

The psalmist in Psalm 122 talks a lot about prosperity.  I think it's important to talk about what prosperity means in terms of the gifts of the Lord.  I say this for a couple of reasons.  First, because at this time of year with Christmas, by and large has lost a lot of the meaning of sharing the gifts of God. More correctly, "Fruits of the Holy Spirit," of  - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  Second, because, as addicts we get lost in a pursuit of false prosperity.

So, the prosperity I think the psalmist writes about here are those treasures that "we shall store in Heaven."  The Fruits, as well as Gifts, of the Holy Spirit.  So it should be no surprise that the psalmist writes about peace and prosperity together as similar, or possibly the same, things.  As I write this, I am thinking...this isn't exactly prophetic.  I'm not the first to say this kind of thing.  However, as I write this I wonder, in my day-to-day life, is this how I act?  Is this the kind of prosperity that I chase?  Certainly in my recovery these are the things I know I need and aspire to. However, my actions in a regular day don't always reflect this.  The best way I can think of to reflect this is to close with part of, and a modified version of, the prayer of St. Francis (aka San Francisco) De Assisi...also the 11th step prayer.  And as I pray this - I pray this is something we can all share.

Lord make me an instruments of your peace; where there is hate, let me bring love; where there is doubt, let me bring faith; where there is despair, let me bring hope; where there is darkness, let me bring light; and where there is sadness, let me bring joy.  Let me seek to console rather than to be consoled; seek to understand rather than to be understood; let me seek to love, rather than to be loved.  For I know you have taught me, in you psalms, that it is only in giving that I will receive and truly prosper.  Amen

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 121: The Lord is thy keeper

From Psalms

Psalm 121

¹I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills,
      from whence cometh my help.
²My help cometh from the Lord,
      which made heaven and earth.

³He will not suffer thy foot to be moved:
      he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
⁴Behold, he that keepeth Israel
      shall neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵The Lord is thy keeper:
      the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.
⁶The sun shall not smite thee by day,
      nor the moon by night.

⁷The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil:
      he shall preserve thy soul.
⁸The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming
      in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

Alas, God never sleeps for he is on the look-out for us and will preserve us in all situations.  Whether we are coming or going - He is there.  Whether it's night or day - He is there.  Whether rain or shine - He is there.  He is thy keeper.  Sometimes this is easy to forget.  So it's nice to have the reminder on a day where recovery means physical as well as spiritually.

There's nothing like a sick day in bed to help us remember that God is always there to help us.  It's comforting to to be able to trust in God.  It's reassuring to know he's watching.

Oh Lord, thank you for seeing through my recovery as I struggle with physical pain as well as spiritual pain.  Thank you for watching out over me in all situations and delivering me from evil.  And bringing me salvation.  Thank you also for watching over my loved ones when I cannot be there with them.  I look up to the horizon and know you are there.  I look into the clouds and know you are keeping watch.  In situations where I continue to struggle please continue to guide me and remind me of your presence.  In your name I pray.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 120: Deliver my soul...from a deceitful tongue

From Psalms

Psalm 120

¹In my distress I cried unto the Lord,
      and he heard me.
²Deliver my soul, O Lord,
      from lying lips,
      and from a deceitful tongue.
³What shall be given unto thee?
      or what shall be done unto thee,
      thou false tongue?
⁴Sharp arrows of the mighty,
      with coals of juniper.

⁵Woe is me, that I sojourn in Mesech,
      that I dwell in the tents of Kedar!
⁶My soul hath long dwelt
      with him that hateth peace.
⁷I am for peace:
      but when I speak, they are for war.

Sometimes in my recovery I make some pretty good discoveries.  Discoveries like I need to pray to be saved from myself.  Saved from my own lies and my own lying.  Saved from my own procrastination.  Saved from many things I create by myself.  Making decisions that generally that don't sit well with God.

I understand the psalmist today is talking about the lies of others, the deceit of others - not his own lies.  However, a big part of the hole, the hell, if you will, that addicts create for ourselves are in the web of lies we weave.  So, it makes sense today, that I put a spin on psalm 120, and I pray that God save me, and for that matter, all addicts, from our own lies.

Oh Lord, it has been more than two years since I cried out to you.  You have clearly heard me in my distress before - and saved my soul.  Nevertheless, I still struggle in my addictions and in the lies that surround my life.  Lies about my sobriety. Lies about where I spend my time.  Lies about things I procrastinate on.  Lies when I tell partial truths.  Lies that are secrets I keep.  All of these are things that inevitably lead me lead me to a place I don't want to be.  A place that's usually alone, hiding from the truth, hiding from the people I've lied to.  And anytime I'm alone hiding is a good place for my addiction to find me.  Oh Lord, save me from my lies.  Give me the strength to be honest. The courage to face adversities that would otherwise tempt me to lie.  Help me trust in you and trust in your word.  Continue to guide me in my sobriety.  Thank you.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 119 XI: Let my soul live, and it shall praise thee

From Psalms

Psalm 119: 161-176
Sin & Shin

¹⁶¹Princes have persecuted me without a cause:
      but my heart standeth in awe of thy word.
¹⁶²I rejoice at thy word,
      as one that findeth great spoil. 
¹⁶³I hate and abhor lying:
      but thy law do I love.
¹⁶⁴Seven times a day do I praise thee
      because of thy righteous judgments.
¹⁶⁵Great peace have they which love thy law:
      and nothing shall offend them.
¹⁶⁶Lord, I have hoped for thy salvation,
      and done thy commandments.
¹⁶⁷My soul hath kept thy testimonies;
      and I love them exceedingly.
¹⁶⁸I have kept thy precepts and thy testimonies:
      for all my ways are before thee.

Taw
¹⁶⁹Let my cry come near before thee, O Lord:
      give me understanding according to thy word.
¹⁷⁰Let my supplication come before thee:
      deliver me according to thy word.
¹⁷¹My lips shall utter praise,
      when thou hast taught me thy statutes.
¹⁷²My tongue shall speak of thy word:
      for all thy commandments are righteousness.
¹⁷³Let thine hand help me;
      for I have chosen thy precepts.
¹⁷⁴I have longed for thy salvation, O Lord;
      and thy law is my delight.
¹⁷⁵Let my soul live, and it shall praise thee;
      and let thy judgments help me.
¹⁷⁶I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek thy servant;
      for I do not forget thy commandments.

Tonight I woke with a mild case of insomnia.  I have been relapsing in my sex addiction.  It's no wonder, since I haven't been sharing or working on my steps in several weeks.  As I realize this and read through the last two sections of psalm 119, I realize that this taking peace away from part of my life.  I am lying again and need the Lord's hand to help me out of it.  I have gone astray like a lost sheep....again.

I have been able to trust the Lord with so many aspects of my life, but with this one I have forgotten to trust in the Lord.  And so tonight, with these lines I am reminded that this is all I need, again to have my soul live and to find that peace, again.  At first, I think how remarkable it is that I can almost randomly look at a part of psalms and be given the reminder and peace I need to face my fears and addiction, again.  Then I remember that this must all be part of God's plan - and His plan is not random.

Oh Lord, I have forgotten how critical my prayers to you are in my recovery.  And indeed, I have gone astray like a lost sheep.  Let your judgments help me, and my soul live and this I pray will praise the and show other of your power and the hope you can bring to a struggling addict to stay sober through another day.  I delight in the prayers of psalms - let them continuously guide me in salvation of sobriety.  Please continue to bring me understanding, to help me face my struggles, and be with me and lead me so as not to succumb to temptation and deliver me from the evils around me. Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 119 X: Mine eyes prevent the night watches...

From Psalms

Psalm 119:145-160
Qoph
¹⁴⁵I cried with my whole heart; hear me, O Lord:
      I will keep thy statutes.
¹⁴⁶I cried unto thee; save me,
      and I shall keep thy testimonies.
¹⁴⁷I prevented the dawning of the morning, and cried:
      I hoped in thy word.
¹⁴⁸Mine eyes prevent the night watches,
      that I might meditate in thy word.
¹⁴⁹Hear my voice according unto thy lovingkindness:
      O Lord, quicken me according to thy judgment.
¹⁵⁰They draw nigh that follow after mischief:
      they are far from thy law.
¹⁵¹Thou art near, O Lord;
      and all thy commandments are truth.
¹⁵²Concerning thy testimonies, I have known of old that
      thou hast founded them for ever.

Resh
¹⁵³Consider mine affliction, and deliver me:
     for I do not forget thy law.
¹⁵⁴Plead my cause, and deliver me:
      quicken me according to thy word.
¹⁵⁵Salvation is far from the wicked:
      for they seek not thy statutes.
¹⁵⁶Great are thy tender mercies, O Lord:
      quicken me according to thy judgments.
¹⁵⁷Many are my persecutors and mine enemies;
      yet do I not decline from thy testimonies.
¹⁵⁸I beheld the transgressors, and was grieved;
      because they kept not thy word.
¹⁵⁹Consider how I love thy precepts:
      quicken me, O Lord, according to thy lovingkindness.
¹⁶⁰Thy word is true from the beginning:
      and every one of thy righteous judgments endureth for ever.

The distress of my addiction, my affliction, keeps me up at night and makes me wake early in the morning.  I pray that God considers my affliction, my addiction, and delivers me.  For in these hours when I have trouble sleeping I mediate on His word.  In His word I find his tender mercies.  Have grace on me, not according to the time I spend on these prayers, but according to your mercy.  Your word is true from the beginning and every word is righteous and eternal.

Thank you Lord for giving me these prayers to live by when I have trouble in my life.  A place to turn to that keeps me focused on your Love and away from the evils of my addiction.  These prayers bring me a Peace that I may trust in, a Hope that I can rely on, a Rock I can rest on.  When the world seems to against me these things support me and I know I am not alone.  May I never forget about these prayers that give me the strength and courage I need in my recovery and my day to day struggles.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 119 IX: Rivers of waters run down my eyes, because they keep not thy law

From Psalms

Psalm 119:129-144
                        Pe
¹²⁹Thy testimonies are wonderful:
      therefore doth my soul keep them.
¹³⁰The entrance of thy words giveth light;
      it giveth understanding unto the simple.
¹³¹I opened my mouth, and panted:
      for I longed for thy commandments.
¹³²Look thou upon me, and be merciful unto me, as thou usest to do unto those that love thy name.
¹³³Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me.
¹³⁴Deliver me from the oppression of man: so will I keep thy precepts.
¹³⁵Make thy face to shine upon thy servant; and teach me thy statutes.
¹³⁶Rivers of waters run down mine eyes, because they keep not thy law.

                   Tsadhe
¹³⁷Righteous art thou, O Lord,
      and upright are thy judgments.
¹³⁸Thy testimonies that thou hast commanded
      are righteous and very faithful.
¹³⁹My zeal hath consumed me,
      because mine enemies have forgotten thy words.
¹⁴⁰Thy word is very pure:
      therefore thy servant loveth it.
¹⁴¹I am small and despised:
      yet do not I forget thy precepts.
¹⁴²Thy righteousness is an everlasting righteousness,
      and thy law is the truth.
¹⁴³Trouble and anguish have taken hold on me:
      yet thy commandments are my delights.
¹⁴⁴The righteousness of thy testimonies is everlasting:
      give me understanding, and I shall live.

Wow, it feels so good to be making entries in this blog, again...and making a connection with God.  Gods word lifts the weight of worry and addiction from my shoulders.  His word puts life into perspective.  When work and life's other pursuits consume me His testimonies and commandments bring me back.

I have to be honest.  In my absence from my posts, from time to time, I have fallen off the wagon and back into my addictions.  We addicts, no matter how long our sobriety, are never immune.  However, I can say that in sobriety you do gain awareness.  In that awareness you realize when you drift from your support, drift from your tools, and drift away from God.  And in coming back to my blog posts I am coming back to my tool of prayer, but more importantly returning to the grace and healing of God.

In this hour of recovery do you know where your support is?  God bless.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 119 pt VIII: It is time, Lord, to work

From Psalms

Psalm 119:113-128
Samekh
¹¹³I hate vain thoughts:
      but thy law do I love.
¹¹⁴Thou art my hiding place and my shield:
      I hope in thy word.
¹¹⁵Depart from me, ye evildoers:
      for I will keep the commandments of my God.
¹¹⁶Uphold me according unto thy word, that I may live:
      and let me not be ashamed of my hope.
¹¹⁷Hold thou me up, and I shall be safe:
      and I will have respect unto thy statutes continually.
¹¹⁸Thou hast trodden down all them that err from thy statutes:
      for their deceit is falsehood.
¹¹⁹Thou puttest away all the wicked of the earth like dross:
      therefore I love thy testimonies.
¹²⁰My flesh trembleth for fear of thee;
      and I am afraid of thy judgments.

Ayin
¹²¹I have done judgment and justice:
      leave me not to mine oppressors.
¹²²Be surety for thy servant for good:
      let not the proud oppress me.
¹²³Mine eyes fail for thy salvation,
      and for the word of thy righteousness.
¹²⁴Deal with thy servant according unto thy mercy,
      and teach me thy statutes.
¹²⁵I am thy servant; give me understanding,
      that I may know thy testimonies.
¹²⁶It is time for thee, Lord, to work:
      for they have made void thy law.
¹²⁷Therefore I love thy commandments above gold;
      yea, above fine gold.
¹²⁸Therefore I esteem all thy precepts concerning all things to be right;
      and I hate every false way.

I have been away from the psalms - and in some ways away from my recovery.  However, tonight it is time, Lord, to work.  To return to my recovery.

As the psalmist writes in  Samekh, "Thou art my hiding place and my shield."  I am free from my addictions when I am in prayer and in God's word.  "I hope in thy word," for there is healing in God's word and tonight it is soothing.

"Hold thou me up, and I will be safe: and will have respect unto thy statutes continually."  I know I am safe from my addictions in God's word - however, to be honest, to honor and respect God's continually is more than I am capable of.  I know that without that however, I will succumb to my addictions.  So, I pray for capacity for continual respect, and the continual presence of God in my life.

Thank God for the healing power of psalms, which give me strength over the problems and addictions in my life.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 119 Pt VII: I love thy law, it is my meditation all the day

From Psalms

Psalm 119: 97-112

Mem
⁹⁷O how love I thy law!
      it is my meditation all the day.
⁹⁸Thou through thy commandments hast made me wiser than mine enemies:
      for they are ever with me.
⁹⁹I have more understanding than all my teachers:
      for thy testimonies are my meditation.
¹⁰⁰I understand more than the ancients,
      because I keep thy precepts.
¹⁰¹I have refrained my feet from every evil way,
      that I might keep thy word.
¹⁰²I have not departed from thy judgments:
      for thou hast taught me.
¹⁰³How sweet are thy words unto my taste!
      yea, sweeter than honey to my mouth!
¹⁰⁴ Through thy precepts I get understanding:
      therefore I hate every false way.

Nun
¹⁰⁵Thy word is a lamp unto my feet,
      and a light unto my path.
¹⁰⁶I have sworn, and I will perform it,
      that I will keep thy righteous judgments.
¹⁰⁷I am afflicted very much: quicken me,
      O Lord, according unto thy word.
¹⁰⁸Accept, I beseech thee, the freewill offerings of my mouth,
      O Lord, and teach me thy judgments.
¹⁰⁹My soul is continually in my hand:
      yet do I not forget thy law.
¹¹⁰The wicked have laid a snare for me:
      yet I erred not from thy precepts.
¹¹¹Thy testimonies have I taken as an heritage for ever:
      for they are the rejoicing of my heart.
¹¹²I have inclined mine heart to perform thy statutes alway,
      even unto the end.

My best days start with meditation on psalms...these meditations stay with me the rest of the day.  These days, and weeks, if I can string enough of those days together, allow me to live like the psalmist in these verses.  Where God's word is a lamp unto my feet guiding me in my choices and spirit.  Where my feet (and my fingers on the keyboard) refrain from all evils.  Where I get understanding from God's precepts.  Where my soul is continually in my hand.  Where His testimonies are the rejoicing of my heart.

Between those days there are others where I stray from his word.  Where I consider revisiting my addictions.  Where I forget that God has his hand on me.  Thankfully though those are only passing - and fewer and fewer as time passes in His word.  Thankfully in the end I return to His word, His psalms, and His direction.  I am continually reminded of the beauty and joy that I have in the life the God has planned and destined for me.  I am eternally grateful for God's grace and forgiveness.
Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 119 pt VI: My soul fainteth for thy salvation

From Psalms

Psalm 119: 81-96

(Kaph)
⁸¹My soul fainteth for thy salvation:
      but I hope in thy word.
⁸²Mine eyes fail for thy word, saying,
      When wilt thou comfort me?
⁸³For I am become like a bottle in the smoke;
      yet do I not forget thy statutes.
⁸⁴How many are the days of thy servant?
      when wilt thou execute judgment on them that persecute me?
⁸⁵The proud have digged pits for me,
      which are not after thy law.
⁸⁶All thy commandments are faithful:
      they persecute me wrongfully; help thou me.
⁸⁷They had almost consumed me upon earth;
      but I forsook not thy precepts.
⁸⁸Quicken me after thy lovingkindness;
      so shall I keep the testimony of thy mouth.

(Lamedh)
⁸⁹For ever, O Lord,
      thy word is settled in heaven.
⁹⁰Thy faithfulness is unto all generations:
      thou hast established the earth, and it abideth.
⁹¹They continue this day according to thine ordinances:
      for all are thy servants.
⁹²Unless thy law had been my delights,
      I should then have perished in mine affliction.
⁹³I will never forget thy precepts:
      for with them thou hast quickened me.
⁹⁴I am thine, save me:
      for I have sought thy precepts.
⁹⁵The wicked have waited for me to destroy me:
      but I will consider thy testimonies.
⁹⁶I have seen an end of all perfection:
      but thy commandment is exceeding broad.

My soul is weary and needs some propping up from time to time.  I guess that's normal since we all deal with the struggles and conflicts of life.  Sometimes, though, I get the thought that the propping up can come from a drink of wine, some porn, or even a cup of coffee.  Of course, I know that relief is only momentary.  The same way the energy from a candy bar only lasts for a few minutes and leaves you more drained when its gone.

Of course, I know that true strength and endurance comes from something deeper than that.  I am grateful for the psalms for they remind me that although I have my struggles and conflict that God can give me that strength, and His word can give me that hope.

Thank you God for the strength and hope that you provide everyday.  Continue to guide me on my journey.  Quicken me after thy lovingkindness so shall I keep the testimony of thy mouth.  Unless thy law had been my delights, I should have perished in mine affliction.  I am thine, save me...continue to save me.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 119 pt V: It is good for me that I have been afflicted

From Psalms

Psalm 119 v:65-80

(Teth)
⁶⁵Thou hast dealt well with thy servant,
      O Lord, according unto thy word.
⁶⁶Teach me good judgment and knowledge:
      for I have believed thy commandments.
⁶⁷Before I was afflicted I went astray:
      but now have I kept thy word.
⁶⁸Thou art good, and doest good;
      teach me thy statutes.
⁶⁹The proud have forged a lie against me:
      but I will keep thy precepts with my whole heart.
⁷⁰Their heart is as fat as grease;
      but I delight in thy law.
⁷¹It is good for me that I have been afflicted;
      that I might learn thy statutes.
⁷²The law of thy mouth is better unto me than thousands of gold and silver.

(Yodh)
⁷³Thy hands have made me and fashioned me:
      give me understanding, that I may learn thy commandments.
⁷⁴They that fear thee will be glad when they see me;
      because I have hoped in thy word.
⁷⁵I know, O Lord, that thy judgments are right,
      and that thou in faithfulness hast afflicted me.
⁷⁶Let, I pray thee, thy merciful kindness be for my comfort,
      according to thy word unto thy servant.
⁷⁷Let thy tender mercies come unto me,
      that I may live: for thy law is my delight.
⁷⁸Let the proud be ashamed; for they dealt perversely with me without a cause:
      but I will meditate in thy precepts.
⁷⁹Let those that fear thee turn unto me,
      and those that have known thy testimonies.
⁸⁰Let my heart be sound in thy statutes;
      that I be not ashamed.

One concept that I struggle with is that "It is good for me that I have been afflicted," from verse 71.  It has been good for me to have my sex addiction and alcoholism.  I understand that without them I would not have learned a true faith in God - or learned his statutes.  I've had to hand over probably the biggest struggles in my life.  Obviously that doesn't mean you have to be an addict to have fatih in God, but I've heard people attribute more things to the hand of God in a 12 step meeting than maybe anywhere else.  Nevertheless, to think that the pain the addictions has brought to me and those around me are somehow good.  That's where I struggle.

I guess it's easier for me to hear this concept in Laura Story's Blessings.  Somehow it makes sense when she sings it in this context.  This reminds me of another phrase I've heard while training for triathlons.  That is, "Pain is merely weakness leaving you body."  This, in a weird way, give me hope - for the process of pain and suffering is making me stronger and better equipped for what life has for me.  I guess its a lot like the cliche, "That which does not kill me only makes me stronger."  Nevertheless, its a common theme in psalm 119 that I pray that God may quicken me with his word.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 119 pt IV: The earth, O Lord, full of thy mercy

From Psalms

Psalms 119:49-64

^(Zayin)
49Remember the word unto thy servant,
      upon which thou hast caused me to hope.
⁵⁰This is my comfort in my affliction:
      for thy word hath quickened me.
⁵¹The proud have had me greatly in derision:
      yet have I not declined from thy law.
⁵²I remembered thy judgments of old, O Lord;
      and have comforted myself.
⁵³Horror hath taken hold upon me because of the wicked
      that forsake thy law.
⁵⁴Thy statutes have been my songs
      in the house of my pilgrimage.
⁵⁵I have remembered thy name, O Lord,
      in the night, and have kept thy law.
⁵⁶This I had,
      because I kept thy precepts.


^(Heth)
57Thou art my portion, O Lord:
      I have said that I would keep thy words.
⁵⁸I intreated thy favour with my whole heart:
      be merciful unto me according to thy word.
⁵⁹I thought on my ways,
      and turned my feet unto thy testimonies.
⁶⁰I made haste, and delayed not
      to keep thy commandments.
⁶¹The bands of the wicked have robbed me:
      but I have not forgotten thy law.
⁶²At midnight I will rise to give thanks unto thee
      because of thy righteous judgments.
⁶³I am a companion of all them that fear thee,
      and of them that keep thy precepts.
⁶⁴The earth, O Lord, is full of thy mercy:
      teach me thy statutes.

Of anything, hope, is the thing that makes the greatest changes.  Hope, like faith, allows us to believe in things that we have yet to accomplish.  If love is the water that allows a seed to grow then hope is the sunshine.  Hope is seeing a sobriety birthday cake at a meeting.  Hope is seeing your son learn about the dangers of addiction earlier rather than later.  Hope is the prayers in psalms.  Hope is seeing God's love in a neighbor.

Hope is around us, much in the same way God's mercy fills the earth.  Sometimes its a glimmer.  Sometimes its as overwhelming brilliant as the sunshine.  The trick for me, no matter how brilliant, is when I catch it to let it inspire me to make the most of it.  To reflect to others.  To guide me in sobriety and in the way of truth.  To teach others in God's way.

God, keep your words and your law with me.  For your word give me hope (v. 49).  This hope sustains me.  Be merciful unto me.  For your mercy gives me hope.  This hope gives me strength and inspiration.  Let this inspiration be a light for others to see.  A light that may lead them out of the darkness of addiction.  Just as I was lead out of the darkness.  Give them this hope, and faith, that there is a way out.  Hope that if they take some steps (12?) in the right direction they will find this light.  Hope that in this light they will find a new life, a life free of addiction, free of lies, and full of hope.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 119 pt III: Incline my heart unto your testimonies

From Psalms

Psalm 119: 33-48

(He)
³³Teach me, O Lord, the way of thy statutes;
      and I shall keep it unto the end.
³⁴Give me understanding, and I shall keep thy law;
      yea, I shall observe it with my whole heart.
³⁵Make me to go in the path of thy commandments;
      for therein do I delight.
³⁶Incline my heart unto thy testimonies,
      and not to covetousness.
³⁷Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity;
      and quicken thou me in thy way.
³⁸Stablish thy word unto thy servant,
      who is devoted to thy fear.
³⁹Turn away my reproach which I fear:
      for thy judgments are good.
⁴⁰Behold, I have longed after thy precepts:
      quicken me in thy righteousness.


(Waw)
⁴¹Let thy mercies come also unto me,
      O Lord, even thy salvation, according to thy word.
⁴²So shall I have wherewith to answer him that reproacheth me:
      for I trust in thy word.
⁴³And take not the word of truth utterly out of my mouth;
      for I have hoped in thy judgments.
⁴⁴So shall I keep thy law continually
      for ever and ever.
⁴⁵And I will walk at liberty:
      for I seek thy precepts.
⁴⁶I will speak of thy testimonies also before kings,
      and will not be ashamed.
⁴⁷And I will delight myself in thy commandments,
      which I have loved.
⁴⁸My hands also will I lift up unto thy commandments,
      which I have loved; and I will meditate in thy statutes.

 Oh Lord teach me in you ways (v 33), Give me understanding (v 34), Guide me in your path (v 35), Incline my heart unto my your testimonies and not to covetousness (v 36).  This a great part of psalm 119 because these things are all I ask for.  These are everything I need to overcome my addictions, which still lurk in my life.  These are no small requests though...these things are about making a change in the way I think, feel and act.

Nevertheless, I trust that God can teach me and give me understanding to handle and manage those temptations.  I've seen Him do it in the past.  I know that if I am committed to learning his word, then He will teach me in the ways of his statutes so that I can keep them to the end.  I have faith that He can quicken me and incline my heart to his testimonies rather than allowing me to turn to covetousness or beholding vanity.

I believe that I have seen the first part of these changes in my life.  I must stay committed to complete this journey.  It is not easy and there are many temptations and distractions that pull me away.  It would be easier if I knew where the end would be or if there was an end to this change at all.  I understand how alcoholics, and addicts in general, can fall off the wagon before is complete.  It is a long road to recovery.  So I must keep praying and keep focused.  I must keep my faith that God will continue to teach me, guide me, and protect me throughout this journey.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 119, pt II: Strengthen me according to Your word

From Psalms

Psalm 119, verses 17-32 

(Gimel)
¹⁷Deal bountifully with thy servant,
      that I may live, and keep thy word.
¹⁸Open thou mine eyes, that I may behold
      wondrous things out of thy law.
¹⁹I am a stranger in the earth:
      hide not thy commandments from me.
²⁰My soul breaketh for the longing
      that it hath unto thy judgments at all times.
²¹Thou hast rebuked the proud that are cursed,
      which do err from thy commandments.
²²Remove from me reproach and contempt;
      for I have kept thy testimonies.
²³Princes also did sit and speak against me:
      but thy servant did meditate in thy statutes.
²⁴Thy testimonies also are my delight
      and my counselors.

(Daleth)
²⁵My soul cleaveth unto the dust:
      quicken thou me according to thy word.
²⁶I have declared my ways, and thou heardest me:
      teach me thy statutes.
²⁷Make me to understand the way of thy precepts:
      so shall I talk of thy wondrous works.
²⁸My soul melteth for heaviness:
      strengthen thou me according unto thy word.
²⁹Remove from me the way of lying:
      and grant me thy law graciously.
³⁰I have chosen the way of truth:
      thy judgments have I laid before me.
³¹I have stuck unto thy testimonies:
      O Lord, put me not to shame.
³²I will run the way of thy commandments,
      when thou shalt enlarge my heart.

Strengthen me according to Your word, Oh Lord.  Remove from me the way of lying.  I really appreciate this term, "they way of lying."  It's not just remove the lies from from my life - but the way of lying from me.  That includes the cheating, the lying, the deception, the hiding and covering up, the stealing - all the ways of lying.  Because if I can have god remove from me the way of lying then I can be truer to myself and to the person God intends for me to be.

I am choosing the way of truth.  And truly I need to be strengthened to have the courage to live truthfully.  Sometimes it is so much easier to hide from the tough decisions and the truth.  God's word and judgments I have laid before me.

As I read this part of Psalm 119 I get the sense that the psalmist is crying out to God.  Possibly because, as I read it, I feel like I am crying out to God for this support.  Why is it I still struggle with "the way of lying."  That I feel I must hide and cover-up, deceive and steal.  What is it I am afraid of?  I guess it varies from situation to situation but I still have fear in my life.  Fear of authority, fear of failure, and fear of rejection.  There is nothing logical about any of this fear but I still have it.  And so it is I turn to God, again, and ask for Him to quicken me and strengthen me to overcome these fears so that I can live the way of truth.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 119, pt I: Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee

From Psalms

^{Psalm 119}
(Aleph)
¹Blessed are the undefiled in the way,
      who walk in the law of the Lord.
²Blessed are they that keep his testimonies,
      and that seek him with the whole heart.
³They also do no iniquity:
      they walk in his ways.
⁴Thou hast commanded us
      to keep thy precepts diligently.
⁵O that my ways were directed
      to keep thy statutes!
⁶Then shall I not be ashamed,
      when I have respect unto all thy commandments.
⁷I will praise thee with uprightness of heart,
      when I shall have learned thy righteous judgments.
⁸I will keep thy statutes:
      O forsake me not utterly.

(Beth)
⁹Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way?
      by taking heed thereto according to thy word.
¹⁰With my whole heart have I sought thee:
      O let me not wander from thy commandments.
¹¹Thy word have I hid in mine heart,
      that I might not sin against thee.
¹²Blessed art thou, O Lord:
      teach me thy statutes.
¹³With my lips have I declared
      all the judgments of thy mouth.
¹⁴I have rejoiced in the way of thy testimonies,
      as much as in all riches.
¹⁵I will meditate in thy precepts,
      and have respect unto thy ways.
¹⁶I will delight myself in thy statutes:
      I will not forget thy word.

I have finally made it to Psalm 119. The mother of all psalms.  With 176 verses it will be a journey within a journey.  Not only is it the longest psalm, it's also the longest chapter in the entire bible.  It's enough to make me procrastinate just thinking about.  I have yet to even scan all of my writings on it.  However, it's uniqueness is not just in its length.  Or the fact that it's 22 sections start with the sequential letters of the Hebrew alphabet.  The uniqueness is that each of its lament, praise, vindication, and deliverance requests are grounded in God's word, the Bible (or in the case of the Old Testament, The Torah) itself.  It's a prayer of
and for somebody who delights in and lives by the sacred law of the Bible/Torah.

So, I guess it should be no surprise that such a large part of my recovery was supported by my work in Psalms.  I can truly understand relate to psalmist in these first two sections.  I have kept God's word hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against Him.  I have rejoiced in the way of God's sacred word and testimonies as much as in all riches.  I see that the Psalms have brought more to my life than any material riches.  So, I meditate on the precepts and respect unto God's ways.  It delightful for me to read and I will always remember God's word.

 Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 118 (KJV):The Lord is my strength and song, and has become my salvation

From Psalms

Psalm 118

¹O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good:
      because his mercy endureth for ever.

²Let Israel now say,
      that his mercy endureth for ever.
³Let the house of Aaron now say,
      that his mercy endureth for ever.
⁴Let them now that fear the LORD say,
      that his mercy endureth for ever.

⁵I called upon the LORD in distress:
      the LORD answered me, and set me in a large place.
⁶The LORD is on my side; I will not fear:
      what can man do unto me?
⁷The LORD taketh my part with them that help me:
      therefore shall I see my desire upon them that hate me.

⁸It is better to trust in the LORD
      than to put confidence in man.
⁹It is better to trust in the LORD
      than to put confidence in princes.

¹⁰All nations compassed me about:
      but in the name of the LORD will I destroy them.
¹¹They compassed me about;
      yea, they compassed me about:
      but in the name of the LORD I will destroy them.
¹²They compassed me about like bees:
      they are quenched as the fire of thorns:
      for in the name of the LORD I will destroy them.

¹³Thou hast thrust sore at me that I might fall:
      but the LORD helped me.
¹⁴The LORD is my strength and song,
      and is become my salvation.

¹⁵The voice of rejoicing and salvation
      is in the tabernacles of the righteous:
      the right hand of the LORD doeth valiantly.
¹⁶The right hand of the LORD is exalted:
      the right hand of the LORD doeth valiantly.

¹⁷I shall not die, but live,
      and declare the works of the LORD.
¹⁸The LORD hath chastened me sore:
      but he hath not given me over unto death.

¹⁹Open to me the gates of righteousness:
      I will go into them, and I will praise the LORD:
²⁰This gate of the LORD,
      into which the righteous shall enter.
²¹I will praise thee: for thou hast heard me,
      and art become my salvation.

²²The stone which the builders refused
      is become the head stone of the corner.
²³This is the LORD's doing;
      it is marvellous in our eyes.
²⁴This is the day which the LORD hath made;
      we will rejoice and be glad in it.

²⁵Save now, I beseech thee, O LORD:
      O LORD, I beseech thee, send now prosperity.
²⁶Blessed be he that cometh in the name of the LORD:
      we have blessed you out of the house of the LORD.
²⁷God is the LORD,
      which hath shewed us light:
bind the sacrifice with cords,
      even unto the horns of the altar.

²⁸Thou art my God, and I will praise thee:
      thou art my God, I will exalt thee.

²⁹O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good:
      for his mercy endureth for ever.

Some mornings are harder than others.  On those mornings its important to remember that God has his hand on me.  Because I find when I start the day off right, meaning with a good prayer, things seem to fall into place and the distractions which usually lead me to my addictions seem to fall away.  I have to agree with Dietrich Bonhoeffer who said that psalms are best read on your knees in prayer.  In fact, I think he said that's the only way to read them.  However, when I read the psalm 118 though I'm reminded that it can actually be sung (I think this actually from psalm 107 - but the opening line is the same as verse 1).

My point is connecting with God early in the day is very important because it sets the tone for the rest of the day.  It reminds me to be His light.  It reminds me of my covenant with Him and His blessings and gifts for me.  It reminds me no matter how hard, or how confusing, my struggles get I can always call on Him.  That he has saved me when I have called on Him in the past.  That I, like all of us, am one of His children and He will continue to guide me.

In my prayers I pray for not only me, but for anyone who needs His guidance and support.  That we may find Him in the people in our lives, to teach us His way, and to set us free.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 117 (KJV): His merciful kindness is great toward us

From Psalms

Psalm 117

¹O praise the LORD, all ye nations:
      praise him, all ye people.
²For his merciful kindness is great toward us:
      and the truth of the LORD endureth for ever.

Praise ye the LORD.

Today, I am not going to dwell in the shortest psalm of the Bible.  In fact, I'm going to try to keep this as short and simple as possible.  For today I am very grateful that today's psalm is only two verses long.  Praise the Lord for his merciful kindness is great and the truth of his word will endure forever.  Amen.
Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 116 (KJV): I am thy servant, thou hast loosed my bonds

From Psalms

Psalm 116

¹I love the LORD, because he hath heard
      my voice and my supplications.
²Because he hath inclined his ear unto me,
      therefore will I call upon him as long as I live.

³The sorrows of death compassed me,
      and the pains of hell gat hold upon me:
      I found trouble and sorrow.
⁴Then called I upon the name of the LORD;
      O LORD, I beseech thee, deliver my soul.

⁵Gracious is the LORD, and righteous;
      yea, our God is merciful.
⁶The LORD preserveth the simple:
      I was brought low, and he helped me.

⁷Return unto thy rest, O my soul;
      for the LORD hath dealt bountifully with thee.

⁸For thou hast delivered my soul from death,
      mine eyes from tears,
      and my feet from falling.
⁹I will walk before the LORD
      in the land of the living.
¹⁰I believed, therefore have I spoken:
      I was greatly afflicted:
¹¹I said in my haste,
      All men are liars.

¹²What shall I render unto the LORD
      for all his benefits toward me?
¹³I will take the cup of salvation,
      and call upon the name of the LORD.
¹⁴I will pay my vows unto the LORD
      now in the presence of all his people.

¹⁵Precious in the sight of the LORD
      is the death of his saints.
¹⁶O LORD, truly I am thy servant;
      I am thy servant, and the son of thine handmaid:
      thou hast loosed my bonds.

¹⁷I will offer to thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving,
      and will call upon the name of the LORD.
¹⁸I will pay my vows unto the LORD
      now in the presence of all his people.
¹⁹In the courts of the LORD's house,
     in the midst of thee, O Jerusalem.

Praise ye the LORD.

Indeed, I love the Lord because he has heard my voice and my cries for help.  In so many ways psalm 116 truly reflects the emotions I have with God.  Let me share a few of them with you.

He listens to these cries (and works in my life) so I will call on him forever - (verses 1 and 2).  Addiction is a horrible place (verse 3) - and thankfully I have not seen the same place I was in when I started this journey.  So I am owe God my life I am his servant (verse 16).  I know that I can always rely on the name of the Lord and when I am in need I will call on his name. (verse 17)  Here I am paying my vows unto the Lord...in the presence of his people (verse 18).

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 115 (KJV): Not unto us, O Lord, but unto thy name

From Psalms

Psalm 115

¹Not unto us, O LORD, not unto us,
      but unto thy name give glory,
      for thy mercy, and for thy truth's sake.

²Wherefore should the heathen say,
      Where is now their God?
³But our God is in the heavens:
      he hath done whatsoever he hath pleased.
⁴Their idols are silver and gold,
      the work of men's hands.
⁵They have mouths, but they speak not:
      eyes have they, but they see not:
⁶They have ears, but they hear not:
      noses have they, but they smell not:
⁷They have hands, but they handle not:
      feet have they, but they walk not:
      neither speak they through their throat.
⁸They that make them are like unto them;
      so is every one that trusteth in them.

⁹O Israel, trust thou in the LORD:
      he is their help and their shield.
¹⁰O house of Aaron, trust in the LORD:
      he is their help and their shield.
¹¹Ye that fear the LORD, trust in the LORD:
      he is their help and their shield.

¹²The LORD hath been mindful of us: he will bless us;
      he will bless the house of Israel;
      he will bless the house of Aaron.
¹³He will bless them that fear the LORD,
      both small and great.

¹⁴The LORD shall increase you more and more,
      you and your children.
¹⁵Ye are blessed of the LORD
      which made heaven and earth.

¹⁶The heaven, even the heavens, are the LORD's:
      but the earth hath he given to the children of men.
¹⁷The dead praise not the LORD,
      neither any that go down into silence.
¹⁸But we will bless the LORD
      from this time forth and for evermore.

Praise the LORD.

I need to do a better job of giving credit to God - as verse one indicates with the message of for the Glory of God - not for my own Glory.  For the more I attribute my gifts and my position to God, the fact that he is at work in my life, the more I will trust in his plan.  These two things, trust and recognition, work together and feed off each other.  The way I think about the two is like this: the more you give God credit for things that have happened, then the easier it will be to have faith that He will take care of things that will happen.  Then the opposite would also be true, the more faith you have in God's plan for things that are to come, then the more likely you will be to see God in things that have happened.

If that's the case then at the end of every day we should be able to look back and find several things where God was at work.  Maybe one example where someone was kind and showed God's love.  One example where God was teaching us patience or acceptance or forgiveness - did I pass I wonder?  And of course a point where he gave us more of His grace than we probably deserved.  I haven't gone through this exercise before but I think I will probably do it more often.

On the other side of this exercise, let me put my faith in the God for those things that are to come.  Let me pray.  Lord, as I head out into my life and my world today please guide me and be with me.  Thank you for all of your blessings and your lessons that I have received.  It is only in these gifts that my life is rich today.  Continue to show your light and your plan as the day unfolds.  Lead me not into the temptation of my addiction but continue to deliver me from evil.  If I should stray continue to send me nudges and reminders of your plan for my life.  Help me know when you are at work so that my faith in Your work and Your word be as strong as ever.  Thank you, I pray this in Your name, Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 114 (KJV): Tremble, thou earth, at the presence of the Lord

From Psalms

Psalm 114

¹When Israel went out of Egypt,
      the house of Jacob from a people of strange language;
²Judah was his sanctuary,
      and Israel his dominion.

³The sea saw it, and fled:
      Jordan was driven back.
⁴The mountains skipped like rams,
      and the little hills like lambs.

⁵What ailed thee, O thou sea, that thou fleddest?
      thou Jordan, that thou wast driven back?
⁶Ye mountains, that ye skipped like rams;
      and ye little hills, like lambs?

⁷Tremble, thou earth, at the presence of the Lord,
      at the presence of the God of Jacob;
⁸Which turned the rock into a standing water,
      the flint into a fountain of waters.

I'm going to let you in on a secret.  I also speak a foreign language.  The ability to speak foreign languages has always come easily - a gift I can only attribute to God and be very grateful for.  There have many situations where my ability to speak a foreign language has incredibly changed my perspective on life.  To see things in a way I didn't before.

Psalms, it seems are another example of this.  I have been reading and re-reading psalm 114 trying to find something meaningful to share.  When I decided to read the foreign language translation.  If you think there's variety in the English translations of the bible, try another language.  Only reading the foreign language did I realize the psalmist is asking questions of inanimate objects in verses 5 and 6.  And in that translation not only were these objects in the presence of God - but they saw the face of God, too.  Now I understand why the earth shaked.  I can imagine what I might do if I looked into the face of God.

I discuss this because, this shift in perspective and view that I was able to get from a foreign language was not unlike the shift in perspective that came with a relationship with God.  A walk in my neighborhood wasn't the same.  Time with loved ones was somehow more valuable and meaningful.  A bright sunny day wasn't annoying sun in my eyes it was a warm sun on my face.  I guess, as cliche as it sounds, the glass was half full instead of half empty.  This, perspective, I pray for others out there, addicts that still suffer, people searching and wanting more - but never finding it, and for anyone.  May you find this perspective in your day, this perspective that comes from being in the presence of the Lord.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 113 (KJV): He lifteth the needy out of the dunghill

From Psalms

Psalm 113

¹Praise ye the LORD.
Praise, O ye servants of the LORD,
      praise the name of the LORD.
²Blessed be the name of the LORD
      from this time forth and for evermore.
³From the rising of the sun unto the going down of the same
      the LORD's name is to be praised.

⁴The LORD is high above all nations,
      and his glory above the heavens.
⁵Who is like unto the LORD our God,
      who dwelleth on high,
⁶Who humbleth himself to behold
      the things that are in heaven, and in the earth!

⁷He raiseth up the poor out of the dust,
      and lifteth the needy out of the dunghill;
⁸That he may set him with princes,
      even with the princes of his people.
⁹He maketh the barren woman to keep house,
      and to be a joyful mother of children.

Praise ye the LORD.

Praise the Lord for he lifts the needy out of the dunghill.  As I re-read psalm 113 today.  I am able to reflect on how much my life has changed in the last year and a half - a little more than 19 months.  In comparison to what it was it is nothing short of a miracle the change that he has brought into my life.  Clearly, he is not done with me - but for all that he has changed and brought into my life surely I must praise Him and praise His name.

I realize in my sobriety how many things I did in my addiction.  The stealing, the lying, and the coveting.  I still have many things to amend but at least I've stopped the proverbial bleeding and the list has stopped growing.  The Lord has surely lifted me out of the dunghill of addiction - He has set me with princes...Hallelu Yah.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 112 (KJV): There ariseth light in the darkness

From Psalms

Psalm 112

¹Praise ye the LORD.
Blessed is the man that feareth the LORD,
      that delighteth greatly in his commandments.

²His seed shall be mighty upon earth:
      the generation of the upright shall be blessed.
³Wealth and riches shall be in his house:
      and his righteousness endureth for ever.
⁴Unto the upright there ariseth light in the darkness:
      he is gracious, and full of compassion, and righteous.
⁵A good man sheweth favour, and lendeth:
      he will guide his affairs with discretion.

⁶Surely he shall not be moved for ever:
      the righteous shall be in everlasting remembrance.
⁷He shall not be afraid of evil tidings:
      his heart is fixed, trusting in the LORD.
⁸His heart is established, he shall not be afraid,
      until he see his desire upon his enemies.
⁹He hath dispersed, he hath given to the poor;
      his righteousness endureth for ever;
      his horn shall be exalted with honour.

¹⁰The wicked shall see it, and be grieved;
      he shall gnash with his teeth, and melt away:
      the desire of the wicked shall perish.

To the upright person there comes light in the darkness (verse 4).  He, the upright person, is gracious and full of compassion (verse 4).  He is also generous and lends freely (verse 5).  To me like the upright man not only has a light in the darkness, but is also a light in the darkness.  He is not afraid - obviously because he trusts in God.

To me this description of this man who believes in God reminds me of something I've learned in my recovery.  You cannot receive things that you are not willing to give.  Or put another way...order to get a hug you need to give a hug.  And as we read in many places in the bible, we cannot be forgiven unless we are willing to forgive of others.

So, if we want to have the light of Jesus in our life we must reflect the light of Jesus into the lives of those around us.  So, today, Lord, help me be faithful when my heart has fear.  Give me a nudge when I have an opportunity to give.  Fix my heart, not unto the evil of my addiction, but to rock of your word.  Let me be an example for those who do not your nature or your riches.  Guide me to be a person who delights in your gifts of love and faith.  Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 111 (KJV): He hath given meat to those who fear him

From Psalms

Psalm 111

¹Praise ye the LORD.
I will praise the LORD with my whole heart,
      in the assembly of the upright, and in the congregation.

²The works of the LORD are great,
      sought out of all them that have pleasure therein.
³His work is honourable and glorious:
      and his righteousness endureth for ever.
⁴He hath made his wonderful works to be remembered:
      the LORD is gracious and full of compassion.
⁵He hath given meat unto them that fear him:
      he will ever be mindful of his covenant.
⁶He hath shewed his people the power of his works,
      that he may give them the heritage of the heathen.
⁷The works of his hands are verity and judgment;
      all his commandments are sure.
⁸They stand fast for ever and ever,
      and are done in truth and uprightness.
⁹He sent redemption unto his people:
      he hath commanded his covenant for ever:
      holy and reverend is his name.

¹⁰The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom:
      a good understanding have all they that do his commandments:
      his praise endureth for ever.

In the last several weeks, I obviously haven't been showing my devotion to recovery or to God in this blog.  It started out innocently enough in that I had a trip and some time away with my wife and kids.  Since then, however, work was busy, things hadn't settled down, I couldn't find my groove, there were so many things going on...we all know the story.  God, and thus my recovery, had taken a lower priority.

That was until last night.  He presented me a unique opportunity to help me find my way back to him.  A unique small group.  It was through that small group that He was able to remind me of His commitment to me - and my commitment to Him.  In this way, He gave meat to His servant, and was mindful of His covenant.

All of His works, large and small, are verity and judgment, sure, done in truth and uprightness, are powerful, and stand fast for ever and ever.  This recovering addict is one of those works.  There is nothing small about the miracle of turning a wretch into a treasure.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 110 (KJV): The Lord said unto my Lord, Sit thou at my right hand

From Psalms

Psalm 110
(Of David. A psalm.)

¹The LORD said unto my Lord,
      Sit thou at my right hand,
until I make thine enemies thy footstool.

²The LORD shall send the rod of thy strength out of Zion:
      rule thou in the midst of thine enemies.
³Thy people shall be willing
      in the day of thy power,
in the beauties of holiness
      from the womb of the morning:
      thou hast the dew of thy youth.

⁴The LORD hath sworn,
      and will not repent,
Thou art a priest for ever
      after the order of Melchizedek.

⁵The Lord at thy right hand
      shall strike through kings in the day of his wrath.
⁶He shall judge among the heathen, he shall fill the places with the dead bodies;
      he shall wound the heads over many countries.
⁷He shall drink of the brook in the way:
      therefore shall he lift up the head.

When I first re-wrote psalm 110 I didn't see much of significance.  Especially as it relates my addiction, or recovery.  Then I shown a new perspective...a perspective that showed the significance far beyond my mere addiction...or recovery. This was probably part of God's plan.

I came to realize that Jesus quotes psalm 110 in Matthew 22:41-45:

While the Pharisees were gathered together, Jesus asked them, saying, What think ye of Christ?        whose son is he? They say unto him, The son of David. He saith unto them, How then doth David in spirit call him Lord, saying, The LORD said unto my Lord, Sit thou on my right hand, till I make thine enemies thy footstool? If David then call him Lord, how is he his son? 

This is vitally important in understanding Jesus and God because this quote demonstrates that our Lord, in prophecy, and God is both human and divine.  Not only that but many scholars have pointed out that this psalm is "more frequently cited by the New Testament writers than any other single portion of the ancient Scriptures."

So the lesson today is that before I judge something or someone for its importance - I need to make sure I've looked at that something from all angles and truly understand it's perspective.  Further, I will always keep an open mind, and will pray for an open mind, in order to continue to look for those perspectives before making a judgement.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 109:18-31 (KJV): I will greatly praise the Lord with my mouth

From Psalms

Psalm 109 (cont.)

¹⁸As he clothed himself with cursing like as with his garment,
      so let it come into his bowels like water,
      and like oil into his bones.
¹⁹Let it be unto him as the garment which covereth him,
      and for a girdle wherewith he is girded continually.
²⁰Let this be the reward of mine adversaries from the LORD,
      and of them that speak evil against my soul.

²¹But do thou for me, O GOD the Lord,
      for thy name's sake:
      because thy mercy is good, deliver thou me.
²²For I am poor and needy,
      and my heart is wounded within me.
²³I am gone like the shadow when it declineth:
      I am tossed up and down as the locust.
²⁴My knees are weak through fasting;
      and my flesh faileth of fatness.
²⁵I became also a reproach unto them:
      when they looked upon me they shaked their heads.

²⁶Help me, O LORD my God:
      O save me according to thy mercy:
²⁷That they may know that this is thy hand;
      that thou, LORD, hast done it.
²⁸Let them curse, but bless thou:
      when they arise, let them be ashamed;
      but let thy servant rejoice.
²⁹Let mine adversaries be clothed with shame,
      and let them cover themselves with their own confusion, as with a mantle.

³⁰I will greatly praise the LORD with my mouth;
      yea, I will praise him among the multitude.
³¹For he shall stand at the right hand of the poor,
      to save him from those that condemn his soul.

Psalm 109 takes an interesting turn today.  The psalmist turns things around and realizes in spite of all of the people who cause him grief he still needs to rejoice in the love and mercy of God.  In spite of his weakness.  In spite of all of his problems God's mercy is good - and outweighs all of his problems.  God's mercy, and for that matter all of God's gifts, are all we need.  In this second part of psalm 109 the psalmist's tone turns from one of resentment to one of trust and praise.

This is an important shift because, and I may be misreading this but, this is the process of "letting go and letting God."  This is a common saying in 12 step meetings - and it's often much easier said than done.  It takes a lot of practice...I've been working on it for about 16 months and I still have much work to do.

Letting Go and Letting God, for me goes something like this.  I'm facing a problem.  Things are not going according to my plan.  I kind of wish I had a specific example, but I'm sure we've all had situations that for one reason or another don't go as we expect.  When I "let go and let God" I choose not to "fix" the, or add some level of control, this not always my first instinct.  This requires the following steps: I step back, take a breath, say a prayer, and ask God to help me accept the situation, ask God to help me find the beauty and positive in the situation, go with the flow of God's plan, and realize that God's plan will turn out better than what I had in mind anyway.

This has been a big part of my recovery - and I'm glad I can see this in psalm 109.

Thanks for letting me share.

Psalm 109:1-17 (KJV): But I give myself unto prayer

From Psalms

Psalm 109
(For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.)

¹Hold not thy peace,
      O God of my praise;
²For the mouth of the wicked and the mouth of the deceitful
      are opened against me:
      they have spoken against me with a lying tongue.
³They compassed me about also with words of hatred;
      and fought against me without a cause.
⁴For my love they are my adversaries:
      but I give myself unto prayer.
⁵And they have rewarded me evil for good,
      and hatred for my love.

⁶Set thou a wicked man over him:
      and let Satan stand at his right hand.
⁷When he shall be judged, let him be condemned:
      and let his prayer become sin.
⁸Let his days be few;
      and let another take his office.
⁹Let his children be fatherless,
      and his wife a widow.
¹⁰Let his children be continually vagabonds, and beg:
      let them seek their bread also out of their desolate places.
¹¹Let the extortioner catch all that he hath;
      and let the strangers spoil his labour.
¹²Let there be none to extend mercy unto him:
      neither let there be any to favour his fatherless children.
¹³Let his posterity be cut off;
      and in the generation following let their name be blotted out.
¹⁴Let the iniquity of his fathers be remembered with the LORD;
      and let not the sin of his mother be blotted out.
¹⁵Let them be before the LORD continually,
      that he may cut off the memory of them from the earth.

¹⁶Because that he remembered not to shew mercy,
      but persecuted the poor and needy man,
      that he might even slay the broken in heart.
¹⁷As he loved cursing,
      so let it come unto him:
as he delighted not in blessing,
      so let it be far from him.

But I give myself unto prayer, because I hold resentments.  As I read the first seventeen verses of Psalm 109 I am reminded of those resentments.  Because clearly the psalmist here has some resentments that need to be dealt with.  Like this psalmist it is not uncommon for addicts to also harbor resentments.  However, unlike the psalmist in psalm 109 I have learned not to pray for the subject of my resentment's downfall, rather inspect the source of my resentment.  This is a big part of the fourth step.

The process of the fourth step looked something like this for me.  From Jaywalker, I downloaded this fourth step template, paying close attention to pages 3 and 5 where I dived into my resentments.  Once I understood each in detail I could take my personal inventories.  In this process I learned what I truly feared.  I learned that many of my resentments had recurring themes of insecurity.  I learned most of all my role in these resentments...that I played a role in the way the people or groups behaved towards me.

So, in step 4 I learned to give myself unto prayer.  However, unlike in psalm 109 where the psalmist prays for the downfall of our resentments but for us to see the truth.  Please God help me see the truth.  Please God don't let my perspective blind me to the real situation.  That I should be able to see around my pride, which prevents me from seeing the full picture.  That I should truly understand the situations that baffle me that I can learn from them to create a better situations.  Situations without triggers for my addiction - and thus a life free of the chains that have kept me down.

Thanks for letting me share.